"The Latest Rewrite"


  1. If she mentions Magick, ask her to explain. Tell her you never understood that dumbcard game.


  2. Ask if she can wriggle her nose like on Bewitched.


  3. Put on your best Judy Garland voice and ask "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"


  4. Throw water on her and ask her why she isn't melting.


  5. Talk to her cat. Tell her the cat says it wants human sacrifices. Ask for volunteers.


  6. Ask her who you have to sleep with in order to get initiated to the 3rd Degree.


  7. Tell the goddess to put up or shut up during the invocation. Tell everyone that you used to date her.


  8. Ask if she can do those things like in that movie ... what was it? ... oh yeah, "The Craft !"


  9. Step into a drawn circle and yell "Whatcha doin'?". Look confused when people start yelling.


  10. Half way through a ritual, toss out a packet of condoms, and ask the high priestess to wake you when the sex starts.


  11. Cast a circle counter-clockwise, and insist that's how your famtrad did it in Australia.


  12. Ask her to recommend a book on the subject of Wicca. When she responds, mention that you wanted a * good * book on Wicca. Apologize for not having been clear on that.



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