XII. The Power of “More” A woman always wants “more”. What she really wants more of, though, isn’t material—she doesn’t fundamentally want more jewelry, another trip to Florence, or a Jag XJS-HE in burgundy, though she may think she wants these things—she wants more and deeper emotions. She wants not just Emotion1 but Emotion2 and Emotion n; and once she feels Emotion n, tell her to imagine feeling it twice, three times, a million times as powerfully…and then to realize that there is a more powerful emotion that she hasn’t truly felt yet, and which she is beginning to discover now... Remember, emotions are malleable, arbitrary, and infinite, just like language itself. Any emotion implies the possibility of the next, more rewarding emotion. For the record, men, too, want “more,” but for them, it’s not usually so abstract—they’ll settle for more cash and the Jag. More precisely, men want more material experiences—they tend to be less drawn to the idea of deeper and more complex emotional experiences with a particular woman than to the idea of many more experiences with many more women—not a deeper appreciation of cash, but just more cash… Again: Men want stuff or experiences, and then more stuff or experiences; women want deeper emotional responses to the stuff and experiences they encounter. Is there an easy way to give her the deep, layered emotional responses—the long chains of emotions—that she wants? Sure. You can give her the emotions she wants, just by talking about what it would be like to feel them. In talking about these emotional states in an emotional way, you elicit within her the emotional states that you describe. Well, you might say, I understand how that might be true with something like “contentment”—but what about “overwhelming, irresistible passion”? That last phrase, “overwhelming, irresistible passion,” exotic as it sounds, is just a phrase; it’s just a set of words, a set of symbols, a code. It’s a handle. You can grab that handle and do whatever you want with it. Think of that handle as having a value of X. You want to elicit an even stronger emotional response inside her, so move from X to X+1. How? Say, “Yes, overwhelming, irresistible passion is wondrous…and now imagine feeling more intensely than ever before! Feel a deeper overwhelming, irresistible passion!” Get it? Overwhelming,irresistible passionà Deeper, overwhelming, irresistible passion ; X à X+1You added a word, deeper, and this became a cue for getting her to imagine a stronger response than she’d imagined before. Any given emotion can be diminished or intensified through language. An emotion with an intensity of X can become an emotion with an intensity of X+1, just by instructing that this happen. If, for example, a woman says she feels “all the love in the universe” for her boyfriend, you can say, “yes, wouldn’t it be great to feel all the love in the universe for someone…and then meet someone new…and then realize you can feel all the love in the universe…and then even more? Isn’t it great to know that the universe has more love than it did a moment ago, just because you realize this now?” Any Emotion XàEmotion X+1. For that matter, any emotion implies the possibility of the next, more rewarding emotion: Emotion XàEmotion Y Emotion X (example: “tranquility”) can be assumed to create the potential for Emotion Y (example: “centeredness”). Do you have to know what her personal sequence is? Must she already think that “tranquility” leads to “centeredness”? No—perhaps she’s never thought of “centeredness” as important. What matters is that you imply, with the kind of conviction she can see in your face, in your gestures, and hear in your voice, that “centeredness” is some kind of positive emotion, and that it’s deeper than whatever X is. Remember, much of the art of eliciting strong responses in a woman consists of reminding her of her own unconscious conviction that her emotions can always go deeper and get stronger. Her depth of emotion, the Inward Spiral of her Hidden Self, is infinitely deep—or so she tends to think. And you can tap into those deeper emotions just by putting them in words. Whatever her present emotional state, she can be reminded that she wants more. Example: “Yeah, you love your boyfriend. That’s great, that’s cool. It’s nice to be completely satisfied and to feel that whatever you’re feeling now is as good as it can possibly get. I remember talking to my friend Talia about that. She was involved—like really, deeply, intensely involved—with a guy for what, it must have been two years. She was totally satisfied—it was all she could imagine—she couldn’t imagine anything better. At least, that’s what I thought. That’s what she told everybody. One day she surprised everybody, though, by announcing that she’d found somebody new. When I asked her about it, she said, Yeah, she thought she was totally satisfied too. Then she met this guy, and something about being with him, just being in his presence, just talking to him made her realize that she could have more. Like all the pleasure she’d had till then had only been preparation. She realized she could have something more—as if, within that relationship she’d been inside for so long, she’d grown content, and then numbed—as if she’d stopped growing, and didn’t realize it. But something about being with this new guy…looking at this new guy…feeling her heart beat as she looked at him…now…this made her realize that opening to him could introduce her to new, deeper, more meaningful experiences…” Emotions are subjective, and not bounded by sensory limits; they are therefore infinite as well as malleable. You help a woman “grow” (i.e., you create rapport and intensify her emotional response) by reminding her that a given emotion is infinite, and that she can feel “more”. Remember, women tend to believe that physical events and objects are trivial, next to the emotional responses that they generate. Everything is symbolic. The emotion that an object or event symbolizes can be manipulated through language. Example: “Wow, that’s a beautiful diamond ring…it must mean a lot to you…I wonder what it would be like if someone could see that ring and then sense the feelings behind it begin to rise up, grow, become a color, grow, intensify, and then make everything you see around you and everything you’re hearing begin to fill with all the beauty and wonder and connection and warmth that used to be trapped inside that piece of colorless crushed coal? Imagine feeling how much more powerful and genuine these feelings can now become, because they’re now part of something real and alive and human, shared and embodied by two people, in the here and now!” The point: Don’t just think buying her flowers will do the trick—if you want to have a real effect, describe the emotional effect buying flowers should have inside her. In fact, if you do a good job describing the intended emotional response, you can skip having to buy the flowers. You can deepen rapport and strengthen her emotional responses, just by talking about the yearning for more.
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