19. Disarming Obstacles "Obstacles" are other people who get in the way of your opening or attraction of your target. There are generally three types of possible obstacles: Your own entourage, the target’s friends, and other alpha males. You must learn to deal with these obstacles skilfully while remaining cool. Doing this properly will increase attraction in your target’s eyes, since she’ll see that you’re cool in social situations. Doing it wrong will definitely kill the attraction. If you’re mean to her friends for example, they’ll dissuade her from hooking up with you. And if you get blown out of the set by another guy showing you up, you’ll look like a dork. Remember, in Tyler’s words "the only rule of pickup is to be visibly cooler than the chick". If you don’t come across properly when dealing with obstacles and don’t maintain your "cool status", you’ll demonstrate low social value. Obstacles are sometimes known by their slang term, "cockblocks". Your own entourage Unless you surround yourself with a skilled wingman or wingmen, the company you keep is a potential obstacle to your pickup and attraction efforts. Here are some situations where your pick-up can be spoiled by your own entourage: THE GRASS CUTTER: Cutting your grass is when a member of your entourage moves in on a woman you’ve opened. Once you’ve done the hard work of opening the target and getting her into a good state, the grasscutter will move into the set, introduce himself as your friend for social proof, and then start gaming your target. Part of his game may involve comments to cut you down, in an effort to make himself seem superior (to "out-alpha" you). ANTIDOTE: The wrong way to do it is to get in an argument with him right there. Instead, cut him out of the set using anti-AMOG tactics (described below), and don’t invite him out with you again. If you have no choice (he invites himself along or is a Siamese twin of a good friend of yours in the group), then try to ditch him and go to another part of the venue, where he won’t see you opening targets. THE THIRD WHEEL: When you move into set, a good wingman will move in and use his own material to occupy the rest of the group while you game your target. But sometimes you may be hanging out with a great, fun friend (who just happens to be lousy with women) at the time you spot your target, and he just tags along while you open them. What ends up happening is that since your buddy has no game, he just sort of hangs there boring everybody, or makes stupid comments, both of which make you look bad ("the company you keep"). ANTIDOTE: The wrong way to deal with this problem is to just let your friend sit there, making things worse. There are several ways to deal with this. You can tell your buddy "Wait here one second", go in solo, do a quick number-close, and get out saying "I need to get back to my buddy" (In fact, having a friend waiting is sometimes a great time constraint that works in your favour). Another way to prevent the Third Wheel Effect (if your friend comes into set with you) is to constantly talk up your buddy, saying what a great guy he is, how he’s crazy sometimes, etc. You’re basically substituting for your friend’s lack of game. Also, by inflating his sense of value, you’ll put him at ease and he may start to relax and open up. This is extra work of course, seeing as how you have to entertain the group, demonstrate value to the target, AND talk up your friend, but it beats getting blown out of the set. THE DRUNK: Sometimes a friend who’s normally cool can become a total chauvinistic ass with a few drinks in him, and threaten your game. This happened to me in Cuba several years ago. I’d been hanging out with a group of Italian guys who were cool for most of the week, but on this last night there they’d had way too much to drink. I was gaming on the cutest Cuban girl I’d seen all week outside the resort’s nightclub, using teasing and flirting, and her buying temperature was high. Just when things were getting good, one of the gang starts yelling out "GO FOR IT! POUND FUCKING POUND!! NAIL HER MIKE! NAIL HER!" over and over. I tried to ignore him and keep the game on, but it was obvious that it was making her uncomfortable and she excused herself. Not knowing how to handle it at the time, I lost out. Now, The Drunk intrusion isn’t necessarily only limited to cat-calls; it can also involve a drunken member of your entourage pushing his way into your set and cavemanning your target, or feeling her up inappropriately—both of which will ruin her state and kill your game. ANTIDOTE: If The Drunk intrudes, isolate your target from the group with "Let’s go talk over there, there’s too many drunken jerks in this spot". Physically lead her to another area, then say "There! Much quieter" and continue your conversation. OR, if she’d been grabbed, say "Ok, no one’s gonna grab you over here. But I might just SPANK you if you don’t behave!" (smile). Another idea, simple enough: DON’T HANG OUT WITH DRUNKS! And if you do happen to be out with some friends who eventually become drunk and rowdy, simply detach yourself from them and game targets outside of cat-call range, or preferably out of sight. The target’s friends When gaming a set, it’s important to befriend the target’s friend(s). Her peers have a huge say in swaying her opinion of you, so you MUST make them like you. ENGAGE the group. Get everyone involved to avoid one or more becoming a cockblock. This means including the ugly girls of the group in the interaction too. If they feel ignored they’ll be bitter and try to sabotage your efforts, either in front of you or after you’ve left the set. One thing you have to be careful about is giving a non-target TOO much attention. If you talk up the ugly girl to befriend her, the actual target may leave you two alone since she sees you hitting it off so well. Try to balance your attention so as to keep your target involved in the interaction. Despite your best efforts to make everybody feel a whole lotta love, one thing a target’s friends WILL do is test you. When they see their friend getting all doe-eyed over you and getting carried away, they may test you in her place. Some may have malicious intent in doing this, as explained above, but usually they’re just looking out for their friend. You can deal with this as you do with regular tests one-on-one, but here are some specific "cockblock-destroyers": (girl tries to pull her friend away from you) "What are you??? The drag-away friend??" (girl whines and complains or tests you hard) Turn to target and say "Is she always like this? How do you roll with her?" OR "Is your friend always such a brat?" (girl bombards you with questions to put you on the spot) "You’re very investigative. You’re like Nancy Drew." Call her Nancy from then on! (girl gives you a shit test, like "You dress funny" etc) Respond by completely ignoring her comment and asking her "Are you a player?" If she pouts or mouths back, call her a "Drama Queen". (girl shit-tests you) Say "Hey, I’m talking" and then continue without responding to the shit test. Or just say "Cute" and keep going. Dismissiveness can be an effective tool.
Occasionally you’ll run into a set where there are a male friend or two. A target’s male friends are known as the "Beta males" (because if they were Alpha, they wouldn’t just be "friends" now, would they?) If your target is attractive, odds are that the male "friend" is just there because he got the "Let’s just be FRIENDS" speech. He’s hanging out with her as her friend, but secretly he’s still after her, and hopes by hanging around her and displaying what a great guy he is, she’ll eventually come around. Because of this, the male friend is often more of a cockblock threat than the female ones. This means it’s vitally important to befriend the Beta male. If you set up the frame that you’re his good buddy, he’ll be more reluctant to cockblock you, either on the spot or after you’ve left the set (since good buddies don’t cockblock each other). The last thing you want is for him to see you as just some anonymous jerk trying to screw his beloved princess, and for him to feel the need to protect her from you. Befriending him is the Good Cop approach. The opposite (but more risky) way to deal with Betas is to present yourself as the total opposite of her male friend (to whom she’s not attracted). Let’s say C&F is in play with your target and Mr. Beta says something like "Oh, he doesn’t mean it" to the target. You say "Of course I mean it!" Treat him as you would an AMOG and blow his wimpy ass out of the set with AMOG destroyer tactics (more on these below). In general, it’s good to play it safe and treat every male obstacle as an AMOG at first anyway. Once you’ve ascertained that the friend is a Beta, THEN you can shift gears and befriend him. "Sorry about busting your balls earlier bro, I thought you were being rude to me but I realize now you were just looking out for your friend". Once you’re in set with the girl and trying to isolate her: "Nice talking to you Fred, but Marie and I were just going out on the balcony to talk in private." If the Beta starts following you around like a lost puppy, say (nicely) "Hey Fred, looks like we need to get you hooked up with one of the girls here at the party so you don’t have to follow us around. Anyone spark your interest?" Other alpha males (AMOGs) One thing you’ll eventually have to contend with while picking up is the Alpha-Male, Other Guy (AMOG). The AMOG is basically your competition. Someone with decent game, looks, money, muscles, etc. or any combination of these. In other words, someone who’s a potential threat to your success with the target. A note on fighting Don’t worry about it. Unless you’re in a biker bar or some Tijuana shithole, the odds are miniscule that an AMOG will fight you over a girl. Usually deflating him using AMOG destroyers will be enough to blow him out of the set and leave you alone. Losing his cool and fighting you over her will just make him look bad in her eyes and worsen his already bleak chances, and he knows it. In fact, most people will go to great lengths to avoid a fight. Not only do they run the risk of getting their asses kicked or badly injured, they also risk getting roughed up by the bouncers throwing them out, spending a night in jail, sitting in court, the stigma of a criminal record, and maybe even prison time or a fine. There are two exceptions to this though: The first is the mean drunk. A mean drunk is usually extremely short-sighted and won’t care how stupid he looks in front of the target. All he’ll care about is kicking your ass for moving in on "his" girl (even though chances are he acted like an idiot anyway while he engaged her). The best thing to do when a drunk is involved is to NOT use AMOG destroyers on him. Instead, wait until he blows it and/or the girl gets fed up of his constant pawing and beer breath. Once he walks away (or gets carried away by club security), move in and feel free to use the situation as part of your opener. Something like "That guy was grabbing you everywhere! Don’t you feel like you need a shower now?" The other exception is the criminal kingpin. The big drug dealers, gang members, and mobsters tend to like their women hot. So if you make a habit of approaching and flirting with hot women, you run the risk of eventually gaming one of their "trophies" at some point. The good news is that these types go to great lengths to avoid run-ins with the law, so they won’t do anything rash (like have you crippled or shot) when they see you talking with their girl. What they’ll do is have someone (or several someones) come up to you and give you a fair warning. Do yourself a favor and heed it; there are plenty of other women in the world you don’t have to risk your health for. You might think this would never happen to you, but I was in a situation a couple years ago where I made contact with a STUNNING Venezuelan woman on the Internet. She was a hostess at Montreal’s most popular strip club, which happened to be part-owned by a Montreal mob figure’s son...who happened to have been involved with her until just before we met, I eventually found out. She kept inviting me to come meet her at the club when the guy wasn’t around, but no way was I getting involved there. The last thing I needed was a connected family member coming in and seeing me gaming his recent ex-girlfriend. If you find yourself in a similar situation, consider the possible consequences and do the smart thing. Anti-AMOG Tactics Tactic #1: The quickest and cleanest way to blow an AMOG out of a set is to pelt him with friendly, logical, interview-type questions to make him look BORING. Here’s how it works: The Alpha male comes into the set, all confident and cocky and funny. He’s using teasing, flirting, funny stories, and other tools to get her attracted. The girl gets into state. Then YOU show up, and start asking him "Hey bro, so where are you from?" "Oh cool, how’d you get downtown?" "Oh, what kind of car do you drive?" "That’s a nice car. Did you have trouble finding parking?" ETC ETC ETC. Eventually the target falls out of state, since everything coming out of the guy’s mouth is now BORING, logical answers, the kind of stuff that doesn’t get her revved up emotionally. She’s now a clean slate, and all the AMOG’s work to get her into state is ruined. To top it off, now YOU are the dominant male, because you’re controlling the conversation (even if only by asking boring questions), and he’s following your lead. He realizes he’s lost control of the situation and there’s no point in him sticking around. The logical questions approach is pure genius. Not only do you blow out the AMOG, but you do it in a friendly way. All you really did was ask him friendly questions about himself, so it avoids any confrontation that may have resulted from challenging him. Tactic #2: In cases where the AMOG is more challenging (won’t let you into the set, won’t let you engage him in logical questioning, is condescending to you, etc.), you have to take a harder line. With this type you have to be a little patronizing. As you do with comments to women that make them self-conscious, make the AMOG feel self-conscious and deflated about things that he really shouldn’t feel self-conscious about in the first place. Clothing is an easy target: "Oh man, you’re wearing a (BRAND NAME) shirt? You’re sooo cool, dude." His likely response will be "What? What’s wrong with (BRAND NAME)?" Come back with "Nothing dude! In high school I used to wear (BRAND NAME). It’s all good". "Wow dude, that’s a nice (shirt/watch/suit/hat/scarf). I bet you get ALL the girls with that." "I love that shirt man! Abercrombie rocks. I used to wear that shit in high school all the time!" ATOM BOMB: "That’s a wicked shirt. Where can I get one like it?" (answers with store) "(Store)? Awesome. You're like my PERSONAL FASHION ASSISTANT, dude! Keep the good advice coming! Like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!"
You can also use the AMOG’s personal style, be it hair, jewelry, or posture, to make him self-conscious: "Dude, that’s such a nice big gold chain! Is it real?" For Gino types: "I like your style, bro! You’re like an Italian Stallion!" "Bro, your hair looks great. How much gel did it take to get it like that?" For rappers: "I like your style, bro! You look like 50 Cent/P Diddy in that video." (depending on which one his clothing resembles most). For white rapper wannabes: "I like that style you’ve got going, dude. Eminem’s wicked!" For new wave guys: "Awesome style dude, the hipster look fucking rocks!" For preps: "Dude, you’re dressed to the 9s! You’re overdressed for this place." Another factor that can be used to make an AMOG self-conscious is their location or school: "You guys are from St-Leonard? You guys are sooo cool! Shit, you know I gotta impress you St-Leo guys." "You go to McGill? Dude, you’re sooo cool! McGill is SUCH an awesome school!" Misc Tactics: If you’re on the dance floor, and he’s a mediocre dancer: "Man, you’re such a great dancer! Show me some of your moves." "Man, you and that girl make SUCH a great couple! You should marry her. Go ahead, propose to her!" To avoid looking like he’s not playful, he’ll likely mock-propose to the target and look like a dork, as anyone proposing to a girl they just met would look. Then say "Actually, you know what? You two look too much alike, almost like brother and sister. That’s like incest! (Turn to target) Like marrying your own brother!" The association will be made and she’ll lose attraction for him at the thought of "getting involved with her own brother". "Hey bro, these are my little sisters. They just broke up with their boyfriends! Talk to them. Bro, they’re *feisty*. I’ll give you two hundred dollars to take them off my hands!" AMOG makes a smartass comment to you: "What? What did you say? No, man, what did you just say to try to make yourself look cooler than me? Come on, man, I wanna hear this!" After talking for a bit with the logical Q&A tactic: "You know, I thought you were a TOTAL prick at first, but you’re pretty cool! You should come to (PLACE) this weekend and meet my friends." The key is to say these things with a BIT of sarcasm in your voice, and to exaggerate your enthusiasm slightly. By doing this you make the AMOG feel self-conscious about what you were commenting on. He can’t really say anything, because for all he knows you may have been paying him a sincere compliment! Demonstrate total confidence that the girl is yours. Do it with a smile and a wink rather than a grunt and a scowl. Don’t be territorial or angry, but show her that you’re going after what you know you want. She’ll appreciate the take-charge attitude. If for some reason the AMOG gets angry, say "I’m joking around, man. I’m not fucking with you. What’s up man?" Generally the AMOG will befriend you, because they feel the emotional/psychological heat of the interaction, and they want relief of that discomfort. They wanted a return to their comfort zone, which you gave to them. If you happen to be out with a wingman, another tactic you could use is to have him handle the AMOG. Have him engage him, bombard him with logical questions, and position himself between him and you. Have him get uncomfortably close to the AMOG while he’s talking so he backs up. By the time you close your target your wingman will have pushed the AMOG to the other side of the room. The larger/taller/more built your wingman is, the better he’ll be able to accomplish this. Finally, the quickest thing you can do to indicate superiority over a guy is to pat him on the shoulder while you’re speaking. In a group, pick the ringleader and do it to him while you’re saying something funny. This will help put you not only above him, but also his boys. Watch out though, unless your completely congruent with this and also use total alpha attitude, you may piss guys off, especially if their alpha themselves. AMOG advances when you’re on a date What's the best thing to do when you’re out on a date and a guy is making his move on your girl? The best thing you can do in one of these situations is what you do BEFORE it ever happens... and it's a combination of things: 1) Realize that there's nothing to be insecure and jealous about, and that these things only lead to fear and loss. 2) Get your game in shape with women. Get yourself to the point where you can meet women in ANY situation, this way you always know DEEP DOWN that if any woman you're with ever decides to leave, you can turn around and start meeting women. This eliminates insecurity. 3) Mentally prepare. Take some time to imagine that you're in one of these situations, and notice the feelings you have. Go over it in your mind until you can think about it without having any negative emotions triggered. And here's what to do when you're actually IN the situation: 1) EXPECT IT. If you start dating hot women, other men will hit on them, GUARANTEED. It's part of life. You have to expect that it's going to happen, and not be surprised when it does. 2) Learn how to have FUN with it. Most guys have no game at all... and it's kind of funny to watch and listen to them. Start to enjoy watching guys try to meet women, because they FAIL miserably in most cases. Wait until a guy is finished trying to pick up on the girl you're with, and then get her to share the details so you can laugh. 3) Suggest that she date the guy. Say "Hey, you guys would make a cute couple... I think you should go for him." Of course, this is all said in a light, fun way. 4) Get her laughing and in a good state, then throw her over your shoulder and walk away from the guy (smirking back in his direction optional!) 5) If you suspect that the girl you're with is actually TRYING to make you jealous, talk to other women. If you actually think that a woman is deliberately trying to make you jealous, you must do some thinking as well. Some women enjoy making men compete over them, and you probably don't want to be with one of these women. They're a pain. But if you think it's just a typical situation and the girl is trying to figure out if you "really" like her (because you'll get jealous if you do), then just turn around and start a conversation with a group of girls... and wait for her to come and find you. Usually, if a woman is on a date with you and has any respect for you at all, within 30 seconds she’ll have blown out the guy making advances on her. If she hasn’t, then you really should consider whether you should be out with her in the first place. If a group of AMOGs is blatantly cat-calling your girl from across the street, construction site, etc: Yell out to them "Thanks guys, but I’m taken!" Generally, AMOG battles don’t last that long—usually a few seconds at most. Most guys are already under stress just talking to a hot woman. Even though they may appear cool on the outside, their confidence is hanging by a very thin thread. It doesn’t take much for you to move in and use anti-AMOG tactics to upset that delicate balance and blow them out. In fact, often anti-AMOG tactics won’t be needed; when the guy sees you move in and start talking to the girl, and the things you’re saying and doing have her smiling and laughing, he’ll feel defeated and excuse himself from the set.
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