Role-playing involves finding a humorous situation and then projecting the two of you into that "role". It’s very powerful because #1 it’s FUN, and #2 it projects the 2 of you doing things together in the future (even though the situations are clearly fictional). Here are some examples of role-plays you could use:

-You’re pretty cool. We should get married. Right now. Let’s go to Las Vegas and get married! It was good enough for Britney Spears, it’s good enough for us!

-There’s a plane leaving for Vegas in 2 hours. I checked!

-We’ll get Little Richard himself to marry us. Or do you prefer Elvis?

-Since we’re gonna annul the marriage after, we have to follow the rules: So we can’t have any sexual contact! (Awwwww) Ok, well maybe some heavy petting and a hickie then.

-We could have our honeymoon in Fiji! And we can stay in those grass huts that stand over the water.

-Actually FORGET the grass huts…our wedding night activities would tear the hut to shreds! And we’d get grass stains all over our NAKED bodies from all the friction! (If she brings up the no sex annulment rule, say "Well the judge won’t know we did anything when we go for the annulment")

-Remember, we’re only gonna be married for about 2 weeks, so don’t make too many plans!

-(So what are we doing now?) Well I thought we were gonna get married??

-We don’t need Vegas, its’ the same thing anyway…instead of being married by a man in an elvis costume we’ll be married by a man in a DRESS…instead of carrying you across the threshold in a cheap motel room in Vegas, it’ll be a cheap motel downtown

-Come with me, there’s a church down the street

(Walk to the nearest Church…If your meeting takes place at night there’ll be a 90% chance that the doors will be locked). This is BULLSHIT man! Churches are getting terrible hours, they’re worse than banks these days!!!

(If you happen to find that the church is open, and you have the balls to pull this off, go in with her and talk to the minister!)

Good evening Pastor/Reverend/Father, we’re looking to book a wedding. (when?) Well, as soon as possible (In three weeks in the afternoon blah blah) Can’t it be any sooner? (blah blah) This is a nice church, it must be expensive for a wedding ceremony here? (gives price) Oww…Do you offer financing? What’s your APR? (blah blah) Ok, we’ll go check with another church and come back…we’ll do some price-shopping. Thanks for your time Pastor/Reverend/Father!

(To girl after leaving) See? You have to price shop! These (Baptist, Anglican, whichever denomination) people will rip you off! Ok forget the church, all we need is a minister! We need to find a priest walking around downtown on a Friday night… Or a JUDGE!! A judge could marry us! We need to find a judge.

Hey I have an idea!! Let’s have raw, dirty, public sex right here in the street! We’ll be in front of a judge in no time!! (of course the woman will say no) Ok fine let’s smash some windows, boost a car….then smash it into the back of a police car!

Ok ok forget the wedding for tonight, we’ll get married tomorrow. I’m gonna have my bachelor party tonight, and you’re invited! Now let’s go get loaded and see some strippers!!! (she says she wants to have a bachelorette party) Well, you’ll need to find a male stripper for a bachelorette party, might be kinda tough at this late hour…I volunteer!

"Look at us! We’re sooo cool. We’re like Barbie and Ken!" (call her Barbie the rest of the night, and get her to call you Ken). "I’ll be your Ken doll! Actually I have an advantage over Ken dolls." (What?) "Ken Dolls don't come FULLY EQUIPPED!"

"We can have our own Barbie House…In the summer we can hold a Barbie Barbecue in the backyard, with that fake plastic meat on it. And our own Barbie camper…And you could have that pink Barbie Corvette so you can drive me around in style! And we can ride with the top down with these fake plastic smiles stuck to our faces! (Make really fake smile and hold it till she cracks up). Come on, let’s see YOUR fake plastic smile! (Push her until she does it, and you’ll both crack up together).

If she complains about not being beautiful enough, or she’s not blonde, tell her "It’s okay! You don’t have to be blonde and perfect to be Barbie! You can be the new ‘politically correct’ Barbie! The Barbie who gets zits sometimes…who has trouble walking in high heels…and suffers from PMS! Look at ME for example. I’m playing Ken, do I look perfect to you?" (bust on her playfully if she answers anything other than yes)

Hey I got a great idea to pass the time! (what) I dress up like a priest…You dress up as a nun…then we go to mass on Sunday, and just to freak everyone out we’d just start MAKING OUT. What do you think, "Sister"?

"If you were a man, what name would you want to have?" Then call her by that name from then on. She’ll ask you back, so have an answer ready and be prepared to have her call you it back when you use HER ‘opposite sex name’.

"Oh, you're getting fiesty huh? You know what I’d do with you? I’d dress you up.... in a red.. PVC... DEVIL outfit.. You'd have little horns like this... and a tail.. bitch boots, and..... a pitch fork. Now your friend here.. I'd dress her up in a similar angel outfit.. with wings.. and a fur halo.. and I'd roll with you guys on each arm down the street.. Every girl would be jealous of you.. And whenever I'd have to make a decision.. I'd let each of you fight over which decision is the most fun.. and whatever one would be the most fun.. we'd do that." (the periods are to show the pacing, because they roll over laughing in between every pause)

Use this role-play early on in set, or later on in set before you’re about to move them. It implants the idea of rolling on each arm, and then you throw out your arms and they jump on them like magnets.

If she acts or talks tough, or talks about pushing/punching/kicking some loser/ex-boyfriend who was making a play for her, say "Wow, you’re tough! I’m hiring you as my new BODYGUARD." If she has pointy shoes on, add "With THOSE shoes you’d be leaving guys on the floor all over the place….holding their balls and groaning in pain." Tell her "I can’t pay you much, but the benefits are GREAT." (What are the benefits?) "Well, you get to spend a lot of time hanging out with ME." If you two are going places, tell her to walk ahead of you to make sure it’s safe. You can take this wherever you want to go with it, since the premise of "guarding your body" can lead to all sorts of things. And if you’re dealing with a groupset: "You guys are TOUGH. I’m making you my bodyguards! Just like protecting the President…You’re my VICTORIA’S-SECRET SERVICE. You guys can run alongside my presidential limo in high heels and skimpy lingerie."

If she happens to show some interest in politics and it’s around election time: "You know, I think both the political candidates we have are CRAP. We should run for office, you and I. I’ll be the President and you’ll be my running-MATE. But actual mating is optional, of course..." If she resists: "Come on, you know this country could use a FEMALE vice-president! And if you ever wanted to become FULL president, all you’d have to do is arrange my assassination." Keep pushing her until she agrees, then say "Ok, I accept you as my running-mate. But I have to warn you, there’s a lot of hard campaigning ahead… A LOT of late nights." If she resists, finally say "Ok, if you’re not going to be my vice-president, then at least I’ll make you one of my bodyguards." Then go into the bodyguard role-play and bring up "Victoria’s-Secret Service". By the way, this isn’t limited to Presidential campaigns; you could insert whatever political position suits the discussion (mayor, governor, etc). And you don’t have to do this around campaign time either; just get on the topic of what a shitty job the (mayor, president, etc) is doing, and say "You know, in the next election, WE should run for office."

If a woman is bitching and complaining about something, be it work, studies, money problems, the state of the world, etc., cut her off with the following role play (and you should ALWAYS try to cut off complaining and bitching as quickly as possible, so she doesn’t link a negative state to you): "You know, I’m fed up with things here too. Let’s escape to outer space. You and I, we’ll go to Cape Canaveral and steal the Space Shuttle…Then we’ll fly it to the moon and set up our own little colony…We’ll populate it with 10,000 babies…and we can keep in touch with our friends and family through e-mail". If she freaks at the thought of 10,000 babies, just say "Well there isn’t much else to do on the moon, it’s not a very exciting place." This is a pretty limited role-play, but it’s ridiculous enough to break her state and get her off the negative topic. And after this, anytime she tries to bring it up again, you can cut her off with "I told you! We need to escape to the moon! Complaining about it is NOT the solution."

A ROLE-PLAYING scenario that’s lots of fun to do with a woman is to ask her: "If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be and why?"

After she answers, say "I like that kind of dog. I might have to buy you from the pet store."

Then say with a suspicious look on your face, while almost turning your back on her, "You don't pee on the floor, do you?"

If she says "no" then grab her hands while pulling them in close and say, "Good, then I’m taking you home with me".

Then look in her eyes, hold her hands but start to push her just a wee bit away from you, and say "Are you an adventurous doggie? Because if not I’m going to take you to the pound".

If she says that she is, pull her even closer to you and say, "Good doggie" (you might even want to pat her on the head at this point).

Then hug her and tell her that she’s such a cute doggie. Then say to her, "You know why?" She’ll say, "why". Say "Because you remind me of Sammy." She’ll ask, "Who’s Sammy?" Respond by telling her that Sammy was the only dog that you ever loved, but he had to be put down, and since she’s almost as cute as Sammy you’re going to name her "Number Two".

Then grab her really close as if you’re going to kiss her, look in her eyes, and say: "Ew... you’re trying to kiss me and you’re a dog!!!"

Closely related to role-playing is the "Would You" game. Ask her how much money it would take for her to (be a stripper, change the oil in my car, have sex with an 80 year-old man, etc). Whatever she says, try to talk her down in price!

The real beauty of role-plays is that you can easily use "call-back humor" with them. Next time you call her you can say "Hi! It’s your future temporary husband" or "Hey Barbie! It’s Ken". This can instantly get her in the fun state created by your prior role-play and start the conversation off playfully.

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