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we're sick of being crazy
pretending like we're sane
thinking no one knows us
deeper than our names
we're all fed up with crying
that no one understands
we're looking at the future
but holding empty hands
we look at where we came from
feel emotions that don't last
hating where we're standing
no better than the past
precious time is wasted
wanting to improve
too anxious too stay idle
but we're too afraid to move
generations of degenerates
we're dominoes on cue
floating through our emptiness
wanting something new
when left standing all alone
we're too blind to be afraid
abandoned, lost and hurting
battered and betrayed
casually depressed
we're sadly uninspired
impressively disorganized
we're alarmingly re-wired
we bond because we're different
and that makes us the same
acceptance is our twisted key
to shedding pointless shame



we could grow old and grey on the front porch
sipping iced tea, watching the little ones play
when their parents take a holiday home in the summer
it just couldn't be that pleasing to me even blocking the scene
when I stand to straighten my dress and you reach for your cane
to smack my ass as you rattle the ice in your near-empty glass
and I go to the kitchen despite it, the good little wife
returning to you, cold pitcher in hand
and the thin-lipped smile that you've never noticed
for a brief moment I'm gleefully refreshing your thirst
with one quick crash to your crusty old head
but then the smallest one falls and runs crying for mom
you get to laughing your creepy old man laugh
that makes you choke on clean air, such a shock to your lungs
so you reach for your pack and tip one into your mouth
suffocating around it until I strike a match
doing my part to bring you one puff closer to death
and in the billowing wisps of bluish white smoke
gracefully escaping the big gaping hole in your sagging old face
I feel the last of my dreams finally drifting away
I understand this hellish cliche is entirely my fault
for I should have left you back in our first humble home
the moment I realized I'd never understand you working so late
the comfort, the money, the recognition be damned
and you'd never get the concept of art
or why I cried when I got twisted up inside
and I could do nothing but paint just to stifle the urge to scream
because the man that I'm needing, this hero I'm seeing
he knows the true meaning of inspiration
and it's not cupping my breast during breakfast



lady winter's
gown of sleet
silky consciousness
chilling morning into silence
crinoline meditation
beneath velvet spring
hides her city



the wold had been perfect until came the day
the day the visible was hidden away
I'll tell you 'bout this, but you won't think it's true
'cause the world isn't like this around me and you
but believe it or not there was once a time
when sarcasm and lies were never just fine
there were no truths even the slightest bit stretched
nothing bent, nothing twisted, and nothing far-fetched
things were no deeper than the depths that they seemed
reality was nothing like stuff that was dreamed
but now that I've listened to what I have said
I think that maybe it's just all in my head
I'm not really sure this ever was so
if you'd ask me now I'd most likely say no
but think for a minute, if this tale was all true
where in the world now would this story put you?



before the time he came to pass
belushi used to make us laugh
you know that woman named monroe?
before she died she stole the show
jim morrison could open doors
until his heart could take no more
hendrix led his listeners on
janis lives but her life is gone
elvis sneers and shakes his hips
cigarettes hang from james dean's lips
river is gone, without a doubt
damn hollywood just dried him out
nirvana died along with kurt
just think how bad they must have hurt
the time had come to kill their pain
to bring an end to artists' reigns
they lived a lot before they died
each was a sort of suicide
a question hides behind each name
was their fame worth all the pain



a child too young
who knows too much
whose parents aren't gone
but way out of touch
they never told him
all that he knows
but he's seen what's gone on
and he knows what goes
sooner or later
there will come a time
when all that he's learned
will leave him behind



work like banshees, play the same
fall on down like cold, hard rain
a stranger's path is plain it seems
until you walk it in a dream
there are times when life subsides
and tempts the cheat of suicide
friends may come and friends may go
but always is the hateful foe
each new day brings paths to find
then your old life is left behind
there are secrets yet unfound
but to our pasts and homes we're bound
how can we live when we all die
why not give up on all these lies
are there gods and are there demons
it's all left up to pure believing
what's illusion, what is real
that all depends on how you feel
so many words, the meaning dense
tells me pure confusion makes perfect sense



stories
so precisely recounted
and retold
collecting
due payments
in head tilts
and sighs
to make up for
the pain endured
to write them



he taps lightly on her window
and proclaims his love for her
when she doesn't answer
when she pulls the covers up over here head
and shivers with her knees up to her chest
he thinks she's just asleep
and the stalker serenades her

he can't sing to her too loudly
or call during normal hours
he can't send roses or candy to her house
her daddy wouldn't understand
she's only seventeen
but just ask him-- they're so deep in love
and the stalker serenades her

she tells him she hates him
and asks him to go home
she sends his gifts back to him
and gets his number blocked
but he thinks she's just teasing
she's playing hard to get
and the stalker serenades her

she got scared and called the cops
but he's not there when they arrive
and they're gone when he comes back
she is helpless in his hands
as he starts to strangle her
if he can't have her no one can
and the stalker serenades her

two weeks later things have changed
he sits beside her grave
and taps lightly on her tombstone
pulling petals off a long stem rose
and proclaims his love for her
he thinks she's just asleep
and the stalker serenades her



Anger, Anger
Burning Souls
Embers, Smoke,
And Glowing Coals
Make the rush
But scorch your feet
Tell me hush
Yet hear the beat
Scream in pain
But fire soothes
You can escape
Just make the moves
Ashes, Ashes
Dust to Dust
Fuel the Fire
Burning Lust



One in the party
Part of the crowd
In with my friends
But myself not allowed
Listen and watch
Pretending to play
Live on the outside
Day after day
Sometimes it's easy
To just join on in
Sometimes it's simpler
But soon it wears thin
I'm killing myself
When I want to live
I want to contribute
But have nothing to give
Just once I'd love
To feel like part of the crowd
They think I am
But myself not allowed



I want to give up
But I don't want to lose
I'm sitting here crying
Thinking of dying
But how would they take it
When they heard the news
They say they love me
But who really knows
I'm sitting here thinking
What good is this bringing
They swear that they care
But you know how that goes
Why not say forget it
Forget the whole world
I'm sitting here coping
About to give up on hoping
What harm would it do
To forget this one girl



My temper is soaring
My rage is blazing
My anger is boiling
As we speak
You look into my eyes
The one who loves you
And you feel warmth and comfort
Yet shiver
And look away
I say I love you
I'll always need you
I will be here forever
You smile, eyes sparkling
Yet the fear pulses through your veins
Can't ever quite believe
We both play the game
Pretending like it's true
But somewhere deep inside
We know, we know, we know...
You know me, and I,
Well, of course, love,
I know you...



I hold you
As you fall prisoner to sleep
Your imagination wakes
To take you away
While I lay beside you
So alive...
Your heartbeat powers me
The warmth from your chest
Soothes me, like a blanket
You squeeze my hand
As you drift again
I can't help but kiss you
Your rough and rosy cheeks
And your eyes
How I love you
I touch your hair
So soft and sweet
I watch you as you sleep
Wondering if you know
Then I close my eyes
And join you
In my dreams



I never knew
That when I died
I'd finally be alive
You cried
And said you loved me
Now you miss me
Lies
I was your world
I was you life
Your happiness and joy
Gone
You said these things
They think, What a shame
And add some tears to yours
Everyone believes
You're too charming
Too sweet
Too innocent, and good
And I never knew what I had
Now I'm gone
But I never knew
That when I died
I'd finally be alive



Who condemned me
Who branded me
Just made me who I am
Lonely so and hurting
Free but never happy
Bursting with grievance
That's me
And that's not good
You think you have control
That I'm yours
Any kiss you blow I'll catch
Because I never have been happy
And you could make it so
But here's the truth
You'd live for me
I'd live for you
You'd die for me
I'd die for you
You will always love me
But I have never
Loved you



Black satin blanket
Too slick to grasp
Blinds me as it covers
Leaving me in darkness
With no way out
And I begin to sleep
After comes my dreams
Turning into nightmares
I shiver, shake, and sweat
As I begin to drown
Freezing nighttime waters
Seas I've never seen
And as I'm falling downward
The tide is going up
I'm reaching for my air
Dying for a breath
Without it comes my sleep
Beneath eternal blankets
Black satin earth
Too slick to grasp



Thinking of you
While I should be dreaming
Like a ship on the sea
In waters that rock
You lull me to sleep
While I search for a place
So pure and true
With mountains and beaches
Like I've never seen
Lightning and thunder
As pure as your heart
As bright as you mind
Fill me with fear
Yet thrill me
With a promise of love
And a life yet to come
With your hand in mine
As we close our eyes
And I dream of you
When I really should think



Finally growing up
With the best of friends
Hold one last winter night
Hosing down the sidewalk
Making angels in the snow
Pretending like they're five again
Just like they wished they were
Listening to music loud
Jumping on the bed
And playing children's games
No worries, no fears
Immortality of youth
Cuddling up in blankets
While watching old cartoons
In their hearts they knew
That feeling couldn't last
But what's the harm
In celebrating
One last night of heaven
Before they must grow up



Falling for a friend
A painful kind of love
Weighing the good
Against the bad
Comparing pros and cons
If you take the dive
Give it a shot
You could ruin what you have
But then again
Maybe you'd be missing
The Love of your Life
Since the day
My feelings changed
I knew it would never
Be the same
But my heart aches
Every time
I see my Love
It is love
A painful kind of love
Falling for a friend



I love someone so sweet
With such a beautiful heart
Who is to say
They can keep us apart
Who knows what this is
Who knows what it means
Who knows what might happen
Despite the distance between
A love without influence
A love without shame
A love without pressure
But not without pain
To see my love's face
To hold my love's hand
No other dream
In the world is so grand
This is just the beginning
But it's a beautiful start
This little world is all ours
It can't keep us apart...



I can't feel the magic
But I know it's still there
Too much time apart
Burning voids in my heart
With a feeling so strong
It just can't disappear
A undying love
We felt it so true
A heaven on earth
A new kind of birth
Now the love's dying
But what can we do
I haven't found it
This mystery's tragic
I'm always searching
But I don't think it's working
I know it's still there
But I can't feel the magic

Can our minds be one when we've never touched
Are we still sane when we feel so much
Something so right like I've never known
With you in my thoughts I'm never alone
I long for the day your hands are in mine
But you're in my arms in my mind all the time
I really do hurt without you by my side
Though soon you'll be here for the rest of our lives
I've done some things I'm sure that he knew
That's why I can't believe God has blessed me with you
From the points of the stars to the depths of the sea
I hold you so close, You're so special to me
Please hold me tight and don't ever let go
I love you more than you'll ever know



I know that you love me
But I still have this fear
I'm afraid you will leave me
When you know your head's clear
I happened to be there
When you felt your love fading
I gave you support
And the love you were craving
Once your heart heals
From the last time it broke
I'm afraid you will realize
You were wrong when you spoke
When you said you love me
And you need me so much
You want to hold me
Feel my love and my touch
I fear that someday
You might change your mind
You'll take all that I gave you
And leave me behind



In my dreams
for me to be
an angel in your world..
Impossible
i'm sure..
In my dreams
to never be
an anchor
not holding you
to me
but holding me
to you..
You live
and do
and see
with me
not beside you
but dragging
along behind you..
In my dreams
and in my world
you're happiness
to me but..
In your dreams
and in your world
a mystery

I promise you both this wasn't my fault.
I admit I was there, but knew nothing at all.
I'm only eleven, I'm not ready to die!
Mom, won't you promise, when I leave here, don't cry?
I have so much to do, but just a few minutes left.
I'm sorry I'm dying, Dad, but I'm trying my best.
I have only one wish, try to make it come true.
I will be gone soon, but you'll do this, won't you?
Take care of Brother, he'll need you, you know.
My life may be gone now, but he's got years left to go.
Please tell him I love him; I love you both, too.
Tell him to fight this, he'll learn what to do.
He's still so young, I'm afraid he'll forget.
I know how he watched me, now I'm dying like this.
You've got to be strong, don't let him wear down.
Don't let him lose sight of the goals he has found.
He's smarter than me, but he'll grow up too fast.
If this can be done, though, I could be one of the last.
I thank you so much, Mom, for the chance that I had.
Dad, I'm so sorry, I hope you're not mad.
I'm starting to drift now, I'm slipping away...
Just know that I love you, we'll be back together someday.
I feel myself falling, I'm seeing the light...
Don't forget about Brother, I love you, Goodnight...

gently close the door
let's not disturb
the dust of dreams
and memories
we have left within
let's walk away in silence
from this empty room
where the cobwebs of our happiness
will never hang again
softly close the door
without a sound
or sigh or tear
without a single word
walk away in silence
from this empty room
so the ghosts of promises
is all that can be heard

she runs into the night
screaming to the sky
she runs away, arms outstretched
an angel, her wings
but the stars are strong
and she is blind as teardrops hide her eyes
before they hit the earth
softening the dust
pain will take her on

until the midnight breeze creeps up behind
and brings his arms around her
forcing her to calm
stop her where she is
icy kisses touch her neck, dancing her
a slow romantic waltz
strands of silk whisping all about
tilt her face up to the sky
and kiss her
bathing her in moonlight
as he sings a summer song
calling her, calling her
won't you come along?

but then the air is still
the stars and moon and slippery dew
sweet grass and whispering trees
crickets, locusts, frogs
nighttime summer wind
hugging her for him again

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