"In with Hickman, Out with Picc". "In with Hickman, Out With Picc". "In with Hickman, Out With Picc". This is the mantra I woke up to the other morning. I recognized the voice. When fully awake I realized that sometime in the middle of the night Flo had made a placard that said VOTE FOR HICKMAN and put it on a long stick. Oh no! She thinks she's at a political rally! "What ARE you doing, Flo?" "Whaddaya think? It's an election year, so I'm campaigning!", she replied. "Flo. Listen to me. This is NOT an election. Hickman is NOT running for office. It's SURGERY", said I. She looked at me squarely, and said, "Perhaps you are half right. But I'm half right too. I looked at your hospital form and it clearly states: Karen Knisely, 5/4/04, 1:00p.m., Hickman in, Picc out, ELECTIVE surgery." She went back to her marching.
Even though we had to get up at 3:30 a.m. Flo was excited. "I just LOVE going to the hospital! People actually KNOW me there!", she exclaimed. Her feelings were understandable, because it certainly seems that nobody around here recognizes her at all. She says she may as well have been born on Mars. Even the local doctors have to look her up on their palm pilots, and even then, only after they ask how to spell her name! And sometimes that gives Flo a feeling of isolation. So it was with glee that she traveled on the two hour trip to the Short Stay Clinic at the Hospital. She wasn't terribly disappointed when the front desk clerk asked who she was. After all, that little girl WAS just a clerk, and prosbably right out of high school to boot. But following the clerk, we came in contact with the orderlies, the CNA, the phlebotomist, the ultrasound technician, and the nurse in charge. Everybody asked about Flo. Everybody wrote stuff down ABOUT Flo, but sadly, not a soul seemed to ! know who she was. Flo looked defeated when she said, "It's a good thing I have YOU, or I wouldn't have a single friend in the whole wide world". "Flo", said I, "Can you say the words 'DRAMA QUEEN'?" She snorted as she turned to head toward the surgical waiting area.
For the next two hours she just hung around in that waiting room, spending most of her time arguing with the oxygen over tubing entanglements. After a while she said, "I think nobody likes me." Right at that moment I didn't need any more Drama Queen performances. Nevertheless, I humored her by asking, "What's wrong now, Flo?" "Well", she began, "Everyone here seems to like YOU. They bring you warm blankets, they say nice things to you, and when they look at you, it's with kindness and concern in their eyes". "So what's your point?" I asked. "Well, when they ask what I'M doing here, and what MY purpose is, I can tell they don't like your answers. It makes them SAD. Then they look at ME like it's all MY fault. And when they REALLY look at me, their faces get REALLY sad". At that point I'd had it with Flo and her whining. If I had told her once, I'd told her a thousand times, but I had to tell her again, "FLO! Listen to me! You've GOT to stop wearing BLACK all the time. It make! s people depressed!" She immediately demanded the phone number of the Accredo Task Force. Ahhh, maybe she's finally going to DO something about her wardrobe.
I have to say, Flo was right about ONE thing. She's not well known, even in hospitals. Even the anesthesiologist gave himself away when he asked me if Flo was carrying enough medicine to last for the next 30 minutes! Oh sure! Like we would show up for surgery with Flo running on EMPTY!! I assured her it was just his job, and he's required to ask EVERYTHING. Plus, we didn't exactly make him feel comfortable by bringing all her backup supplies to the O.R.
Once we got to RECOVERY Flo began to relax. "We're halfway home now", she said. I looked perplexed, so she added, "Hickman's in, but Picc's not out yet". Then, suddenly, without any warning, HEADQUARTERS SHOWED UP!! I've never seen Flo so happy. FINALLY someone actually RECOGNIZED Flo! And to boot, Headquarters had a new assistant. Flo got to show off for her and display her many talents. What a glorious day for Flo!! And the best moment of all was when Headquarters switched Flo's line to the BRAND NEW SHINY HICKMAN, and then the long awaited moment finally arrived and it was OUT WITH PICC!!! Of course, I asked Headquarters if I could give that Picc one last kick, but it was too late, she'd already thrown it away.
So with Picc finally out and buried, Flo and I happily departed, me in my complimentary hospital wheelchair, she snuggled next to me. Everyone seemed to be watching with intense curiosity, but we didn't care as we sailed through the hospital halls, Flo holding her campaign sign high while we chanted in unison "In With Hickman, Out With Picc".
This morning I asked Flo if she thought that some of the Side Effects could be dose related. She told me she knew nothing about the Dose family, nor did she know much about relatives, or relationships in general, since she IS a clone and all. She's such a Smarty Pants sometimes. Other times she's one cool chic. But if you ask me, mostly she's pretty sqaure. She loves to do boring stuff, like counting milligrams, and keeping track of resolution volumes and pump rates. In the old days she would have been one of those kids who ran around with a slide rule hanging off her belt. But if she's ANYTHING, she's REGULAR! Boy oh boy, she just doesn't miss a beat. She does her thing, and does it ON TIME. And talk about TIRELESS! I have to tell ya, at first her endless energy made me feel inferior. But I felt better once I realized I'D HAVE UNLIMITED ENERGY TOO IF I LIVED ON BATTERIES.
Flo and I met Nanogram #10 the other night, and so far we really like her. She must be a cheerleader, or perhaps a motivational speaker, or maybe even a slave driver, because she's been able to get the other nine nanograms to start working harder. They all seem to be working on a project to improve energy reserves right here in my own personal individual community. It's true! I've been finding bits of energy EVERYWHERE. A little here, a little there, and sometimes at the most surprising times and in the most surprising places! And here's the best part. NONE of it comes under the Duracell label! I can't wait to see what happens when we double the crew to 20!
Did you ever meet someone, and then wonder just WHO it is they remind you of? Well, that's been the case with Flo. Finally, at exactly 3:07am, I woke up and KNEW exactly who it was Flo reminded me of! Well, actually, it's a WHAT, not a WHO. Did you ever play Tether Ball? Well, Tether Ball is the WHAT. Yep. Just think about it. Flo, of course, is always the Ball, her tubing couldn't be a stronger Tether, and me, of course, I am the Pole. There are only two differences. One, I'm a pole that's not cemented into a stationary home, and two, nobody gets to play this game except me. Sometimes I fling her around, but she always sticks with me, sometimes winding around and around me, and if I drop her she just hangs there right at my side, waiting for the next game to begin. Do you see what I mean? All I can say is it's a good thing I like her so much because she seems determined to become my Forever Friend. Yep, just like diamonds, Flo is a girl's best friend. And also, just like d! iamonds, Flo is forever.
I have to admit that I'm glad the election is finally over. And I'm even happier about the new incumbent. Hickman is doing a far better job than Picc could ever dream of doing. And Hickman seems to be a lot less trouble for the community at large. Picc was always needing assistance from everyone, while Hickman seems to be far less demanding. And another thing; Hickman seems to know how to choose a good location. He's set up his office in a nice, flat, out of the way location, while Picc always seemed to put himself in arm's way. Picc was not one bit funny, you know. Hickman, on the other hand, has kept me in stitches for two weeks now. I also feel that Picc had a personality disorder, probably Narcissism. He was so showy, always having be in the limelight where everyone could see him. Hickman is very secure with himself, and sits behind closed doors where he enjoys his privacy. Yes, I definitely prefer Hickman to Picc. The two relationships are entirely different. Picc......! well..... his name was justified because he used to picc on me. Whereas, Hickman.......well..... we are really bonding now.