I was surprised their advanced doctors didn�t know anything about it when I suggested this as a reason. Then I made them sad when I asked if their slaves didn�t have that ability. They just shook their heads sadly and I couldn�t understand why they were upset. It was making me nervous and I could feel my green irises changing to grey�grey meaning fear. I didn�t understand why they were upset with me and so I had no idea of how to appease them. As I glanced around at this room of drugs and needles I began to realise why they had brought me here. They wanted to use the technology in this room to punish me and now they had tricked me into making them upset to give them an excuse to do so. Not that they needed an excuse but it seemed to make them feel better to have one.
The small mistress was approaching me quickly , her sharp jerky movements were a sharp contrast from the soft, gentle, comforting way she had been moving previously. She was tense and her voice was high and louder than normal. If I had listened to her words of
�This is amazing, Jona-Quinn. Quinn, look at me, please look at me, this is incredible.� I might have known she wasn�t angry but at the time I was too scared to hear anything but the speed and loudness of her voice - my ears hearing the sounds but not interpreting them into words.
�
Janet. Janet, you�re scaring him.� Master O�Neill�s voice was my salvation, it was the same as normal and he didn�t sound angry with me. He placed a comforting arm around my shoulder trying to comfort me and I leant into his embrace, burrowing my head in his shoulder to hide my eyes that seemed to be making the small mistress so angry.
It may seem like bits of my story are missing. And they are. But what happened before I got to that strange rooms with the drugs and machines, the infirmary, is little more than a blur of slurred words and flashes of light. I remember hearing the word �Jonas� over and over in a questioning tone but I had no idea at the time that it was a name. You�ll have to learn what happened in between from my owners, as I did.
I remember them asking me questions I was too tired to answer and I remember I slept a lot but the first coherent memory of my time on Earth is that of the small mistress telling me I had been unconscious for days. Which led to the situation of me hiding my eyes from the new mistress.
I was surprised when I heard the small mistress� breathing slow down and I tensed waiting for the pain from either a sharp slap or a stinging needle. Instead all I felt was a delicate hand rubbing soothing circles in my back.
�Quinn�� Her voice was a sigh but it still sounded upset. �Quinn, I�m sorry. I didn�t mean to scare you.� I didn�t know what Quinn meant but I deduced from the other words that she wasn�t angry with me and risked a glance at her. She was smiling gently but sadly and I found I wasn�t so scared any more � although I couldn�t think of a reason why. Master Teal�c said that emotion is called trust. I found I quite liked the smile and I tried one of my own for the first time since I was a very small baby. It probably didn�t pull off quite the happy effect a smile is suppose to though due to my watery eyes, weakened state and the constant shivering that signified the start of mild shock.
�Quinn�� She started, then paused. �Do you mind if I call you that?� I had just stared at her for a while, not wanting to be tricked into giving an opinion, but when she just continued smiling I risked shaking my head � no I didn�t mind. �That�s nice, thank you, Quinn.� She said softly and I allowed myself to uncurl slightly from Master O�Neill. �I�d like it if you sat back on the bed, would you like to do that?�
Mistress Carter�Sam�tells me Doctor Janet was treating me as she would have done a small child. She says that�s how I was acting that day. Even had I not an eidetic memory I could never forget the look on her face when I told her that I am, in fact, only six Earth years old.
The fact that the small mistress knew how to talk to me when I was frightened, even though I hadn�t told her I was really only 6, convinced me she was very clever and I slowly walked over to the bed and sat on it. I wasn�t aware of pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them but the small, clever mistress was and that was what made her send everyone out of the room. What finally showed her how very scared and afraid I was.
�Alright, Quinn��
I didn�t realise it but I was in shock at that point. Waking up in this new and frightening place with these scary new owners that wouldn�t tell me how to be good had made me vulnerable.
�Quinn, I have a blanket here, I think it might make you feel better if you wear it around your shoulders.� She started and I nodded�trying to get my brain to work properly to tell her I agreed. The most I could manage was a whispered,
�Cold��
She seemed to understand my meaning, she is very clever you know, as she nodded and said,
�How about I put this around you. Would you like that?�
I wanted the blanket and I nodded. "Please.�
I suppose it a sign of how �out of it� (as master O�Neill puts it) I was that I dared to ask for something and that I didn�t suspect this new mistress was just playing mind games with me, like so many others before. Or maybe it wasn�t me at all, maybe it was Doctor Janet�s calming influence that gave me the confidence and trust I needed to make that simple request.
I guess you might be wondering why I was so proud of myself for doing such a simple little thing as asking, not even properly asking, for a blanket. But I have found that when it comes to slaves, Earthlings have very little knowledge at all. As smart as they are � they still have very much to learn. That is why I like to talk to Teal�c about things such as that. He, as a former slave, knows what you do not � just how very frightening it is to ask for something when you have come to expect a beating every time you do.
For instance my first time was when I was one year old, probably the equivalent of a 5 year old Earthling child. I was suffering from what I now know is called a throat infection. But at the time all I knew was that my throat hurt. I had waited all day in the hope that I might get some water � that master had not the best memory when it came to feeding and watering his slaves � but I hadn�t got any. I had gone to him and humbly asked for a glass of water. He had been furious. I don�t like to talk about what happened next because I know it upsets my new owners but suffice to say the subsequent days I spent locked in that master�s closet were the days when I realised asking for things was a bad idea.
There are far more examples than that. As I have said, I am flawed and though that first lesson should have told me never to ask for something I did again and again. And received punishment after punishment until eventually I gave up and learned to suffer in silence.
So now maybe you understand, just as my new owners do now, why it was a strange thing for me to have done in the circumstances.
�There�Isn�t that better?� The small mistress asked as she draped the blanket over my shoulders.
I nodded and whispered thank you to her.
�I�m very sorry I frightened you, Quinn.� She said and I shook my head, waving my hand feebly. I didn�t want this mistress to feel sorry about anything, she had given me a blanket and talked nice to me and even given me a smile. As warmth returned to my body I came to the conclusion that I likes this new mistress very much.
�S�okay.� I mumbled at her.
�I was just very interested in seeing your eyes change colour.� She carried on and I closed my eye, content to enjoy the sound of her soft voice. �And I got excited, I should have been more careful, I know this must be very frightening for you.�
I nodded in agreement. This mistress was very clever indeed.
�Next time if someone frightens you I would like you to try to say so. Could you do that?�
I froze at this, jolted out of my peaceful state. I�I couldn�t, I wasn�t supposed to say. I couldn�t tell her. Then I realised�I didn�t have to.
�When�when I get scared, my eyes turn grey.� I told her hoping she would draw the conclusions for herself so that I didn�t need to say anything to break my programming.
�That will be helpful, Quinn.� She said softly, �But I still want you to try to say so as well. I know it�s hard for you.�
I wondered how she knew that but I decided that it must just be due to her cleverness.
�You don�t have to do it.� She carried on, �But I would like it if you did.� Then she lifted my chin up gently and I could my eyes reflected in hers � they were green. �Will you try, Quinn?� She asked and I answered automatically.
�Yes mistress.� But unlike any of the previous of times I had said that in response to a question�this time I really meant it.