Dutch Toilets

Perhaps not the most palatable of topics, but it's something that I've been meaning to comment on ever since moving to this country. What could I possibly have to say about toilets? A toilet is a toilet, right? Well, not quite. I mean, sure, they serve the same function, but as you will discover (should you choose to continue reading), the actual structure of the toilet can be quite different.

The toilets in Japan are also different, which I'm used to. They have special units they sell which keep your seat heated, and also act as a bidet. Really nice, actually. You'll never sit down on a cold toilet seat again! *grin* But the Dutch toilets are different in a much more fundamental way.

For starters: if you can picture this, there is a sort of flat surface inside the actual bowl of the toilet. I have come to think of it as some sort of altar upon which you leave your offerings for the porcelain gods. What's that? I'm sick? Well, I didn't design the toilet! But as time goes on, the idea becomes less strange to me. I think now that they actually designed the flat surface as a sort of "splash guard." Heh. I can't believe I'm writing about this. But it works, it really does.

The aesthetic structure of the toilet aside, I can't for the life of me understand why the Dutch couldn't decide on one type of flusher. I mean, come on, guys! I have to inspect each new toilet before I use it just to figure out how to flush it! *grumble* Most of the time there is a sort of button, I guess I'll call it, built into the top of the tank, and you just have to push it. Some are simple - big lever, just push it. The other types try to trick you, and are triangular-shaped with a circle in the center. I kept trying to push the little button before my finger slipped and I pushed the area around it and the toilet flushed. *sigh* And that's not even the worst of it! No lie, there is this one Italian restaurant in Scheveningen that tops the "Tricky Toilet" category. I spent about 5 minutes in the stall trying to figure out how to flush the stupid thing. I pushed all kinds of knobs on the top of the toilet, tried twisting knobs or stepping on knobs of the toilet on the floor. I was really getting frustrated when i noticed a different colored tile on the wall. I couldn't read any Dutch at the time, so I figured, what the heck, I'll just push it and hope it's not an emergeny button of some sort. And the toilet flushed! Hooray! People actually asked me if I was okay when I went back to the table, I had taken so long... *blush*

The Dutch also know how to have a little fun with toilets. In the international airport Schiphol, during the European soccer championship last year, apparantly the urinals in the men's room were set up as soccer goals. Jeroen came out laughing, and when I asked him what was up, he told me that there was a Japanese tourist who was taking a picture of the "soccer goal urinal." Why he found the picture-taking funny (which okay, I admit it is) and not the fact that a urinal was set up as a soccer goal is beyond me, but hey, I'm not Dutch. *grin*

As a side-note, there also seems to be this strange custom of putting calendars inside the WC. They are simple, skinny calendars, and people's birthdays are written in. It's of course nice that people remember your birthday, but there's just something about my name hanging in a bathroom that I find disturbing. *chuckle*

And that concludes my talk on toilets. Aren't you glad I shared? But at least you won't be surprised when you come to visit Holland!