Something in the wind

What a pleasant surprise. The weather was beyond belief here last week. Bright blue skies and plenty of sunshine for almost an entire week. Too good to be true? I certainly thought so. I can't remember such a wonderful week in Holland since moving here, though I must admit that my memory isn't what it used to be. *smirk* It's too bad I didn't bring my skates here with me to Leeuwarden. Every morning I woke up longing to put on my skates and go outside, though I haven't been on them in at least half a year. I wonder what will happen when I finally strap them on. Certainly an adventure worthy of another entry! *grin* Instead, I satisfied myself by dragging a blanket and some pillows to the recently-emptied upstairs room. As long as I can get up there early enough, sunshine streams in through the windows and I can lie there in the sun, reading a good book.

Sounds like a great week, doesn't it? Lazing in the sun, curled up with your favorite book. Nothing to do, no one to answer to. But I found myself sitting in the window, watching everyone walking by outside and wondering what was driving them. I can't believe it's already May. The year is halfway over and I feel as though I have absolutely nothing to show for it. How long would it take you to go crazy from lack of anything you need to do? I haven't worked since last July when I moved here to Holland. I took up Tai Chi as an effort to fill my spare time (which is all the time), I've spent a month in Japan and another month in Seattle visiting friends and family and I'm still... dissatisfied with how my life is going.

Do you ever get the feeling that you're stuck in a rut? That something has got to change? I can't really control anything other than myself, so I've been thinking about doing something... well, not drastic, really. Just something different. I've been lying awake at night, filled with an urge to start writing again, but when I sit down, I can't think of a beginning. And an hour or two ends up passing with me just staring at my computer screen.

Deadlines are looming, the stress is building, and I need a release. Something to break out and scream, "I am in control of my own life!"