Today I am here to tell you about something I do, you do, we all do. You know, late at night, youíre feeling a little frisky. Youíre all alone, what do you do? You pop in an adult video. You watch it, you enjoy it, then you decide to go to sleep and you put the video back in its usual hiding place where it waits away from prying eyes until you decide to watch it again.
Well, you know what? I am sick of being persecuted because I happen to enjoy an adult video now and again! Why must my copy of Balls, Butts & Boobs be hidden away when other people visit? Why canít I proudly display my Wet & Sticky 1-9 videos alongside such other classic films in my library such as Casablanca and Citizen Kane? Why am I made to feel ashamed to because I enjoy a little naked-on-naked screen loviní?
 

These are the reasons why I am spearheading a movement to mainstream adult pornography in the United States of America. My new foundation, Hoping Others Realize Nudity = Yippy!, or HORNY, is as we speak, in the middle of setting up a huge celebrity gala to increase mainstream awareness of porn. Some normally stodgy, more conservative celebrities have come forth and chosen to declare their love for pornography and the desire to mainstream it and joined my cause. The event will be staged at LAís Staples Center and feature such luminous celebrities as Al and Tipper Gore introducing their new campaign slogan ìMore Whores. Vote the Gores.î Bruce Sprinsteen singing our foundationís new theme song, "Porn in the USA.î St. Louis Rams quarterback Kurt Warner making his first public announcement about his new career choice as porn star Kurt Boner. And finally, John Travolta will be previewing scenes from his new mainstream porn sequel, Battlefield: Girth.
It is star power like this that can get things done.

Some of our goals include creating a .xxx internet domain name for easy access to pornographic sites, finding more men with 12 inch + penises to employ in the industry, provide every man and woman of legal age with one adult video containing a bodily fluid in its title, and fight the Hollywood taboo of porn stars as legitimate actors by uniting with Universal Studios for a $100 million dollar film sequel starring Brendan Fraser, Elizabeth Hurley, and gangbang queen Houston entitled BeJAZZled.
 

If you support my cause, and wish in some way you could make a donation to the HORNY foundation, credit cards will be accepted over our phone line at 1-400-IM-HORNY, or can be sent through the mail at HORNY: PO Box 6969 Cockville, MO 01954. Thank you for your help.