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Jokes

If you know any other jokes e-mail them to me at [email protected] and No offense intended to anyone with these jokes.

What is Afghanistan's most popular coffee?
- Osama Bin Latte

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde) pciked p the phone,listened for a moment and said "How should I know,thats 200 miles from here" and hung up. The husband said "who was that?" and the wife said "I don't know,some woman wanting to know if the coast was clear."

Did you know they are taking out all the K-Marts in Afghanistan?
They are putting in TARGETS!!!

George W Bush is so stupid, he's still looking for a corner in his Oval Office.

"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?"
"Shut up and eat your corn flakes."

"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?"
"No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."

Mommy, the kids all say we're aliens from outer space. That's not true, is it?"
"Vegl dibrogmrn di shtrtl mixtor!"

What's dangerous and swings from trees?
A monkey with a chainsaw!

Bush and Cheney are at a restaurant for lunch. The waitress comes over and asks what they will be having.
Bush says, "I'll have a quickie."

The waitress steps back in disgust and says, "Mr. President, I thought that kind of piggish behavior went out with the last administration!"

She storms off and Dubya looks confused. Cheney shakes his head at the president and says, "George, it's pronounced QUICHE."

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''
"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"
The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"
A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"
The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"
A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"
Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"
"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

Prison Carpenter Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, ''Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.''

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite movie? "Dude, Where's my Cave?"

Why did Osama bin Laden cross the road? He thought he saw the American flag, so he ran for his life.

C.E.O. D.U.M.B One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help. "Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important." Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."

Why cant the blonde dial 911?
she could not find the eleven.

Section 2 of Jokes added Aug 25,2002

What's the national bird of Afghanistan?

DUCK!!!

What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?

The New York Jets!

- Connor

''Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today!''
''Shut up and keep digging, boy.''

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Madame.

Madame who?

Madame foot will be up your ass, if you don't open this door!

"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?"
"Shut up and eat your corn flakes."

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
mom: Hurry up and get the marshmallows!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away?
mom: Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?
mom: Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.son:

Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
mom: Shut up and get the maple syrup.

son: Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
mom: Shut up and get away from the dart board!

son: Mommy, Mommy, why is my head soaking wet and everything is spinning round and round?
mom: Shut up or I'll flush again!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Am I done with my bath yet?
mom: Shut up or I'll flush you down!

mom: Come upstairs, son, like a good boy.
son: No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
mom: Shut up and step on the gas!

son: Mommy Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here.
mom: Shut up or I'll flush it again.

son: Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
mom: Shut up and get back in the box!

son: Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big.
mom: Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!

son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a big head?
mom: Don't worry about them. Now take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
mom: Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.