�Maaaarrrrgaareeet.�
What? Who is it? Who�s there?
�Hiya Maggie!�
Lori? What is this?
�I don�t know how to tell you this Maggie�but you�re dead�
What?
�Hawkeye couldn�t help you�you just got sicker and sicker and you wasted away. Just like we all said you would.�
But I can�t be dead�I�ve only just left New York�sick? What do you mean sick? I�m fine.
�No you�re not Margaret.�
Mom? What do you mean I�m not?
�I told you this when you were 15, you�re sick�and your father didn�t want you in hospital�damn army, Alvin was never the one to believe anything was wrong.�
Don�t bring dad into this. Everything�s fine. I stopped didn�t I?
�Not in time though. I wish you�d listened to me Margaret�instead of listening to him.�
Him�DAD?
�No�him�
Why isn�t anyone making sense?
�Maaarrrgaarret, fingers down your throat, make yourself sick, dying like old folk�
Shut Up Lizzy. What would you know? You have a perfect life. Stop being such a�
�Truthful?�
Daddy? What are you doing here�you�re not dead�none of you are. You�re all ganging up on me again.
�It�s for your own good Angel��
What�s for my own good?
�You need to know why you�re doing this�why you can�t be happy.�
�Why you think you can�t be loved.�
Hawkeye? What are you doing here? You�re supposed to be driving.
�I am�I need to help you. I want to help you. We need you better. I need you better. I want the old Margaret back. The one who�d kick me if I did something wrong�the one who�d help me if I was lost or sad.�
But you have me; I�m here.
�No you�re not. You�re not here at all. This�phantom you is. Not Margaret, not Major, not Hotlips.�
�And not Maggie either.�
Why are you agreeing with him, you�ve never met Hawkeye.
�But he�s right��
�Margaret. You�ve got to stop doing this�you�ve got to stop making yourself sick all the time.�
Why? Why should I stop?
�Because you�ll end up like him.�
*A lone soldier laid dead on the ground. His stomach ripped open. Guts hanging out.*
�Dead.�
�Margaret�Margaret are you okay?� �Pull over�I think I�m gonna be.�
And by the side of the road, I emptied the contents of my stomach�not that there was much. Although I had a lot to drink last night.
And Hawkeye was there, holding my hair, rubbing my back. Maybe he did care?
�You alright now?� �Fine, can we just go?� �What brought this on?� �Just a�nothing, I probably drank too much.� �Was it a dream?�
Why am I nodding? Why am I telling him all this?
�Does this happen often?� �What, the dreaming or the throwing up? You know the second answer oh great doctor. The first�yes�all the time.� �Does it happen together?� �Just recently.� �Come on, let�s go. The sooner we get there�the sooner we can have you well.� �I suppose you called in the cavalry?� �Of course�it may take 2 to tango�but it�s gonna take a platoon to help you.� �Well I didn�t know I was such high maintenance.�
What a compliment! Coming from the master of suave himself.
�Will you just get in?� �Fine, if it�ll shut you up.� �You want a blanket or something?� �Yeah, it�s getting really cold�� �It�s the beginning of summer!� �So? It�s 5am�it�s cold. I�m cold.� �Here, now do you think you can sleep?� �I can sleep�peacefully�s another question.� �Just try okay?�
Sure, I can try�maybe even succeed. Knowing me? Probably not.
�Margaret�may I have this dance?�
Of course.
�You know, I always wondered if you were a good dancer. Whether you could twirl and whirl like others could.�
I used to love to dance. But I couldn�t continue.
�Why? You seem to be doing perfectly well here.�
My dance instructor in high school told me I didn�t have the right body shape�that I could never dance like the others. That I could never be worthy enough.
�Well she was right.�
What?
�You�ll never be worthy enough for dancing.�
You�re supposed to be helping me�encouraging me�that�s what friends are for.
�I said I was going to be tough and I am. Pure honesty. That�s what got you into this mess in the first place isn�t it.�
No it isn�t�it�s�
�That�s why you hate yourself. How you despise what you look like. Frank only wanted you because you were the last straw. Donald never wanted you�he had all his other girlfriends.�
Stop it�
�Your father never wanted you�you were never good enough for him. Your mother never liked you. Lizzy always hated you.�
Shut up�
�Everyone in Korea hated you�there goes Hotlips. The bitch major with a bitch attitude to match. Pull a prank, make you cry�make you remember you�re all alone.�
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You never hated me. Why did you convince me to stay all those times?
�I�m a doctor�I don�t turn away anyone sick or in need of help. No I don�t hate you�but everyone else does. Just look at them. Staring at you like you�re some kind of freak. They all know you�re sick. That you�re going to die.�
If�if I get better�if I stop this�will they like me?
�Maybe�but you�ll never stop. You want to be perfect? You want people to be happy? Just disappear. No Margaret means no sadness.�
No No NOOOO�
�Hey�hey sleeping beauty.�
Oh god, it was only a dream�
�Hmm�what are we here?� �No�we�re just entering Maine.� �How long have I been asleep?� �5 hours.� �How long have we been out of New York?� �About 8 hours�I sped up a little.� �Hmmm.� �We�ve got another hour or so before we get to Crabapple Cove, then 5 minutes until home.� �What time is it?� �Bit past 11�you want to stop for anything?� �Coffee�� �Food?� �Don�t push it.� �Okay, you�ll get away with it today.�
Hmmm�Maine�s quite pretty.
�Isn�t it?� �Isn�t it what?� �I can tell you�re thinking how great Maine looks. You�re right, it�s a beautiful place.� �You were always the one to read my mind.� �And you were always the one who let me.� �Unintentionally� �Well I have my ways�I lured you here didn�t I?� �Ah, now that was to save the trees.� �Yeah sure.� �I care about our environment.� �More than you do yourself.�
Don�t start now Hawk�
�Please, no fighting�I don�t have the energy too.� �I�m surprised you have the energy to do anything at the moment.� �Hawkeye please�don�t. Not now.� �Not now, okay. Let�s just grab something before we meet up with everyone.�
Everyone? Who�what is everyone?
�What? Who�s everyone?� �Like I said, I brought in the cavalry.� �Great, a reunion. Wonderful� �Well since you missed the last one, I thought we could all come together to see you.� �After you called I take it.� �Just coincidence�do you want anything?� �Just a coffee and some aspirin.� �Aspirin�s in the glove compartment, I�ll just get the coffee.�
What am I doing here? I just upped and left New York to come to a place where my �hero� is going to get me well again. Well good for him. That�s his good deed for the day done then. Help the helpless. Like anyone would know I�ve gone. No job. No friends. An occasional call from Mom, dad or Lizzy. Numerous calls from Hawkeye�at least I�m doing him a favour by being here. He�s saving money on phone calls. Oh that look in his eyes. I HATE that look.
Okay Margaret, don�t cry. Wipe the tears away. You�re crying over a man who clearly isn�t interested in anything but getting you �well�. He�s a few decades late.
�One coffee, and I got you a sandwich�just incase.�
Just smile, he�ll think you�re �co-operating.�
�Thanks.� �Aspirin, one or two?� �Two�I can�t think straight at the moment.� �Coffee, white, one sugar right?� �You remembered!� �Of course I would�We only lived together for 3 years.� �As I recall it, black with 18 sugars?� �Oh you�re an evil woman Houlihan.� �I learnt from the master.� �Colonel Potter was a sweet guy wasn�t he?� �You�re such an idiot!�
Okay this is well�nice. The coffee�s not bad too. Oh how I love his smile. The way it just makes everything better�everything happy everything�perfect.
�Shall we?� �Yeah, so who�s in the cavalry?� �Everyone.� �Everyone like who?�
But GOD he could be annoying at times.
�BJ, Potter, Charles, Trapper�� �TRAPPER?� �Yeah, caught up with him at a conference a while back.� �You�Hawkeye Pierce�a CONFERENCE?� �Gave me a chance to work on my golf.� �Typical.� �Hey, I enjoy my predictability. It�s the one sane thing about me.� �So who else?� �Just Father Mulcahy. I rang Klinger and Radar.� �By the way when did Klinger get back?� �A few months ago. They found her folks, moved them here�and both Klinger and Soon-Lee are working as translators between the two family.�
I just have to laugh. That was the funniest thing to picture. Arabic, Korean and English.
�Yeah. Anyway, he and Radar couldn�t make it.� �Probably too scared to see me.� �No�Radar�s at school and Klinger�s working�everyone else is a doctor�we can get leave anytime.� �Why would they be here?� �Because I asked them to�and once they heard, they wanted to.� �But why to see me? Why do they want to see me after everything I�ve done.� �Margaret why are you asking this? Of course they want to see you. They all care about you. It�s not just me who does. And they�re all worried about you. Just as I am�we all just want to help.� �Because you�re doctors and you have to help the �sick�.� �No it�s not. God where are you getting these ideas?� �It was all quite evident in Korea that they all pretended to care. I once asked BJ and Charles for coffee and just talk. You should have seen the way they looked at me�like it was a chore. They would rather be operating than talking to me.� �Margaret�listen to me.� �Why have we stopped?� �WILL YOU JUST listen? You�re imagining this. You�re sick. None of this happened. WE all care about you�what�s more we all love you. And we want to help you. Not because we�re doctors�but because we care. Now please, just try.� �Fine.�
Sure I�m being stubborn�I know that. I just wish he�d stop lying. I HATE lying. It�s the worst thing that could happen between friends.
�We�ll be there in an hour. Get used to it�because you�re gonna be here for a long time.�
What the? I�m not a child. I�m a grown adult. I have the freedom to go wherever the hell I damn well please. Fine if he�s gonna play it against the rules�then so am I.
�Margaret. Listen to him. Hawkeye knows what he is talking about. He�s right. You are sick. Not just physically. You�re losing your mind. He�s here to help. Everyone�s here to help. They all love you�he loves you. Why else would he be doing this?�
�What kind of stupid angel are you anyway?�
�I thought you said do whatever?�
�I got bored. He�s doing this because he�s a doctor. Just like you know. He cares because he has to. If not�he�d be another Frank Burns. That might be better�Frank didn�t care about people. He never cared about you. At least he was honest in what his intentions were.�
�Oh, and that�s why Frank was voted number one doctor then?�
�Who cares? Exactly Margaret�who cares?�
�Hawkeye does.� �What? Margaret did you say something?�
�That�s right. And not just him either. BJ and Potter and Charles and everyone. See�if Hawkeye can care�love you�then everyone can.�
�Come off it Margaret, sure, Hawkeye may �care�. He�s 0ut to make himself feel better�to get you into bed too. Everyone else is here for him. Remember, he said he had been sick too�they�re all here and you�re here too. So get your facts straight. DUH!�
�DUH? You must be desperate. Look, Margaret, don�t listen to us because we�re just saying the exact opposite of each other. Make up your own mind. Listen to Hawkeye�see even she agrees he cares.�
�Margaret�Margaret?� �Hmmm what?� �You called my name.� �When?� �About a minute ago. Is there something on your mind�something you want to tell me?� �Oh�uhhh�
SHIT! Just make up something�get him to believe anything else.
�Just how much longer?� �40 minutes or so.� �Oh.� �Is there anything you want to talk about before you see them?� �Why I am like I am.� �Yes?� �I�m asking you that. Why am I like this?� �Margaret, I can only tell you from what I�ve seen the last few years and what you�ve told me. It�s how you�ve been taught to see things. To interpret them. And what you�ve been told about yourself. How people act towards you.�
God Margaret�don�t cry�please don�t cry.
�I�I mean�why don�t people like me. Why do I have to be so�me?� �As I said befor�what do you mean why people don�t like you?� �I�I��
I can�t stop�I can�t stop the tears�the pain. Oh why can�t it go away?
�Shhh Margaret it�s okay, it�s okay�just let it out.�
And that�s what I�m doing. Crying heavily into him. I don�t know why I�m crying. I don�t want to be crying. �I just want it to end!�
�What?� �I just want it to end.� �Please Margaret�try to realise we love you�I love you. I want you back. I want my old Margaret back. I want to be kicked in the ass when I screw up. I want you to tell me that I�m being an idiot when I am. I want you to be happy. Please let me help you come back.�
What should I do? I can�t go on like this�but I can�t get help from him�
�Swallow your pride�let him help you.�
�He�s just being a..�
�SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!� �What happened what�s wrong?� �Help me Hawkeye�help me stop them�him.� �Them? Him?� �I want them to shut up�I want him to go away.� �Okay okay okay Margaret�I�ll help you get rid of them.� �I just want them to leave me alone.� �Can the others help?� �Yes�anything PLEASE?!� �Okay okay�we�ll be there. We�ll help you.�
I somehow ended up back in the car. I�m trying to keep my eyes open�I don�t want to dream�I don�t want to�
�Shhh just sleep Margaret. All will be better tomorrow.�
I didn�t dream.
