But before he can reply, Wilson Victor gets some unsolicited mail

Mr. Winson or Winslen or Wilson Viktor,

Please forgive this intrusion and any mistakes in your name (as my "read" of you wasn't completely clear) and allow me to introduce myself. My name is Phineas Barnum and I'm currently "employed" (imprisoned, really) at Area 51 by the USAF. I'm currently reading that you are about to become involved with Capt. Don Morgan who is the CEO (or Warden as we call him) here. I see a lot of money involved in this transaction. I've written to beg you to switch your transaction and do business with me. If I can store away enough money, I might be able to bribe my way out of this predicament that I find myself in. Also, please don't let Morgan know that I've contacted you as they're unaware that I've been able to use this E-mail account.

Please help.

Please also note that I'm not sure I'm 100% human. (this is one of those chancy lines, but it does serve to weed out the mugus that won't be much fun)

-- 
Phineas Taylor Barnum
Lead Channeler and Seer
Psychic and Paranormal Studies
Area 51
Voice/Fax: 206-202-0727