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Adam wants the money, Bobby wants the picture. Who will cave
first?
hosers: stupid people. A term made popular by Bob
& Doug MacKenzie, two characters created for the show SCTV
to comply with Canada's Canadian-content laws.
Again, remember this in case you are ever tempted to feel sorry
for these guys. Adam is willing to do this even though he
knows Bobby's house is on the line.
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I have confronted the players for taking of photograph but they all
mandiated me for payments of any kind of picture I want them to take.
which am not financially capable to foot as of now.
Lord Thundering Jesus, what is with these hosers you recruited?
Already they're asking you for money? Usually that only happens with the big
professional players.
So based on that, and your words in the last paragraph of your mail,
I dont want a situation you or we will misunderstand ourselives I dont
have money for the financing of the players period.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so it is left you, if you want us to go on , that issue , send
money for the sponsorship of the guys at list $2.500.dollars, IF you
care/wish. not mandiatry.
Big Adam, you know I am deeply committed to this project. I have
already sunk several tens of thousands of dollars into the THL. My house
has been put up as collateral, so if this deal goes sour, the bank takes
my home.
The sponsors will give you $9,000 for each of your players if you just
send them some proof. I have explained your situation to them, and one
of them accused me of making all this up! Please send me some proof so
I can send you some money.
If you can't get the team members together for a photo, have a photo
taken of yourself holding a sign saying "Abidjan Babes". I know you are
in a tight financial situation, but if you can just borrow enough money
to get a picture taken, the return on your investement will be
incredible.
Marg emailed me to say she was sending money through Western Union to
your lawyer, so there may be some movement on that front.
Big Adam, I am begging you. Get that picture taken and sent to me, and
I will make you part of the hottest new sport to hit Africa.
Yours,
Big Bobby |
So Jake leans on Marg for the money
ATTN,
M/S MARDGELA & CO.
WE HUMBLY APPOLOGIZE FOR OUR SLIGHT DELAYS IN RESPONDS TO YOUR MAILS
THIS VERY MOREMENT DUE TO THE PRESENT DEVELOPMENTS BROUGHT ABOUT BY AN
EMMERGENCY SOLICITIONS TO OUR CLIENTS MATTERS .
I HAVE BEEN ON SOLICITS TRANSIST REGARDS THAT MATTER ,
.
SORRY FOR THE INCONVINENCES THAT MAY HAVE CAUSE YOU.
WE ALSO PROMISE THAT SUCH DELAYS SHALL NOT REPEAT IT'S SELF ANY LONGER
HENCE FORTH WE ARE AT YOUR SERVICE 24HOURS AS OUR NOTARISED CLIENT.
WE ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE CORRECT RESEND OF THE PASSPORT NUMBERS /PARTICULARS.
WHICH WILL ENABLE US EFFECT ITHE PREPARATIONS OF THE NECESSARY ,
NEEDED DOCUMENTS AS SOON AS WE RECEIVE AND CASH THE FEE AS STATED TO
YOU HEREIN.
IN CONVERT TO THE CANADIAN DOLLARS RATE YOU ARE TO SEND VIA WESTERN
UNION MONEY TRANSFER THE TOTAL SUM OF( $ 1.400. CAD)
NOTE: / PAY WITH THIS OUR CASHIER'S NAME (JUDE NWOYE, ABIDJAN COTE D'
IVOIRE) AND SEND THE CONTROL NUMBERS , INCLUDING QUESTION AND ANSWERS
IF ANY.
WE LOOK FORWARD RECEIVING THE FEE PAYMENTS FOR ONWARDS EXPEDICTIONS OF
ACTIONS TOWARDS LEGAL SERVICES TO YOU.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANTISPETIC CO-OPERATION TO ENABLE US SERVE YOU BETTER.
HON. J.C. OHANENYE ESQ. |
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Marg replies quickly, but mentions some problems
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I just wanted to let you know that I have been to the Bank of Nova
Scotia today and withdrew the $1400.00 to cover the fees to get Adams
money out. Sorry I couldn't go sooner but it's been snowing like the
bejesus all weekend eh?! I got my car stuck after the snowplow went by
so I came home to dig out my Ski-doo. I should be able to get to the
Western Union office in about half an hour to get the money sent! You
can take it out first thing in the morning and get things rolling! If
you talk to Adam let him know his mummy Marg is taking care of business
for him!! |
After getting no email for several days, Adam starts to worry
Dear mummy Marg,
How are you over there ?, hope you are fine , infact your far silence does not give me joy of mind rather imagination and doughts.
I has been thinking wondering if there is any thing wrong with you.
please get me informed about the developments with you and the attorney to release my mind.
how far have you gone with the the attorney on the preparations of those documents as arrenged to enable the transfer soon .
As it is my best heart desire to be over there at canada and spend the Xmas with you people. mummy do some thing about that.
please I need your responds possitively .
How is Big Bobby, hope he fine too, extend my regards to him too .
Thanks.
Adamu Idris. |
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And, in fact, Adamu gets positively syrupy in his
attempts to schmooze Marg. |
And worries some more
Dear mummy, Marg,
how is over there ? hope no qualms. I has been very busy with the assignment/proposal request from the big bobby.
how far have all gone with the attorney/lawyer,
have you finalized with him ?;
what' s the present possitions of things now ?
please try to be in constant contact and co-operation with him and also get me aquinted with the developments.
waiting to hear from
Thanks.
Adamu Idris. |
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My dear Mummy Marg,
How are you today , I hope you are fine,
mummy what is the present moves with you and the lawyer.
please try to keep the ball rolling if you have not done that as the big bobby told me that you supose to have done that in his last mail to me today.
mummy above all I need to hear from you,
Are fisically alright at all?.
please to me .
Thanks.
Adamu Ifris. |
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Always trust a man who
can't spell his last name consistently. |
Okay, time to put Adamu in a different kind of suspense.
Jake and Big Adam:
Bad news - Marg has been hurt in an accident and is in hospital. I will
be flying to Ottawa immediately to see how she is doing.
Jake: I know she was off to the Western Union office to take care of
your fee. I'll see if I can track down what has happened.
Big Adam: Keep trying to get that team picture for me, eh? We must keep
things moving here.
I'll report back to you as soon as possible.
Yours
Big Bobby |
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And the next day...
Jake and Big Adam:
I just received a newspaper article on Marg's accident. It's ironic,
because Marg was always so careful to avoid avalanche zones.
Big Bobby
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| Let's explain the references and inside jokes for the
non-Canadians.
Brian Mulroney is a former Prime Minister of Canada.
There is no Parliament Hill Landslide meter, and for that
matter, there are no mountains around Ottawa, so no avalanches
either.
For government workers, a standstill *is* their standard pace
(although this isn't just a Canadian problem).
There are no igloos or dogsleds in Ottawa.
Canadian Tire is a chain of hardware stores.
Back bacon - the quintessential Canadian food, according
to people from the US.
Johnny Canuck was the Canadian equivalent of Uncle Sam and
John Bull for both World Wars.
And, of course, the Canadian penchant of expecting the government
to handle it all.
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The newspaper achieves the desired effect.
Although he claims to have tried the phone, there were no
messages. A pity - I'm sure the long distance rates from West
Africa to the West Coast of North America are steep.
"I ran mad. which made me to scratch myself "
This must be the best line ever from a 419'er.
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My dear Big Bobby,
what am I hearing?.
I have dial you line for more than 30 minites without any responds that why I ran to write this mail.
Please confirm this your number as you gave it to me ; 206 338 26 73 if it is not existing or not let me know.
because when I first glassed through the first mail and managed to read the secornd one, infact I ran mad.
which made me to scratch myself and go the nearby urban city for an emmagency telephone call,
but to my greatest embaracement I could not get you through on the line to hear from you voicely on the excert happenings.
what do say that happening with Marg?.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
please explain.
thanks
Adamu Idris. |
Poor Adam - left hanging for several days...
dear big Bobby,
how is things over there.
how is marg?. i hope she is not fataly hurt ifact am confussed on what to do since yesterday am almost runing mad.
extend my regards to her it is matter that I can't help of coming to see her face to face.
but it shall all one day come to ^materialization.
please try be getting me posted on the developments of her recoveries to get my mind relaxed .
have a nice weekend and take good care of marg. while my knels are down before the almighty for her quick recovery.
THANKS
ADAMU IDRIS.
Sorry that I haven't sent you any email. Things have been a little
crazy around here.
First of all, Marg is okay. The doctors say she's contracted
perspicacious nasturtium from being buried in the snow, but they seem to be
confident that she'll recover.
I lent her my spare laptop computer so she'd have something to do while
in hospital, and she said she emailed you. Did she? The medication
she's on makes her a little loopy, so I can't always understand what
she's trying to tell me, eh?
Anyway, I'll try to keep you posted on what is happening here. Between
Marg, the THL and I just received an offer to buy into another sports
franchise, I'm swamped. Have you made any progress on your end? |
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While Marg recovers, Adam and Big Bobby continue with business
Thanks for your mail and your excert understanding of my expainations
this has proved to me that your are noble on the game.I also thank you
the confirmation of the team name as ABIDJAN BABES
No problem. I passed it on to the graphic designers, and they're busy
coming up with team logos for you. So far it looks like they are going
with red, black and gold for the home shirts and white, black and gold
for the away shirts.
It is when you send me the money this week
that I can be able to arrenge to them every kind of hockey players
outfits from head to toal fisically good looking hockey players
meanwhile the sizes of foot wears should be between the range of size
40, 42, & 45.
That is no problem. We're getting shoes from the United States, so I'll
have to convert the sizes to their system. I wonder if they'll ever
convert to the metric system?
the T-shirt also should be between the ranges of a free sizes of 34
, 36 & XLarge.
These will be a little heavier than a regular t-shirt, due to the rough
handling during the game. The material is very breezy though, so you
don't overheat during play.
Hey, I forgot to ask: are you going to be part of the team, or are you
just going to manage them? If you aren't going to be one of the players,
let me know and I'll have a special shirt made for you as team manager.
This are what I should made avaliable at hand with me before calling
them together on the next rendavours meeting so that on my address to
them I be very bold taking and addressing them along with sharing of the
equipments which every of the part taking
member player most wear for the group photogragh that will be send to
you immediately for onwards.
Big Adam, I need players photos to get the investors funds. My own
money is tied up in THL promotional items at the moment. If you are
unable to call the entire team together, just take pictures of whichever
ones you can and send them so I can send you the money.
Again, for every player you line up, you will be sent $9,000 for
equipment and training. My investors trust me, and I trust you, but
they won't send the money without a picture of at least *some* of the
team.
I'm telling you, sit these guys down on a bench, give them a broom to
hold like a hockey stick, put a bowl on their heads like a helmet, take
a picture and send it to me. That's all you need to do, eh?
So my dear big bobby, try your possible best to send the money within
the week to enable the hesten up of the rendavous .
We're ready to go, just need the picture from you.
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