Song= Hey Jude Hi, I'm Jan and this is my page on this site! � � As you probably know from the home page, this website is being put together by my family (alters). But I wanted to have one page to tell my story. First of all, you need to know a bit about MPD/DID, so if you didn't visit the link on the first page, please do so! Now, my own story... I was 39 years old when I found out that I was a multiple. I was having some physical problems and had been going to different physicians for 3 years to try and figure out what all was wrong. Finally, my hubby decided I needed a female physician, and we started going to our present Dr. She was only in her first year of residency, but she was and is really good! Within a short amount of time she found my low thyroid, diabetes, and depression and getting these under control was her first goal. When the first two were accomplished and I still had complaints of: depression, anxiety, unexplained aches and pains, and headaches, she set me up with a psychologist. He had me take a test full of questions, and then another, different one. With the results of both tests in hand we met with both my Dr. and the psycologist. They explained to us that I needed counseling and recommended that we find a good licenced therapist. I went to meetings with a counselor 3 or 4 times when she recommended that a psychiatrist be brought in for consultation. My hubby and I had heard all the nasty stuff out there about psychiatrists; how they "plant" ideas in your brain, then suck you dry during the "therapy" that you need, etc... So when I went to the first session with the psychiatrist, my counselor and my hubby were both there in the same room. I have to admit I was scared to death! I had no idea what to expect! He was a grandfatherly type, let's call him Dr. Mead, with bushy eyebrows and all, and that seemed to calm a few of my fears. It wasn't long before he had me go into a trance. (He prefers not to call it hypnosis, because that implies that he is doing something to me, while, in fact, I go into the trances myself. Most dissociatives can do so very easily!) At that first session, as Dr. Mead contacted my subconscious it was obvious to all in the room that something was wrong. Within minutes a "child" or "little" came out, dashed under the desk and cried to be left alone! Since then, of course, we have discovered many "others" who reside within my mind, and never once have I ever doubted the diagnosis of PSTD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and DID/MPD (Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder). My MPD/DID did not occur as a result of any sexual or physical abuse. I was a very nervous little kid, a nail biter from the age of 2, which isn't surprising considering what sort of home life I had! The trauma that I suffered was the mental abuse caused by my alcoholic father who would get drunk on a regular basis and frequently beat my Mom! It was horrible to lay in bed and listen to her beg him not to hit her, hear the smacks and punches, and see the evidence of it on my beloved Mom's face the next morning while she served us all breakfast! You may say to yourself that you don't think that is enough to cause someone's mind to split into different personalities, but who can say how much an individual can take mentally before something shatters? What is "trauma"? The definition is different for everyone! What may traumatize one person, may not cause lasting damage to another. My whole family was traumatized, but it showed up in different ways with each of us! It ranges from my having MPD, to my siblings suffering from one or more of these: depression, anxiety, childhood memory loss, drug and/or alcohol abuse, the need to "control" people and surroundings, etc... I would like to quote my psychiatrist here: Some people are born knowing how to handle stress, some learn gradually as they grow, and some never learn. Those that never learn to handle stress in the normal way find other ways. Basically, what happened with me is that I didn't know how to cope with the emotions caused by our homelife. Everytime that I had an overload of any given emotion my mind learned to take that emotion and "create" someone to keep it, leaving me free to keep functioning fairly normally. Now, of course, this was done subconciously, but it was done well enough for me to survive! And once my mind learned this "trick" it continued to use it throughout my whole life! So, there are small children, teens, and adults among my alters. As my alters took "Emotions" not "Memories, I have extremely good recall of all of the happenings in my life. I can remember good times with family and friends (excluding my father), like Mom sitting on the porch at night with a cup of coffee, while many of us kids in the neighborhood played hide and seek amongst the fireflies; the times when Mom would play her guitar and sing to calm us kids; playing the "Flip Your Wig" Beatle game with my older sister while we played every Beatle album she owned; spending hours at the pool with my younger sister and our friends; trick or treating; watching my brother ice skate; all sorts of wonderful things! Unfortunately, I can also remember things like: my father being so drunk that he hit a curb while driving and yelled at Mom for not watching where he was going; my brother riding full blast up to the house yelling to warn us that my father was in town (he was a truck driver at the time); me hiding in the closet in my brother's room with a blanket over my head praying that my father wouldn't beat Mom this time; my father drunk and threatening my Grandmother and disabled Grandfather who were visiting us; yes, even all the bad things. My Mom finally got a divorce from my father when I was 10 years old, and he passed away when I was 16. The only thing I regret about his passing is that I never had the guts to tell him what I thought about him before he died. I've visited his grave many times, though it is over 500 miles away, but telling off a headstone doesn't get it for me! I've tried to forgive him, knowing now that alcoholism is a disease, and I think that I have succeeded in a way. But I can forgive and accept that I don't love him. Now my loving husband, my children, and I live with the fact that I have MPD. They are all wonderful about it! They understand that it is not something I "do" but something I "am". I am still seeing the same psychiatrist, and he is of the opinion that integration is great, if it can be accomplished; if not, the main objective is to get all of us to live "peacefully" and "cooperatively". It is the latter that we work on, because some of my "others" have expressed a definite disapproval for anything which will make them "disappear". I thought it was time to update this page and make it a little more current. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me retired in 1999. I've kind of been floating since... He was a dying breed and I've learned that DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) is no longer actually "treated", it is now just medicated. A psychiatrist regulates your meds while a therapist talks to you to keep you from ...I don't know what!?! lol! It makes it hard to get anywhere. But I'm surviving. Just as I have always survived. And I will always survive. I just have to thank God for a loving, patient, and understanding husband and grown children. � Please send Us Email! Visit the site where I got these beautiful graphics:
� � As you probably know from the home page, this website is being put together by my family (alters). But I wanted to have one page to tell my story.
First of all, you need to know a bit about MPD/DID, so if you didn't visit the link on the first page, please do so! Now, my own story... I was 39 years old when I found out that I was a multiple. I was having some physical problems and had been going to different physicians for 3 years to try and figure out what all was wrong. Finally, my hubby decided I needed a female physician, and we started going to our present Dr. She was only in her first year of residency, but she was and is really good! Within a short amount of time she found my low thyroid, diabetes, and depression and getting these under control was her first goal. When the first two were accomplished and I still had complaints of: depression, anxiety, unexplained aches and pains, and headaches, she set me up with a psychologist. He had me take a test full of questions, and then another, different one. With the results of both tests in hand we met with both my Dr. and the psycologist. They explained to us that I needed counseling and recommended that we find a good licenced therapist. I went to meetings with a counselor 3 or 4 times when she recommended that a psychiatrist be brought in for consultation. My hubby and I had heard all the nasty stuff out there about psychiatrists; how they "plant" ideas in your brain, then suck you dry during the "therapy" that you need, etc... So when I went to the first session with the psychiatrist, my counselor and my hubby were both there in the same room. I have to admit I was scared to death! I had no idea what to expect! He was a grandfatherly type, let's call him Dr. Mead, with bushy eyebrows and all, and that seemed to calm a few of my fears. It wasn't long before he had me go into a trance. (He prefers not to call it hypnosis, because that implies that he is doing something to me, while, in fact, I go into the trances myself. Most dissociatives can do so very easily!) At that first session, as Dr. Mead contacted my subconscious it was obvious to all in the room that something was wrong. Within minutes a "child" or "little" came out, dashed under the desk and cried to be left alone! Since then, of course, we have discovered many "others" who reside within my mind, and never once have I ever doubted the diagnosis of PSTD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and DID/MPD (Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder).
Now, my own story...
I was 39 years old when I found out that I was a multiple. I was having some physical problems and had been going to different physicians for 3 years to try and figure out what all was wrong. Finally, my hubby decided I needed a female physician, and we started going to our present Dr. She was only in her first year of residency, but she was and is really good! Within a short amount of time she found my low thyroid, diabetes, and depression and getting these under control was her first goal. When the first two were accomplished and I still had complaints of: depression, anxiety, unexplained aches and pains, and headaches, she set me up with a psychologist. He had me take a test full of questions, and then another, different one. With the results of both tests in hand we met with both my Dr. and the psycologist. They explained to us that I needed counseling and recommended that we find a good licenced therapist. I went to meetings with a counselor 3 or 4 times when she recommended that a psychiatrist be brought in for consultation. My hubby and I had heard all the nasty stuff out there about psychiatrists; how they "plant" ideas in your brain, then suck you dry during the "therapy" that you need, etc... So when I went to the first session with the psychiatrist, my counselor and my hubby were both there in the same room. I have to admit I was scared to death! I had no idea what to expect! He was a grandfatherly type, let's call him Dr. Mead, with bushy eyebrows and all, and that seemed to calm a few of my fears. It wasn't long before he had me go into a trance. (He prefers not to call it hypnosis, because that implies that he is doing something to me, while, in fact, I go into the trances myself. Most dissociatives can do so very easily!) At that first session, as Dr. Mead contacted my subconscious it was obvious to all in the room that something was wrong. Within minutes a "child" or "little" came out, dashed under the desk and cried to be left alone! Since then, of course, we have discovered many "others" who reside within my mind, and never once have I ever doubted the diagnosis of PSTD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and DID/MPD (Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder).
My MPD/DID did not occur as a result of any sexual or physical abuse. I was a very nervous little kid, a nail biter from the age of 2, which isn't surprising considering what sort of home life I had! The trauma that I suffered was the mental abuse caused by my alcoholic father who would get drunk on a regular basis and frequently beat my Mom! It was horrible to lay in bed and listen to her beg him not to hit her, hear the smacks and punches, and see the evidence of it on my beloved Mom's face the next morning while she served us all breakfast! You may say to yourself that you don't think that is enough to cause someone's mind to split into different personalities, but who can say how much an individual can take mentally before something shatters? What is "trauma"? The definition is different for everyone! What may traumatize one person, may not cause lasting damage to another. My whole family was traumatized, but it showed up in different ways with each of us! It ranges from my having MPD, to my siblings suffering from one or more of these: depression, anxiety, childhood memory loss, drug and/or alcohol abuse, the need to "control" people and surroundings, etc...
I would like to quote my psychiatrist here: Some people are born knowing how to handle stress, some learn gradually as they grow, and some never learn. Those that never learn to handle stress in the normal way find other ways.
Basically, what happened with me is that I didn't know how to cope with the emotions caused by our homelife. Everytime that I had an overload of any given emotion my mind learned to take that emotion and "create" someone to keep it, leaving me free to keep functioning fairly normally. Now, of course, this was done subconciously, but it was done well enough for me to survive! And once my mind learned this "trick" it continued to use it throughout my whole life! So, there are small children, teens, and adults among my alters.
As my alters took "Emotions" not "Memories, I have extremely good recall of all of the happenings in my life. I can remember good times with family and friends (excluding my father), like Mom sitting on the porch at night with a cup of coffee, while many of us kids in the neighborhood played hide and seek amongst the fireflies; the times when Mom would play her guitar and sing to calm us kids; playing the "Flip Your Wig" Beatle game with my older sister while we played every Beatle album she owned; spending hours at the pool with my younger sister and our friends; trick or treating; watching my brother ice skate; all sorts of wonderful things!
Unfortunately, I can also remember things like: my father being so drunk that he hit a curb while driving and yelled at Mom for not watching where he was going; my brother riding full blast up to the house yelling to warn us that my father was in town (he was a truck driver at the time); me hiding in the closet in my brother's room with a blanket over my head praying that my father wouldn't beat Mom this time; my father drunk and threatening my Grandmother and disabled Grandfather who were visiting us; yes, even all the bad things.
My Mom finally got a divorce from my father when I was 10 years old, and he passed away when I was 16. The only thing I regret about his passing is that I never had the guts to tell him what I thought about him before he died. I've visited his grave many times, though it is over 500 miles away, but telling off a headstone doesn't get it for me! I've tried to forgive him, knowing now that alcoholism is a disease, and I think that I have succeeded in a way. But I can forgive and accept that I don't love him.
Now my loving husband, my children, and I live with the fact that I have MPD. They are all wonderful about it! They understand that it is not something I "do" but something I "am". I am still seeing the same psychiatrist, and he is of the opinion that integration is great, if it can be accomplished; if not, the main objective is to get all of us to live "peacefully" and "cooperatively". It is the latter that we work on, because some of my "others" have expressed a definite disapproval for anything which will make them "disappear".
I thought it was time to update this page and make it a little more current. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me retired in 1999. I've kind of been floating since... He was a dying breed and I've learned that DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) is no longer actually "treated", it is now just medicated. A psychiatrist regulates your meds while a therapist talks to you to keep you from ...I don't know what!?! lol! It makes it hard to get anywhere. But I'm surviving. Just as I have always survived. And I will always survive. I just have to thank God for a loving, patient, and understanding husband and grown children.
� Please send Us Email!