Paranormal Experience

I am a forty-seven year old female who grew up in the Crystal Lake portion of the farming town Ellington in the state of Connecticut. Being born in the Army hospital of Fort Carson in Colorado, I moved to Connecticut when I was about a year old with my parents and brother. I had a dismal childhood even though my grandmother tried to make it happier. It actually started at my birth. My mother, being afraid of my father, tried to move a heavy bureau in front of the door of the appartment to prevent my father from getting in. When she did this the placenta detached from the uterus and they almost lost both my mother and me. So this is what started my life. My mother and father in an abusive relationship.

I really do not like talking negatively about my family however I am painting a picture of what it was like for me in my early childhood for a reason: I spoke to a psychic who is a part of a well-known team of investigators and a very reputable one at that. What she had told me, is that at the time of my birth there was a man from my father's side that had attached himself to me. This was a traumatic birth. Now the other thing she had told me was that my parents really didn't want me. No! I believe this and it doesn't bother me. She said that I was in the way.

The reason I believe it, and I never said it to my mother and I do not speak to my father at all, is because when my mother was in the process of transitioning from this life to the next, she made some confessions, as much as I didn't want to hear them, about my first year of life. I let her tell me because if she needed to get those things out to make peace with what happened to go to a better place after her death, then I would have listened to just about anything. Mom told me that they had put my crib in a closet [I just had a revelation* as I am writing this] and fed me on her terms and so too diapered me on her terms; not when I needed it.

*My revelation: The fear of the closet in my room. And the monster that resided in it that I felt stalked me. I'm thinking this fear is a direct result of my crib being put there. Maybe as an infant I was fearful of my parents? Or, maybe I was 'feeling' my mother's fear of my father? This isn't so far fetched as they do say that infants pick up on those feelings in the room they are in. It's always good to know the root cause of fears and the like because then an individual can work on it. This will be my thing I work on to say: "That was then. This is now. I feel badly that baby suffered like that, however, I am an adult now and it's not happening".

Numerous witnesses also informed me about the abuse they witnessed between my mother and father and this includes not only my mother but my father told me a "secret" that sickens me to the core and leads me to believe the numerous sexual abuse allegations that has been brought to the table about my father. My father quite honestly disgusts me. Not only by the information others have said to me, but also the information he revealed to me about him and my mother being involved with other individuals. A father would never tell his child that no matter what the age of his child is. I had another experience with my father [on the phone] that I am not comfortable placing here but this experience is what put me over the edge and told me that me even talking to my father was slapping all those who tried to keep me sheltered and safe from harm from this man, in the face. I forgive myself of this because a child is always curious about the absent parent and the side of the family they never knew.

My mother has always admitted her wrong-doing in light of all the experiences she had and those things with me no matter how unpleasant it was to disclose. My father on the other hand forever keeps the phrase "I did no wrong" on his lips. Oh this man did wrong. Did so much wrong. He even said this to me after I dated the police officer's son that arrested my father and was trying to get an attempted murder charge on my father because of a bloody wrench in the car and a contusion to the head on the opposite side where the injury directly resulting from being run over was? Yes, indeed, people are placed in our paths for a reason.

I know my mother wasn't an innocent person, and, my mother had a temper. That temper was before the accident and probably was multiplied after the brain injury she sustained.

I have discussed this to allow for the analysis of psychological damage to myself done with living a life of abuse with my parents until I was the age of eighteen months. There is an issue with not bonding at a young age with anyone. Those years of bonding are critical to an individual. Within those years and the early years of my parent's marriage there is also a key player in the paranormal side of things.

My father [and my mother] dabbled in the black arts. I hate to say this, like I said, about my family. This is how it was put to me. I was asked if I was given to the devil in ritual in which I replied, "I don't know". However let it be known I grew up being Catholic, I was baptized, made my first communion, my confession, and confirmation. I, too, was married in the Catholic Church. I've always read my bible. Always! Now back to the point that I do not know anything more of what exactly other than the black arts my parents 'dabbled' in.

This might come into play with my paranormal experiences as well.

What ended my being raised by both parents was a car accident on the night of December 26, 1970 or it could have been in the wee morning hours. My father used to play in band that did make it on the country western stations. He played in pubs as is the norm for bands. Back in the day they also had sponsors for their gigs and such. Well, my father for some unknown reason brought me and my brother along with him and my mother to the bar that night where he was playing. This is first hand information from both my parents. Well, let's say they are both alcoholics. Both do not know their licker tolerance and both are young and dumb at the time. From the account there was a woman that was flirting with my father and my mother got highly jealous and into a rage.

They left the bar and she was liqueured up and ready to fight still. Not accounting for the fact that my mother, red hair and blue eyes, has much Irish from my grandfather's side. She wanted to beat the girl up. Still arguing in the car. I was in the back seat sleeping and my brother was awake. My brother witnessed everything. I did not. My father said he had not been drinking that night. However he still insists he did 'nothing wrong' on all accounts so I can't really believe that this man was not drinking as my mother was dragged a block and a half under the car. She shouldn't have lived. Many have told me this. By the grace of God she did and could get a second chance. She was in a coma for six weeks.

My brother, Mom, Me

My mother was left with a traumatic brain injury and paralyzed on her left side. The doctors said she would never walk again. They didn't know my mother's stubborn streak and she proved them wrong.

This left both my brother and me with a disadvantage as well. This pulled our family unit apart. In one night there was no more 'mommy' and 'daddy'. No matter how dysfunctional our family was it was still a family. This is very traumatizing to a child. I don't know how much my brother suffered from this, my guess would be; I wouldn't be able to comprehend the magnitude of hurt this caused him as he was awake and witnessed the fight and what happened to it's fullest extent. Then he had his family ripped apart. My brother is a year older than I. He was always, even up to my mother's passing last year in 2015, her favorite. She would comment that she didn't know why she fancied him over me and this made me smile. As an adult, I didn't mind it at all. She still knew I was her child too. When my mother came out of her coma she pushed me away. She wanted my brother. I will not go into other things with this and will leave this here. I harbor no resentment as after being a mother myself, I know, with my daughter being the first and last and how much love I feel for her, I understand. The fact that she came clean about what happened to me as an infant helps tremendously as it showed me the remorse she really did have. One cannot stop their feelings about their favorites and my mother is no different. I have my favorite people too. I think this is a normal part of life.

After my parents accident my brother and I became wards of the state and my grandmother, mother's mother, was granted custody of us. My grandmother had seven children of her own that were grown at the time. My father ran after the accident. So now, not only do we have bonding issues and trauma, as a child I developed abandonment issues as well. I cannot speak for my brother so I will continue this on how it affected me. If one can know my issues and how it all made me feel then we can probably guess how hard it was for my brother. There is another tidbit of information that comes into play with me. My mother drank heavily when she was pregnant with me. I've looked up fetal alcohol syndrome [FAS] and have been studying it. There isn't much out there about adult FAS but there is a plenitude of information on children with FAS and the warnings for women who drink during their pregnancy.

I was born with crooked fingers, tongue tied, and facial features, including the thin upper lip, that go along with FAS. I have no short-term memory. It's lousy and I found out that there is trouble with face and names and remembering them in people with FAS. I do have a long term memory. Reading comprehension: I was in special classes for this. I can write, however, my comprehension of things and remembering what I read is not so good. I have a hard time with focus. There are many issues. Consequences to actions, not being able to articulate myself verbally, etc.. I have a huge problem with being around crowds and I am noise sensitive. Is all this frustrating? You bet! Is it reality? You bet! Do I struggle? You bet! However, such is life and we all have our own things and quirks about us. This is something that even though it sheds light on myself and my own psychological well-being, it should never hold me back. For others, it does. For good reason too. So as far as a personal thing I truly feel this has to be taken on an individual basis on how well a person is able to cope.

I am well-pleased with my position in life. I have a roof over my head and although I struggle to keep it; it's there. I have my daughter with me and she is beautiful, and, amazing. I am very proud of her brain! She is youngest in her class and yet still is above average academically in school. I never drank while I as pregnant. Not one sip of anything because I knew my own struggles and deficits. I couldn't do this to my child. I do not allow my child to drink soda or any form of caffeinated beverages. The sugar drinks are limited to Kool-aid. I do make 'Fit&Active' drinks from Aldi's that contain no sugar. She drinks water, juice [preferably watered down], Gatortade, and milk. I am adamant about all this because I know how important it is to be able to function with a brain at it's optimum.

My Position on Ghost Hunting and Investigating

I haven't gone into the first part of this writing without knowing that this has to be taken into account with the multitude of experiences I had with the paranormal. Initially an investigator not only investigates the claimed haunting, but also, the individual's plausibility. Even though an individual is sincere with they are telling investigators, other things might be coming into play.

In my case there was a strong uneasiness about my closet and the surrounding area: a terror. I felt something was in there to 'get me'. I just now, writing the biography of my early childhood, figured out that there might be a normal explanation for that fear as opposed to a paranormal one. For those who have paranormal experiences and truly want help; we are our own investigators first and foremost. Without our wanting to find the reasons for such experiences and wanting to rule out things beyond our control or in my case those things that were in another's control, we cannot definitively say that our own experiences were paranormal in nature. Investigators are to be called in when we exhaust the means we do have at our finger tips to explain such occurrences so that maybe the investigator can bring to light some things we are missing. So too even if we know the source of a haunting maybe we do not know how to rid ourselves of the haunting and this is another reason to call in a paranormal investigator.

With my haunt, the beginning of my life needs to be taken into account when I describe my own experiences. It all goes hand in hand. We are truly a product of our experiences both on a conscious level and an unconscious level of being. Whether the experience has a tangible solution or intangible one. Whether it's a spiritual experience or a carnal one. It is our responsibility to ground ourselves and take full responsibility, as adults, to get answers if we question things. Although I was an infant at the time, my parents putting my crib in the closet and feeding and diapering me when they wanted to not when I needed it comes into full play as to why I might have feared that closet in my room to begin with. There was abuse in the home, maybe the monster in the closet were indicative of my parents. Not a nice way to think about things, however it's a reality I cannot deny and now maybe I can move forward and learn from that insight! Even though I do not remember as an infant; the mind on a subconscious level remembers and the body too remembers.

I have reached out to people involved in investigations for help with answers. Without my capability to do my own research this would be a fruitless effort. I have made the decision to share my experience with the paranormal. However a description of my belief systems on the paranormal and investigations need to be understood first.

One of my core beliefs is that there is a difference between 'ghost hunting' and 'paranormal investigator'. I might be criticized for this notion that a ghost hunter is a person who wants to be an investigator but lacks the certain knowledge and experience behind them to be called a paranormal investigator. With this said we have to address the named television shows. Ghost Hunters being one. Do not confuse my definition of what a true ghost hunter is and this show. The individuals that are on that show make up the group called The Atlantic Paranormal Society (TAPS). They are a group of paranormal investigators not ghost hunters. The show is named Ghost Hunters and that is all I view it as.
I am going to say that Ghost Hunters [GH] and Paranormal State [PS] with Ryan Buell are the first shows I found with the credibility of teaching me what was paranormal in my life and what was not. I did watch shows like Most Haunted and A Haunting before this. It was interesting in Most Haunted with the psychic mediums. A Haunting only scared me more about the paranormal. It wasn't until GH and PS came on the television that I began to understand.

I wondered about the electromagnetic fields [EMF] in a home that wasn't grounded properly which in all probability had what is knows as phantom voltage leaking out and whether or not the old box heater emitted high EMF readings to make me uneasy in my bedroom to begin with. I began to wonder too what role living on a mountain of soapstone and mica could be responsible for the magnetic field's increasing. I learned how water can be a component to a haunting activity. We had a large lake and many streams around the home and in the woods. This was great new information to investigate for me. Could I find a natural explanation to the unnatural environment I grew up in? Maybe I'm just sensitive to the electromagnetic spectrum of devices and of lightening (my hair stands on end with lightening).

Armed with this knowledge today being coupled with what I learned about the magnetosphere of the Earth, I have scientific questions as well about what role it would play on hauntings that we do have today. It would be highly interesting for one of the many shows out there to interview a person versed about the magnetosphere of the Earth from NASA. That would be wild.

We all have our favorite paranormal shows out there. My three favorite shows include: Ghost Adventures [GA], The Dead Files [TDF], and The Demon Files [TDF]. All of which hit home on a personal level for one reason or another. There are other shows I love to watch as well as these: Haunted Collector, Deadly Possessions, Paranormal Lockdown, Paranormal State, Ghosts of Shepherdstown, and many more.

All of these shows have a key element in what I am talking about. Mostly all of the individuals that are featured on every single one of these shows have a phenomenal amount of experience behind them and thus I view them as paranormal investigators. Some have grown into their skin on these shows. I will name GA as one of those shows that started out with very young individuals who made mistakes with investigations and became seasoned investigators as a result of those experiences. With my own attachment, I have come to say that ghost hunting (not investigating) is not as cool as I've seen some young people post on social media. With the experiences I have went through not once have I described it as cool. It's traumatizing, tormenting, or my favorite phrase to describe it is a curse.

These kids that go to cemeteries and haunted locations without any protection wanting to be like their said 'hero' on the shows I've mentioned are doing so lacking the knowledge of what they can bring home with them. The term many that do go through this is not described as 'cool'. So I personally would wipe that word out of my vocabulary when I want to describe a haunting. Get real! Seriously to the sixteen year old out there that goes on their first 'hunt' bringing home an attachment that now affects the family including their younger siblings and parents whom had nothing to do with the choices that sixteen year old made it's definitely not worth it. With all the experienced investigators out there, if one is seriously considering becoming a paranormal investigator, there is no good reason one shouldn't go out with a seasoned investigator to begin with.

I speak from my own experience with an attachment and haunting when I say that ghost hunting isn't as 'cool' as one thinks it is. I reiterate, an individual seriously wanting to investigate, should do so under seasoned investigators only. I really loved the 'Moon River Brewery' episode of Ghost Adventures Aftershocks on June 18, 2016 because it supports the reason why I feel this way on both accounts. Zak started out young. I watched this man start out as a ghost hunter and transformed into a seasoned investigator over the years before my eyes. With Aftershocks he helps those that truly want the help to get away from things. People this is in no way a joke. The show is real and these are real people affected by the paranormal. Although I was wondering if the man Zak was interviewing was being extremely disrespectful to Zak, no one can argue with the man on his points about provocation and picking fights with spirit or the demonic. Zak defended himself very nicely and stayed professional throughout.

You cannot go into a place and entice a spirit to fight with you. You are in the flesh and the opponent is in the spirit and if you want to call him/her/it out you are going to be fighting on their terms. We know very little to nothing about that. Then Zak stood up for himself, nicely, and said he's not going to stop, however, has changed his way of investigating. Zak changed his way of investigating because of his experiences with the paranormal. Zak obviously had a turning point where he understood just what he was doing and now is developing new ways to get answers. I would have to say that most professional investigators has had this happen. When Zak started out the only show I was watching was Ghost Hunters.

I would have to maintain that the turning point to providing information to the public about the paranormal would have been with Paranormal State, Ghost Hunters, and Ghost Adventures. These shows pioneered the reality haunting shows that help people cope and get rid of said haunts providing the information needed so as if anyone else out there were having experiences there was a way to get the help. The first two shows are the ones that would help at this time and then the latter was trying to get evidence of the paranormal (initially) to explain their own experiences. I want to place here that this is how I personally viewed these shows. My opinion of these shows in no way reflects what anyone else or the shows were actually about..

In the years before these shows and when I grew up in the '70's and '80's there was not a whole lot of information for those who were experiencing haunts or help to get rid of them. I speak for myself that if I told too many people what exactly I experienced half wouldn't believe me and the other half would have put me away. So I would keep my mouth shut about the whole thing. This being said that the shows came and it actually made me feel more comfortable (not less afraid) that others were willing to come froward and tell their stories and try to get the help. I still, when the shows initially came out, wouldn't dream of speaking about any of this.

These investigators had no choice but to start the hard way: take some equipment and go to the local grave yard or the house on the street that is abandoned and supposedly haunted. There really was not a lot of information at anyone's finger tips. In the year 2016 however there is now a plenitude of information out there and plenty of seasoned investigators out there so to "start out" they way they did and make those mistakes chancing an attachment or even worse, an oppression from a demon, is the insane way of doing things.

I have a strong feeling that Ed and Lorraine Warren along with John Zaffis were mentors to many of the faces we see today. They are notably the most respected and most credible sources of information, save the Catholic Church in demonology, on hauntings, demons, and the like. Ed and Lorraine were first introduced to me with the Amityville Horror. Though it has been proven that Amityville was a hoax and from sources that knew the father personally, Ed and Lorraine were still very credible in their investigations.

There is an ethical clause to paranormal investigations as well. Most of the haunts out there are human haunts. First, they should be treated with respect, dignity, lovingly, without being bullied and demanded anything. They do not owe it to talk to us. They owe us nothing. For the most part they are probably still trying to figure things out and how to get to paradise. In no way shape or form should anyone treat the deceased as a circus attraction. What I mean by this statement is all those places that are open all the time for investigations and offer tours. When I pass from this world to the next I do not want to feel like I'm on display in Barnum and Baileyes performing for people who want me to talk to them, knock for them, etc.. That is not my idea of R.I.P.

I have come across the question in speaking of the paranormal that many will not watch the shows like I do because it is heartbreaking to think their loved ones are stuck on earth when we really wish they would be in Heaven. I actually had no answer for this as I personally agree with this statement. Furthermore, if I had a family member, distant or otherwise, or a friend who passed, in one of these places that are giving the tours and allowing others to entice spirit on a daily basis, I myself, would be devastated. I don't cry personally about the death of my Grandmother or Mother for this exact reason. I do not want them to be stuck here because of my own grief and my attachment to them.

Child Haunts: I am devastated at the individuals who go into a building or room where a child haunt is said to be. I lost two children due to miscarriage. I will say this. Again, I do not in no way shape or form, for them to be sticking around trying to find mommy. Mommy is right here and more over it comforts me to know that they have the best baby sitter in the world until I reunite with them: JESUS. I've seen Zak, Nick, and Aaron go into a place with a child haunt. These men are tall. They are probably intimidating to a child who doesn't know them as well. Zak, Nick, and Aaron all have hearts so I do not think they did this on purpose. If I was a child I would be hiding in a corner or behind something scared to death. A child spirit is no different. My mother in laws little girl clung to my mother in laws leg peaking around it shyly when ever I entered the room. Though she was cute as a button she still was shy and kind of afraid. This is what I view a child spirit doing. If mom isn't around to hide behind, what protection does the child have from being scared about big people who are strangers entering their 'safe' place?

Aaron made me laugh one time and my laughter was in jest. Aaron I view as a big kid. He's a good soul that has no intentions of harming others including those who have passed from this plane. With a child haunt he called out to the child, "Hey little kid do you want to play?" All I could think about is that joke about Creepers saying to little children to entice them in their car, "Hey little kid want some candy?" Did Aaron mean to do this, absolutely not. The man has a heart of gold. I can see it in his aura. However, here is the point. I have a child on earth and two in heaven. Again, I'd be upset if someone was messing with my child if I didn't get spoken to first and in the case of the car the man would be arrested.

Now, I'm kind of singling out Ghost Adventures here however by no means does it mean that they are the only investigators that do this. Other investigators make the same mistake.

Demanding anything of the dead is morally wrong and it becomes compounded when one is doing it to a child.

Am I saying it's wrong to investigate? By all means no. Helping others and wanting answers about the other side is never wrong. The first we are placed on earth to do this and the latter since the beginning man has questioned his eternal soul. I am perplexed at the line of questioning. "Is that you?" Now I don't know if shows cut out the name that comes before this question. If there is no name before this line of questioning I'd be the kind of spirit to mess with a person and come back with, "Of course it was me what did you think it was the pipes?" My favorite EVP came when Steve Gonsalves of Ghost Hunters asked, "Princess are you here?" He got an answer, "Of course I'm here where are you?" This showed me that just as we cannot see spirit at times, spirit too cannot see us at times. We can hear one another though. Could this actually support the multiple dimensions that overlap theory?

Ghost Adventures also got an EVP that interested me. They were in a penitentiary. The EVP said something like (I do not remember the exact wording with this one) "Don't believe the lie". This was interesting to me as many convicts are counseled and take Jesus as their personal savior. Could the lie begin with this? Of course I was intrigued and wanted to know more of what this man spoke of. Those are the questions I would be asking. Are you at peace? What is it like to transition to the other side? Did you meet family when you crossed over? Stuff like this. Many fear death. These are questions that if we could get some answers to them it might make it easier when our time does come. I remember how surreal it was to give birth to my daughter. I thought, "It's my turn". When my mother was in the process of transitioning I thought to myself, "this must seem surreal to her". So for me I'd be asking more questions about the body of spirit, light, love, God, Jesus, etc etc.

Of course when dealing with a demonic haunt or negative haunt to where one isn't sure if it's just a person who was really bad in life or a demon or a devil this form of questioning goes out the door as Satan is the father of lies and hates us as God's creation to begin with. With this and not knowing I'd be calling in John Zaffis, Ryan Buell, and Ralph Sarchie because of the gift of discernment as the Devil is a trickster. Amy Allen is always great with discernment.

Loss of Self-Esteem:

What I experienced in the first 18 months of my life will be carried with me for at least this physical life. There is an old clichè that is told to people who are self-centered: "The world doesn't revolve around you". I beg to differ to and change this clichè. We are the only one's who wake up and have to be with ourselves all day and night. Other individuals come and go but we cannot escape ourselves. So truly our world does revolve around us. We need to create a very healthy and life-affirming environment around ourselves and around those who we live day to day with even though we are not with them all day and night long. A child cannot do this for themselves so it becomes imperative the parents do this for their children. As we grow up and become more and more independent, it becomes more and more our own responsibility in life to surround ourselves with others who are healthy to be around. Our very survival depends on what we allow and manifest in our lives. This starts with a single thought. Please note I said healthy and not other individuals are 'bad' or 'good' people. It's not a good/bad issue as it is a healthy life-style. Life is not a thing where what is done with one can be done with another. Sadly to say, that even if it's a sibling or family member that is not conductive with our own life- force then they are the ones that need to be weeded out.

The world contains many different cultures, personalities, languages, idealisms. Respect of the human individual with something different than us is a must to be able to sustain our own life-force. If we find that we absolutely cannot share in a person's life without arguing, resenting, fighting, insulting, treating another individual like they are less than human, and the biggest of all, free of all judgments, then we need to separate from that individual out of charity for both ourselves and that of the other person. Why is this an issue? Because it becomes a thing of principle and pride. We inadvertently try to control the other individual and focus on doing this instead of forming our own world to meet the needs of ourselves. When I meditated and came to this conclusion, I asked myself, "How is this done without hurting ourselves and hurting the other person?" I came to the conclusion to look at the basic needs of the infant human. This is where we start. There is no drinking alcohol, there is no smoking, and there isn't really thought of others except for who is going to help us thrive. There is a beauty in the eyes of an infant that I see when Mom and Dad are holding them helping them that I rarely see in any other individual who has grown. The only other thing I really can compare with this is looking at people who truly love one another and seeing it when they look at each other as compared to another. We need to start our lives out living as if we are not only that infant, but also that Mom or Dad who are helping them thrive. The sky is the limit.

Think about it and ask yourself; What do I need in my life to help to make me thrive as a human person? What in my life is preventing me from thriving? For me this has been a journey after my meditating on it. I still don't have a few things in my life right that still hold me back. Part of the things I speak of include spiritual things. Discernment! This is a big thing. How do I discern between the principle working on a person and a person who is just reacting out of years of abuse to themselves without growing with experience? I need, we all need, the spirit of discernment. I also need the spirit of compassion and understanding a person. We all need this to thrive in this world. With me I have become very self-centered with all the negative things manifesting in my entire life and it's hard for me to view another without seeing the hurt they caused me (should that be the case).

It is not going to be easy to share with my readers about the years after my first 18 months of life. It was difficult to open up about the first 18 months. A severely negative haunt can destroy one inwardly emotionally, mentally, and physically. It can reek havoc between individuals and ruin relationships. It is traumatizing. I would say there is no good reason to do everything possible to rid oneself of a haunt, attachment, or demon, however I have read one good argument to not getting cleansed and saw on The Demon Files another take on it as well.

I read Aaron Goodwin's blog and watched an episode of The Demon Files that have altered my opinion of whether one should cleanse themselves and their space. In his blog under the heading "The Three Spirits That Follow Me", Aaron states that he has cleansed before and all hell broke loose in his life. My hypothesis is that in the bible Jesus speaks that if you cast out one demon, seven will return in it's place and in Wiccan tradition there is the law times three: what you cast out there (spells etc.) will come back to you three fold.

Aaron has no intentions of ceasing to investigate just as other's in his field won't. If he did cleanse, then the seven demons even worse than the first would come definitively in the place of that one or two. Again, on top of this I strongly believe, in my heart what I am taught about repentance. This being that if one is an adult you should rarely admonish him/her for their decisions. Most investigators, if they are seasoned, know the advantages and disadvantages, and in my opinion and my opinion only, know full well what they are dealing with. Many investigators know how to protect themselves from such attachments and do so. There is a level of disrespect when the line of admonishing the adult is crossed. Zak's interview with that man is a huge example of underlying disrespect. I am almost 200% sure that Zak has been preached to in his life about the gospel and about his line of work. There was no justification, other than showing the public that Zak won't change his line of work, to speak to Zak like this man was. As a matter of fact seasoned ghost investigators probably know many cultures and their religions better than the average person does. No offense meant to those who feel they are devout.

I do have a concern for the person who becomes accustomed to the negative (or seemingly so) attachments they have and like to keep around. For me and only for me, negative attachments are not good news and one cannot really believe every message they get from these spirits. However, such is the walk of many and I need to be straight and concerned for my own walk. What I can do is what my Lord instructs me to do. Pray for them. Do I need to ask others if I can pray for them. Of course not, prayer is personal between an individual and GOD. Sometimes asking someone, especially one of a different faith, if I can pray for them it's met with negativity. Our job is not to offend when we do our work as Christians. If we are truly concerned for an individual we can pray without their permission as we are instructed to pray for everyone. For me and me only, I do believe prayer to be a very secret dialog between God, the Spirit, the Lord and me. GOD knows the heart of all men. I pray and give into HIS will as HE knows better than I what EVERYONE needs.

I am empathic. I believe everyone is empathic on one level or another. It's a natural way of life to catch and absorb energies. We are all energy in motion. We are the LIGHT OF THE WORLD. So the transfer of energy when we are interacting with another being of life is always happening. Please do not confuse the word empathic with empathy. I still need to develop compassion and empathy is one aspect of compassion. I can feel the emotions of another person and I can throw my energies out at other people both not intentionally. Years upon years of picking up negative energies and the energies of sick people my energies come to be a hot mess. Cords entangled and hard to cut. These things are necessary. I try the cord cutting however I really need a better meditation to do this better. There has been one person in my life that has made a world of difference with me and my empathic abilities: Dr. Sandiee Peters. She is a wonderful and beautiful soul that I am forever grateful to have in my path. This person has helped me to help myself on so many levels and there are more levels to attend to. A very recent discussion with her as brought about a reason as to why I'm having trouble cutting one of the cords in my life. We discussed it and the action I need to do before the cord can be severed. For now, until I take action, I'm going to imagine burning the cord.

Why burning? That seems harsh. Spirit tells me that fire actually sterilizes and makes things ready to make new. Forest fires for example although very destructive on earth, the life after the old is burned off seems to flourish even better after the field is burned creating an even more beautiful scene in nature. Of course it's devastating to the man-made structures of earth and can be very costly to homes and businesses and even lives. However, as far as nature goes, it does make a way to sterilize the Earth to start new life.

I try both consciously and unconsciously to shut down my abilities. Both good and bad come through and it's the bad I cannot and will not tolerate or deal with, especially, with being a parent. I have developed a fondness for crystals and stones. Many times I've bought them. My favorite being hematite as it absorbs negative energies. There was a few times I tried to wear a quartz necklace in the past to where I had to take it off and put it somewhere or actually give it away. It seemed everything was drawn to me ten-fold when I wore it and I couldn't deal with anymore negativity in my life. After I spoke to Sandiee and had healing done and she showed me how to ground and use a worry box, I am now able to wear a quartz crystal without being affected in this manner.

Also very recently I meditated on why I was having trouble coping on a simple level of day to day living. What came through and was spoken to me through my meditation from spirit was this:

Consider an example: If my daughter injured her arm and it was seemingly broken. Would I concentrate initially on who was at fault, how I felt, why did it happen? No I would not! I would be bringing my daughter to the emergency room to have the arm x-rayed to see if it was broke or not then have it taken care of. Then I would concentrate on what I had to do to make it better along with making my daughter comfortable and heal. So too is emotional health and mental health like this. Spiritual well-being is also included in this fantastic example from spirit. I cannot consciously help my daughter heal if I concentrate on the other things I stated first. I cannot begin to heal my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being if I am concentrating on answering the first questions. I just need to grit my teeth and concentrating all my efforts on the healing and taking care of myself fully and on making myself comfortable in the process.

Many years ago I got a parable in meditation along the same lines: If I had a garden and my neighbor had a garden. What would happen to my own garden if I consistently tried to take care of my neighbor's garden? So too this is life for humans. We just cannot live our lives the way it's meant to be if we are consistently burdened with the questions that were formed in the making of our strife and circumstances. This is why I had an easier time allowing my mother her confessions to get those things off her mind to make peace before going to Jesus before His throne to answer to them.

A great saying: "Everyone has something whether it's seen or unseen. Green grass is not the indicator of a great life."

Turbulence

Every home has normal disagreements, some major disputes, and general fighting. In our home it was raised to a higher level of being turbulent almost on a daily basis. Many things that happened were darned right unwarranted and mean. Two children from a broken home placed in the care of someone other than their parents is a melting pot to begin with. The struggles my brother and I had in daily routine were great considering the blame we must have placed on ourselves at an early age for our mother getting hurt. I can't speak for my brother but for myself, I learned this fact when I was in my latter twenties in one of my many uncontrollable crying fits. I said to God, "If I was a better child maybe none of this would have happened". And I meant the accident for the most part. I was an adult [child] blaming myself for my mother's accident.

At the time I said that out loud for the first time, I knew that was a kind of insanity that I have carried into adulthood with me. A child of 18 months has nothing to do with the choices his/her parents make. Unfortunately my parents made disastrous choices that night affecting many lives afterwards. This does answer the age old question of why bad things happen to good people. This includes 9/11, the shooting at Sandyhook, all the shootings that are going on. There are three reasons:

Choices we make: The choices we make can alter not only our own lives but also the lives of others.
Choices others make: My parents accident falls under this category for me personally. Unfortunately my parents choices changed my life. 9/11, Sandyhook, shootings, war, etc.
Things beyond our control: Things beyond our control include things like weather-related conditions: hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, etc.

Alcohol played a prominent role in the whole of both family lineages. Back through the ages I don't know what others were taught in society about alcohol, however, to me and only to me, alcohol drunken to excess that causes a dependency high above the norm in a person susceptible to the affects of the addictive nature eventually creates a true monster of a person whose personality is altered dramatically and causes the slow death of the individual who is addicted and doesn't stop. Alcohol in and of itself isn't evil. However, it can be a tool of evil to keep an individual down. To me, the most abused chemically dependent substance out there is alcohol. That is said on no basis whatsoever with respect to what studies show. As far as a drug, I'd have to go with caffeine coming in a close second especially given the fact that more and more products are coming out containing huge amounts of caffeine. Large quantities of any substance can be deemed unsafe and alter brain function and many body functions. We need to be careful what is marketed to us and use our common sense returning back to what an infant needs in their body to thrive and grow. In essence those things are the only things we should be ingesting into our bodies.

There are going to be only four [a fifth touched on] individuals That will be named as I am not out to attack others based on their alcohol consumption or the abuse I feel played or plays a significant role in the personality alterations. When I mention my mother it is in no way an intended disrespect of her memory. She lived life as best she could. My father, well, I really have trouble with liking the guy. They say there is something good in everyone however I have yet to find it. However still, I am not out to slander or attack him. I do not intend on hurting him or anyone's views about him. Again, he is mortal and we all make mistakes and we all have things we would like to change. The biggest thing is that he is still in God's hands, as we all are, and I am to respect the human creation of God [one of the core beliefs in my spirituality]. When I mention my grandfather, my mother's father, this is not to dishonor his memory in the least. It's to paint a picture of what he was like in life. I never knew the man. Alcoholism played a major role in his personality. The stories I was told about things he would do and the way he treated his children will be touched on only. Not everything will be revealed. My own alcoholism, is something I can address and will not embellish. This is part of my life and forever will make up a part of my personality and the affects thereof. I do not drink. My intent is to never put alcohol in my body again. The more I review the effects of the role alcoholism played in the negative aspects of my life, the more determined I am to break the cycle and hopefully make it so that my daughter will not fall into that path in her life. The one that will be 'touched' on will not be said in this paragraph. He's still a part of my life that I need to change. Only those close to me will know the full role that this is having in my life today.

There was much turbulence in our home. Being above that of normal sibling rivalry between my brother and I. As children we were not drinking alcohol. There what a huge amount of intentional harm, throwing rocks, hitting balls directing them to hit the other person, hitting/punching, the downgrading and degrading with words and phrases that played on our psyches. Laughing when another individual was bullying and tormenting us instead of defending one another. It was a daily affliction. Later into our young adulthood/teens my grandmother was intentionally pushed down the stairs. It wasn't just me that was afflicted. It was anyone that was in that house. Everyone was conflicted with everyone for one reason or another. Some of the reasons were extremely petty. I blame spirit for a big part of this, not all of it, but a great deal of it.

My grandmother had seven children, my mother being one of them. Their childhood was not the best in the world by any means. I want to keep this here as what I was told was for me and for me only to hear and I do not want to single out any of my aunts and uncles with anything that has happened to them. This was their business and their business to talk about. The thing I will say is they had both their parents in the home. This doesn't mean it was a great childhood. In fact if today, the lower-middle class struggles to make ends meet and doesn't qualify for any federal or state help because they make just above the requirements, which I do see and really feel badly for as these individuals work hard to stay afloat, this same attribute can be said for my aunts and uncles with their parents. They struggled very much so. To me, my opinion is that this is a great tragedy in our society today.

My aunts and uncles helped grandma with my brother and me the best they could. Each and every one of them played a significant role in our lives bar none to try and make it better for us. My grandfather passed away in the house before my brother and I came to live there. He never left even after death. My grandfather was an alcoholic and was guilty of every abuse you see with alcoholics today. So added to the financial instability of my aunts and uncles and mothers upbringing I could only imagine the emotional turbulence they went through as well. This "nature", "energy", "quality", whatever it is called with the personality of an alcoholic never left the home. My grandfather also built the home and a few surrounding houses in the area we lived. People would take on this quality of "nature" at times in the home. I felt it many times. In my bedroom especially was a negative quality I couldn't get away from. Also to I always felt 'watched' in my bedroom.

A negative spirit or a demon will always try to separate family members that live in the house. I would guess it is because it's harder to play with the energy of two individuals as opposed to one. It could also be the weeding out of the strongest and the weakest. I have a feeling it will only be shown after an individual has past as to the exact reason this is done. Whatever the case is, it does this. Sewing discord among brethren is a great abomination to God. In Proverbs 6:19 it speaks of this among six other things. A demon will do all six things because he hates God's creation: Man. The demon breaths lies into the heads of those targeted and then will tell them to do things that wouldn't make sense otherwise to correct it. What easier a target is there than a child. Moreover a child that has been through trauma already and really hasn't bonded with another human to feel safe.

I do feel like I was targeted for one reason or another and singled out by spirit. Maybe it's because of not only the damage that was already done to me in my life through the decisions and actions of others, but also because I had the ability to see and feel spirit. The first separation incurred by me was that of my family unit and my mother and father. I don't know which way this went as far as a blessing or curse. Of course a child wants their parents, however, the blessing comes to when my parents have had nothing but a violent relationship that quite honestly ended in the attempted murder of my mother. So the blessing would be that my brother and I no longer was in that relationship to where we might come to harm as well. Why does God take one child out of that kind of situation while another remains I do not know. That would be a question to ask HIM. Maybe the answer will not be revealed until I, myself, transition to the next plane of existence. I don't want to be one that is questioning God. We see in the book of Job in the Holy Bible this is not a good thing to do.

The Second Separation

The second separation came when I was 17 and my prom. It all started in the house. I blame that thing in the house this time for this particular situation. I was separated from a family I looked up to and adored. Of course life happens and I don't know why I don't talk to a few of my family members. I do tend to push others away especially when I'm embarrassed and think I might let those I love down. Doing this I don't chance anything like what happened when I was 17 and the heartbreak it caused me and a few others in the family.

My aunts and uncles felt like my brother and I had it better than they and they very well could be right because we were wards of the state and they had two parents that were forced to support their children. Today I see the middle and lower middle classes struggling to make ends meet. They make just above the allotted amount for any help. I can probably assume that back then it was no different than it is today.

On the day my prom came around one of my favorite cousins that I looked up to came to do my hair and help me get ready to go. We were in my bedroom and I walked out to the kitchen for some reason and overheard my grandmother and her best friend talking. Butsy made a comment questioning the sexual preference of my cousin. Just like today, my mouth lacks a filter and I told the story not realizing what it might make my cousin feel like. The question threw my cousin into a rage and she was really angry with grandma. Somehow I didn't get the point across that Butsy said it. Wanting to right the situation when my cousin and I went walking I explained to my cousin that grandma didn't say it: Butsy did. She got even more angry siting that grandma should have defended her. This separated grandma from one of her favorite grandchildren. In 1987 the question of an individual's sexual identity was not to be spoken about. For the longest time I felt I had broken my cousin's heart and grandma's heart. For this, it broke my heart even worse.

I found out there was a lie interwoven throughout what went on that night. When I went to my prom, my date was three hours late picking me up. My other cousin who was the brother of the cousin who helped me get ready for my prom, dropped a date to bring me. Every girl's nightmare! When you are 18 and have a low self-esteem, somehow with things like the prom the desire of a Cinderella story emerges and there is that hope within that Prince Charming will notice you.

Well, my cousin brought me, there was champaign. Most children go through the age of drinking. We are all teens at one point in our lives: God-willing. I drank it. My cousin was a wild driver and when we got there my nail marks were in the dashboard.

So anyway, we get to the prom, my cousin was tired. He helped me though. Like I said he dropped his date. He was really tired. I got an invitation to go home with another friend and I said yes because my cousin was tired and could go straight home from there. Well, I dumbly took a picture of him with his head down on the table, and someone stated, and don't know if it was grandma, but given that Butsy didn't have a filter on her mouth two and two...anyhow they said my cousin was drunk. Furthermore, the biggest lie, is that I stated that my cousin wasn't a "gentleman". If my grandmother said it, I'm not calling her a lier, but that; that statement is a bold-faced lie from hell. I do have an inkling as to why she might have assumed it but putting it into words wouldn't be conductive of anything so I'm going to leave things there. It was a lie. My cousin was very much appreciated back then. I got to go to my prom.

I loved my aunts and uncles, and I looked up to them. This all was just too much to handle and really played on separating me from my family. I was humiliated within the family.

I blame that negative haunt for this. And for years prayed that God would bring the truth to light. I longed for a day that my aunt would love me again. It hurt! That thing separated me from the family quite well might I add. Anyone who knows me knows the big fondness for hugs I've developed. It's taken years with this milestone as I have never been especially comfortable hugging men, especially. When I began to hug people was when I began working in a nursing home and I could not walk past an elder that is sick and dying. These individuals need the hugs just to let them know that somehow life is still worth it.

I tell you this for a reason. Last year, July 5th 2015 at 1:30 a.m. My mother passed away. This was a hard time for me. One of the hardest that I can remember in my life. At her funeral, after 28 years, my aunt hugged me. That meant so much to me. A few years before this hug I had received the sacrament of the sick and finally rid myself of the attachment. I never thought I would get her to be nice to me when she saw me, much less, a hug! In my life, that meant more than any money in the world.

Sometimes I don't know which is worse the fighting or the fact the the emotions being uncontrollable. Not knowing why one is screaming and wanting to just hurt one another with words and physically. That kind of rage can be found within everyone however usually a person knows what caused it. With many of the arguments and fighting there was always a question of why? I know a child of trauma might experience these things so it is very difficult to weed out every single time the rages happened. I still have anger in me today that when it happens I now choose to be alone and I have gotten to the point to be able to recognize that I need to ground myself, pray, and meditate.

I still have to protect myself from absorbing another's mood or pain. In my case, it is very hard to discern and weed out what exactly was from the haunt, from PTSD, and from FAS. I have always been a sensitive child. I was especially sensitive when something or someone died. I remember my grandmother having to come to my elementary school and get me out of the cafeteria. I sat there looking at the fish on my plate. I was totally devastated that they had to kill the fish just so that we could eat it. As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for beef I probably would be vegetarian even today.

With my first session with Dr. Sandiee Peters I questioned myself considerably. I will admit this I have a huge problem getting along with others. It's so tiresome and happens all the time. I needed to know where it all was coming from. With Dr. Peters help I was informed much of the energy I have around me was not even my own. I wasn't feeling my own emotions solely. I was picking up so much energy debris, through life as well, through working in a place where there were people that were sick and dying. She helped clear all the unnecessary energy. She also helped me cut cords. I had so many negative people around me from my early 20's up until my daughter was born it wasn't even funny. Those cords needed to be cut.

Now, I can feel when an intense person who throws energy at others is around. Through no fault of their own, for me that is not healthy to be around. I cut those cords really quick and put up the mirrors. I have encountered two such people that do this. Three depending on this others person's mood and state of mind at the time I am around her. Point is for anyone it's not a healthy thing to catch those energies.

I can say that with the clearing and consistent grounding exercises that I do, it's easier for me to figure out the "puzzles" of life. Sometimes it still takes a while, meaning over a year, however, at least I can do it now.

Before these past couple years I really wouldn't have been telling my story in this form. I would seek out individuals I felt like I could trust with it. There still are skeptics out there however it's much more accepted today than it was back when I was experiencing it in the 1970's and 1980's. Today, I'm just a lady telling her story. If others do not accept my writing as truth that is OK. Not everyone has to believe. Not everyone will believe. There are those skeptics out there that refuse to know that ghosts exist. That is OK. I go by my own experiences and by one of the clearest passages in the bible in my knowing they do exist.

Jesus appears to his disciples: While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. He said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have."

~~LUKE 24:36-39

As it is written, Jesus did not deny the existence of ghosts. In fact he confirmed their existence to us as well as stating what form they take: "a ghost does not have flesh and bones". This is spoken directly out of the mouth of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Before today, I would be so fearful that other's would just think I'm not in my right mind if I described all of this. Today it is easier for me to accept another's opinion about what has happened to me and let it go. We all have our own walk in life and what one person experiences doesn't necessarily have to be the experiences of another. First, a person cannot physically see PTSD and unless one is versed in FAS they cannot see that condition either. Both are very real conditions. Unless one experiences the affects that these two conditions have on an individual people tend to be judgmental about the individual who has these two conditions.

This is also the case of experiencing the paranormal. If an individual hasn't experienced a haunting they will tend not to understand it, call it the occult, or view it as strictly evil. A human haunt is not the occult nor is it necessarily evil in nature. Only God knows the reasons behind why an intelligent human haunt would manifest. Who knows maybe it's the 'purgatory' that is described in the Roman Catholic Church. Maybe it it is a parallel plane to what we understand to be life on Earth today. Maybe too, an individual in energy form does get stuck on this level because of something they didn't finish, a person who is devastated by their passing, leaving loved ones behind, or, many other reasons that could be the case. The point is that it is out there. It is real. Human haunts are scary because of different levels of understanding and experiences. Sometimes the fear of the unknown is enough to create fear in an individual. I grew up Catholic and I experienced those energies at a young age. No matter what the case is if one really hasn't experienced a haunting then there is no way I'd expect that individual to understand it and accept it as probable truth.

There is a difference with experiencing the basic human haunt and a demonic haunt as well. A person who has experienced a human haunt might not see the reason the person that has experienced the demonic is so much more frightened and traumatized by it. As unbelievable as it may seem, I experienced both levels of hauntings. The basic human haunt and the demonic or negative. I'm sensitive to the energies. I will go into things further with this in a different chapter.

As for intentions, most individuals who speak on it will have very good intentions, it's just they cannot comprehend the magnitude of what hauntings do. Hauntings are not one size fits all either. One very may view my experiences as mundane. What I experienced, although involves objects sliding off shelves and bureaus, it does not include the fantastical version of a poltergeist that is throwing objects around the room or moving furniture. One might even dismiss my case because of the PTSD and the FAS. I, myself, have to weed through the web of trauma and dysfunction of the brain in my case and rule out what could be explained and what is not so easily explainable.

The psychic medium, psychic knower, physical medium, empathic medium, etc. I would expect to understand. I want to add a special note here because I can see spirit. I've done it all my life and this very well could be because I was two months premature and I was born when my mother's placenta separated from her uterus. They almost lost both of us. The groups of persons that I listed has probably without a doubt in my mind experienced it all as they are the ones who can see, feel, hear beyond the veil that shields us from that other realm. So to get a reputable psychic medium to give advice I'd expect to them to understand it all. They are the exception, beyond that of the experienced investigators, demonologist, and spiritual leaders, that I would count worthy of understanding it fully. Even they consider an individual's account with skepticism. There is no way to find fault in this way of working. Their job is to weed out fact from fiction to know how to study and help the individual(s).

I saw one episode on the Demon Files where Ralph Sarchie, the demonologist, walked out. Why? Well, basically because if a person doesn't stop the use and practices of certain things that keep feeding the haunt or demon, then the exorcism definitely will not work and it's possible that the demon would come back seven times worse and Mr. Sarchie doesn't want to be in that situation where he knowingly put the family at risk. The other reason is that the family was not truthful with him. It's like me going to the doctor and demanding hormone replacement therapy to fix some of the problems I do have. It would fix many of them. My doctor cannot consciously give me this medication because it has a high rate of causing blood clots in those who smoke. I've already had superficial thrombophlebitis. The doctor absolutely can not and should not prescribe those pills with that risk. So too was this man's reasoning with the haunting. He is the 'doctor' so to speak prescribing a certain script to heal what ails the individual or family. Again, just because one has an exorcism doesn't mean it's going to rid the person(s) of the attachment or demon. Sometimes one needs many exorcism's to get rid of it. Even then there isn't the guarantee that it will work. A person might be stuck for life in this situation much like a diabetic is with their disease.

I am going to add personal note to this. This is what I am saying and my beliefs only to the man who almost lost his child in that episode. I, myself, was pregnant and lost the baby. I was home alone when the miscarriage occurred and it was physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually draining. I pleaded and bartered with GOD. NOT ONCE DID I SELL MY SOLE TO THE DEVIL. I GAVE INTO THE WILL OF GOD. Do I think GOD caused the miscarriage or do I blame him for not stopping it? NO I DO NOT! So to go onto national television and say the word ANYONE to describe a life and death situation with a child is a bold statement. I would do anything EXCEPT for selling my sole to the devil for my child. ANYTHING. I allowed myself to be insulted by this man's comment because I am "anyone" and I would not do that! I took it as a spiritual insult on my faith in GOD. People do not understand how powerful the words they use really are. I would also suggest to this man, if he has faith in God, as he believes in the Devil obviously, to read the Book of JOB in the Holy Bible: Read it, study it, and know what it says backwards and forwards.

To spiritually fight what is unseen, FAITH is a key component and the desire to change without going to psychic readings, doing EVP work, pentagrams, etc.. There is a reason exorcisms are performed. It's for the truly repentant at heart. To be sorry for the actions is one action that needs to be in place, however, there are many more key players in that. I threw out all my books about wicca, tarot carts, numerology, and anything that could pull in spirit. Why? Because, for me and for me only, I don't want to chance tempting the Lord my God and placing an insult to him knowingly in a direct manner. Am I saying that is what is going on with all these belief systems? Hardly, I have no clue, and there is such a fine line, I, myself, do not want to cross it and I don't want to chance it. Yes, I've had many dreams with the separation of people's either going to hell or going to heaven, and in between. I've struggled with those messages completely. I don't ever want to be separated from GOD. I do not want others to be separated either.

When a person lies about their actions to another, the person is only lying to them self. The individual in the episode of The Demon Files denied any involvement in the tarot readings. That said to me as well, she isn't being truthful or taking seriously the possible things that can be placing her at risk in the first place. The temptation is even greater to fall back into that when there is a denial going on. I have to say I was really moved, but also, taken aback by the way they were genuinely upset that they couldn't have the help.

I very rarely become judgmental with individuals on television shows. To be fair there is a weeks worth of filming, as many of these shows names have stated, and they cut out much of the film to make the show a half an hour to an hour long. That isn't a lot of time to show exactly what goes on. Maybe this is the case with this show as well. I just got offended like I said. In fact, I lost two children. One when I was 21 right after my grandmother's transition and the other the year before my living daughter was conceived. Both of these losses devastated me and affected me for life. I have been blessed with a gift from God the year after losing the child in 2007 in May. Again, I lost my other child, at the end of May as well which so happens to also be my birthday. This is why I was offended by his comment. I allowed the offense.

We are all energy in motion. We absorb energies from every living thing on the planet. It is one reason why pet therapy works so well. An hypothesis could be drawn that this could very well be a possibility why it's so much easier for a spirit to share their energies with us as they are an individual transformed energy. I always likened the human to an ice cube. Not because the individual is cold but rather because the ice cube is it's solid form. The ice cube is formed from water it's liquid form, and still when liquid is heated it evaporates into steam. So too is our spirit one form, if it's made into another form we become a living being where we can touch one another and too when death comes we "evaporate" so to speak into a different form of energy. It by all means isn't the best explanation however it's a way, in my mind, I can understand it.

Understanding it as a Christian being bible based, when a person passes two things take place. To understand this we need to go back to the book of Genesis when the creation of man was taking place. God formed man from the dust of the earth. It wasn't until God breathed HIS breath into the nostrils of man thus making that man a living soul named Adam. Eve was formed out of the rib of man in a similar fashion. Then Adam and Eve had a son: A baby boy. Now, we have a living being that was created from body to body. Thus, as we are learning through genetics, the father passed on his image and likeness to his son and the mother passed on her image and likeness to her son. This includes, still, a body and the breath of God. Thus, through the generations, up through all the ages the image and likeness of GOD and the Breath of GOD have been handed to each person. When we pass where does the body that is formed go and where does the breath of God go? In it's simplest form we can conclude that the body returns to the dust as it was formed from the dust of the earth and the breath of God returns to God.

I make a point here. We are all interconnected through that single breath of God. In essence what we do to one we do to all and to ourselves through that breath. That single beautiful breath of the spirit of God. I need to ask the question why, then, does a human spirit become earth bound? Well, on earth who is without blame or sin? What exactly is a sin? It breaks my heart that this word has been taken out of context and used to humiliate and push people away from God all these years. What we are taught by others is to be judgmental and harsh when a person sins. However, in the Catholic faith there is a stipulation that is often overlooked. We are NOT to use another persons apparent sin to make them feel less than a human being: a person still who still has handed down to them through the ages the breath of GOD.

Sin separates us from God. The breath of God cannot go back to God in an impure form. It just cannot happen. God is pure. What we think, say, and do, even the most seemingly smallest way affects the spirit within us. The energies we collect throughout our life-time, the impure have to be purged from that spirit before it can return to God. Every single thing that is mentioned as sin in the bible affects our energies and needs to be cleansed. It's not bad; it is not good. It is just the way it is. Judgment is not a good thing to place onto a human being. Like I said, what we do to one we are doing to God and to ourselves through that breath. We place blame on another individual our head is shamed as well. Why? "Blame" is used for one thing; to make another person feel badly and feel less than human.

So spirit can move easier because of their energy form through solid forms such as ice and water. Anyhow, so it's easier for us to take on their personality and anger, happiness, extreme sadness, depression, confusion, jealousy, etc. With negative haunts it's every thing that would make the human feel down.

The first part of this would be discussing how my grandfather passed in the house and he was still there. He was not such a pleasant person in life. I found out recently that my bedroom used to be grandma and grandpa's room when my mom and her sisters were growing up. If grandpa was still there it probably makes sense if that was his room that he wouldn't approve of me being in there. I have been told that he would verbally abuse his children and wife. He was an alcoholic as well. The atypical alcoholic is not nice at all. So that negative energy in the room that I slept in made it uncomfortable to be in. When I was little, I was told that I was a rotten child. I grew up basically only taking advice from my grandmother because on top of this I was a very sensitive child. I would always cry at the drop of a hat. To this day I'm still that sensitive and I know that isn't going to change.

At around the age of five, the first memory I have of dreaming a dream that would become a common theme in my life. I dreamed of this man named "Valadore". In my dream there was another man that I would visit in life. I sat with him and drank coke and watched television with him. I sat there keeping him company. Valadore and Mon Uncle were talking like they were old friends. I spoke to grandma the next day asking her who Valadore was. She gave me a strange look asking how I knew him. She told me he was a distant relative but he had passed away. Not long after, that very same day, Mon Uncle passed away. Since then I've had those kinds of dreams where a living relative and a dead relative have been together and I dreamed of them. The next day the living relative would pass away. As an adult I have reasoned out with myself that if the dead can help the transition phase of someone passing, then, maybe a living person in their dream state can help that passing as well to ease the transition of passing itself for the person who is transitioning. As a child, I thought I was killing these people. I had no one except my grandmother to discuss it with. She was a devout Catholic but she never dismissed my visions and dreams. She came to think of me as an angel sent to her from GOD is what she used to say. Maybe, just thinking of my daughter and how I feel about her, that is what Grandma was referring to. However, that conversation took place when I was telling her of another dream I had had in college.

I went to college, in 1987. The thing is that I was on a work study at the time I was there in the summer before the semester. I worked in the library at the time and my friend and I heard of a suicide that happened in the same dorm building as we were. We did some studying on it and it came out that that was true. So there is a paranormal part of this building and yet again I'm in a place where a haunt is said to be. One night I had a dream that I was in the library looking for the microfilm that had the news article of the death of the girl on it. My grandfather came down through the ceiling and said to me, "Do you know you are hurting Lisa and :::Someone else:::?" I couldn't remember the name. The dream disturbed me to the core. I called grandma from work the next day. I asked her if Lisa was OK because I knew she was pregnant at the time. Grandma told me that Lisa was OK but Sandy (her niece) had her baby it was breach and they almost lost both of them.

There are more dreams. I dreamed one day of another dead relative and a brother of my grandmother's that was living. With this one though the next day didn't bring the news I came to expect. I was almost second guessing myself of what I've come to know of this when we got news at the end of the week that her brother died. He passed alone in his apartment a week earlier on that night I had the dream. They didn't find his body until the end of the week.

On top of those dreams as a child came the 'demon' dreams. I term them the demon dreams because that is what they were. A ghost in the house or something that was very negative that scared me to death. The 'thing' always resided in the closet in a corner of my room. When I was awake I was terrified of that closet. I've dreamed about that closet all the way up to a few years back when I actually took it upon myself to get the help I needed with the Church. That thing hid there. Like he was stalking. Waiting for something. I would go to bed at night scared every night. So scared I ended up in my grandmother's bed almost nightly. That thing was waiting for me. I had nightmares of going to hell. I had nightmares of being possessed, being held down, being hurt. It wasn't good. I would eventually come to know the "Our Father", "Hail Mary", and other prayers that I would use in my dreams for a defense against being possessed, or in a haunted building, or back at the house I grew up. Always ghosts in all the dreams. Always demonic possession. I came to a point where I would command them out in the name of Jesus Christ! I was met with laughter many times doing that. One day I threw all my cigarettes away when I was in tears. I hated being addicted to them so I literally tore up a pack and threw them away. That night I dreamed of me doing that and the demon laughing at me.

One time when I was older and staying over a friend's house after a bunch of us were partying, I fell asleep on the couch. A friend was on the other couch on the opposite wall. I fell asleep and had a lucid dream. In my dream I heard my name being called in a whisper, "Marie, Marie...." I couldn't move in the dream I was froze on the couch being held down. I looked over at what was calling to me. That thing had taken on the form of my brother was crouched at the head of the couch were Pete was on all fours. I knew it was the thing because his eyes were glowing red and his arms were a little longer than a humans. I whispered "Pete wake up! Pete wake up!" We both woke up at that point and looked at one another. I wasn't frozen to the couch and that thing was gone. Pete had a similar nightmare at the same time I did.

I think it was at this point I learned that whatever was attached to me was a shape shifter. He took on many forms. The worst and one most often he took on was that of a tall man in a top hat. He wore a long black coat as well. I've seen this man in my dreams many times. In my waking state I've seen him twice. I tried to describe him to my grandmother only to be met with, "Oh that is just Edgar" he died years ago you don't have to worry about him. However, talking to those who knew Edgar when he was alive the description did not match at all.

One night, I was in my teens and I was dreaming about this man. In the dream he was stalking me in the woods and I knew his intent was to rape me. I remember I was in the woods around the home and then walking down the dirt road to my aunts house. I had to start running because this man was following me and I was alone. I woke up opening my eyes to come face to face with the man. His face was inches from mine. He wore that top hat but now I could see the face features. He had white hair, age spots all over his face, and wore a hideous grin. I closed my eyes tightly back up and screamed at the top of my lungs and everyone ran into my room. Faced with many questions and when my mother ever positioned her face like he had his I cried telling her not to do that!

I remember that like it was yesterday. I will continue this at a later date as it is getting late.

Thank you for reading!
God Bless You
Good Night

Marie A. DiMauro

(the pictures of the current house at the top were taking from the net)	(the pictures from inside the house to the left were taken from the net)
.Grandma's bedroom when I was growing up (this was taken from the net)	The bathroom (this was taken from the net)

The lake in the picture is Crystal Lake in Ellington, Connecticut. (googlemaps)	Here is another view of the topography of the land. You can see the hills nicely. The hill the home is located on is called Soapstone Mountain. (googlemaps)
(image search on net of Ct towns maps)	(image search off the net of Ct Native American territories maps)

Why Paranormal Interests Me

Part 1:

Introduction

In The Early Years: A brief biography of my early childhood

My Position on Ghost Hunting and Investigating

Loss of Self-Esteem:

Turbulence

The Second Separation

Part 2

Part 2 I'm going to begin with the images of the house and some pictures of me in it. I will start with the ending so I can iterate where my head and emotions are today. The fear was growing up. First though before I speak I want to share the images of the home.

Marie A. DiMauro

Part 3

The Land

Part 4

Prophetic Dreams

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