These Entries Have No Dates

Surround Sound
Surround sound is a wonderful thing. It causes different parts of the music to come from different places in the room at the same time, rather than from one place. It makes music that much more tangible.

Pain
Whether it's the small things or much larger things, the point isn't who's pain is worse; the point is it's pain.

Dreams
When David Usher was at the Avalon Mall for the Juno signings, Jennifer and I waited in line for 4 1/2 hours to meet him. It has always been one of my dreams to meet him. We were in the front row of the line for a half hour. Just as we were next, it was time for him to leave. We never did get to meet him. Even so, that experience changed my life. It made me realize that dreams really are possible.

No Real Talent
It occurred to me that I'm not really good at anything. Let's look at the facts:

I've only actually drawn one good picture in my life...and that one took hours that were the equivalent of several days. I also draw doodles - which are just that - funny little scribbles and lines. It's not really drawing. I just don't have a talent for drawing. However, like all things, that doesn't stop me from doing it.

Another point...
I suffer from writer's block greatly. I can barely write stories unless the moment takes me. I've only ever written one story in my spare time...so you can see how often the moment takes me. I don't have a talent for writing poems. But again, that doesn't stop me from doing it. The fact still remains however...I'm not particularly good at it.

Even though I do it in the street, in the halls at school, sometimes even in class, I can't sing. End of story. I'm not any good at playing musical instruments either.

Technology tends to hate me.

I'm not particularly good at any one subject in school either.

So....I wondered...since everyone is really good when it comes to at least one thing....what am I good at?
I couldn't think of anything.

Then a friend of mine (thanks Joey :D) reminded me of what I'm good at.

It's been pointed out to me that I'm freakishly good at reading people. Which is true. I've predicted things long before they happen and been right. I'm just good at understanding the actions and feelings of those around me...even if they do think I'm clueless and incapable of understanding situations. Little do these people know that I knew what was going to happen long before they did. I've noticed though...sometimes this can be a lonely talent because you understand something the other person doesn't. You try to explain it to them...but they don't understand you. Also, you don't always want to believe what you know is true...and even though you know it's going to happen...it still shocks you when it does. The knowing beforehand and then watching it unfold just makes the feeling worse. For example, I had a boyfriend that I loved with everything I am, but after a month of going out with him, it felt like he was already gone. It was then I knew he was going to leave me. Too bad he never knew what it meant to love me. While we continued to go out for a total of three months, after that one month....I never felt so alone before. But I don't regret it. Not in the slightest. I wouldn't trade my time with him for anything...even though now we're friends he hurts me sometimes. Even though others may not see it, I maintain that he truely is nothing but a good person and a good friend. Everyone makes a scatter mistake.

Another talent that's been pointed out to me (thanks again Joey :D) is that I'm good at "matching things". My friend pointed out to me that I have a talent for matching colours and patterns. So I guess that means my interest in interior decorating might come in handy afterall.

As it turns out, I discovered I do have talents... sometimes it just takes a good friend to point them out.

Childish
It's now 10:17 pm. I'm lying in bed when I have an epiphany so I had to write it all down immediately before I forgot. Ok, so here goes...

I think I've always had a life. I think I still have a life. I may not have big plans, go a lot of places, or do extraordinary/extravagant/wreckless things, but I can take the simplest and plainest things and make fun. And I can get so much enjoyment out of it. And it got me to thinking...isn't that what living is? Then it made me think about how some people don't get the same enjoyment out of things, and that made me think some more. (As I've said before, I think too much.)
   People have said that I don't have a free spirit because I'm not the type of person to do things for the fun of it. But to them, doing things for the fun of it means it has to be big plans, extravagent, or flamboyant in some way. But it doesn't. Doing things for the fun of it means doing what's in your heart for no other reason then that. I'm insecure about some things (which comes from bad experiences), but for the most part, I'm a secure person. I don't feel like I need to be something. I'm not afraid of what others will think of me. Some people just don't know how to let go and be themselves regardless of who is watching and how childish or stupid it may seem. They're caught up in the image and that's what keeps them caged.
   Every so often people stop and say that when they think about it, they're so old. It's because somewhere along the way they let themselves become old. They lost sight of what it meant to enjoy things just because. And now, sometimes they try too hard to be a kid. All you have to do to be free is to be yourself. I often say, I am who I am and that's all there is to it. No more, and no less than myself.
And you know what? That's good enough for me.