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8-13-02
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell
phone and in a worried voice says, "Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
Herman says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
-Weak
8-13-02
Wise man once say:
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel thingyy all day.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man�s well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
-Weak
7-15-02
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to
express how stupid they really are and here's how...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, bot leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
He has less going on upstairs than a one story house.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.
A few bricks shy of a full load.
-
7-15-02
Everybody loves a good Bill Clinton joke every now and then right?
When Bill and Hillary got married, Bill had a box that he put under their bed.
He told Hillary never to open that box, no matter what happened.
Several years later, when Hillary was cleaning in the Clinton bedroom, she came
across the box. Curiosity got the better of her, so she decided to open the
box. What she found inside was two empty beer cans, and approximately $4,196.52 in cash.
At dinner that evening, she had to ask Bill what was up with the box, so she
did. Bill put down his fork, looked at her and said the following:
"The beer cans are for every time I cheated on you. The money is for every time
the box got full of beer cans and I had to go recycle them and get some cash."
-DarkOmen
7-15-02
This guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and orders a drink.
Everybody else in the bar is interested because some guy just walked in with a
parrot on his shoulder. So they walk, stagger, or crawl (depending on how
permafried they are) over to him and begin asking questions such as: "Does it do any tricks?"
Well, the guy goes "yeah it does tricks. His name is Chet, and he sings songs."
They were all like "no way."
So, the guy pulls a book of matches from his pocket, removes one match, lights
it, and sticks it between the toes of the birds' right foot. The bird started singing 'Jingle Bells'.
Everybody clapped and were like "can he do anything else?"
He took another match, lit it, and stuck it between the toes of the birds' left
foot. It began to sing 'Deck the Halls.'
The people asked if it could do anything else, so the man lit another match and
stuck it between the birds' legs. The bird began to sing "Chet's nuts roasting, on an open fire."
-DarkOmen
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