I receive a great deal of criticisms in my line of work. People claim it is too easy, that I have no right to complain about work, ever! So this article is dedicated to those who know the bittersweet lifestyle that I have lived for the past year; this is to the few, the proud; this is for the librarians.

Sure, there's no heavy lifting, very little stress and the hours are very accommodating. But problems can still arise. Like when I have to go to work and I'd rather go outside and play. Or there was that time when Angela Lansbury got stuck in the book return chute.

But the real difficulty of being the employee of a public service organization is dealing with the public. Ah yes, the droves of people who have paid their taxes and believe they are entitled to anything and everything that should happen to pop into their head. "I pay my taxes! I command you to dance for me now! I pay my taxes I want a car!" And so forth.

One would think that only educated, upper crust individuals would frequent a library, but that thought is banished the moment a book is returned covered with a surprisingly thick layer of greasy dust. GREASY DUST!!! "What da EFF could have caused this most disgusting phenomenon?" a librarian might declare.

One thing that became very obvious to me during the first weeks of working at the city library is that old ladies like to read about sex. They tend to borrow books with especially lewd titles and covers. One particular volume comes to mind, a bright pink book entitled "Hot Sex!" which is incredibly popular. Guys might wonder, what's the use of pornography if there are no pictures?

But what's most troubling, is when people have a list of books with such titles, "Sexy Sara Sexington's Sexy Sexcapades in Sexy Sex City", "Lewd and Sexy", and "How to Pleasure Your Man� Sexually!" the people borrowing the books are particularly edgy and tend to glower at you as if to say, "You didn't see nuthin kid!!!" And if a man borrows such a book he will always, and I mean always claim, "It's for my wife!" To which I would reply, "Whatever Guy! What you do in the privacy of your own home is none of my business!"

But the worst, is people who refuse to pay their fines. Imagine spending 5 minutes discussing why some jerk shouldn't have to pay 0.10$ for their late book.

Some Jerk:"I never return my books late! I am godlike in my book returning skills! I demand to speak to someone in charge!"

Librarian: "But its only ten cents!"

Some Jerk: "I don't care, it's the principle of the thing! I always bring back all my books at the same time and my kids and blablablablabla!!!!!!!"

Librarian: "Yo Dawg! How about I give you ten cents for your fine, and another dollar for you to shut the EFF up!!!"

Some Jerk: "It's a deal!!! I'm poor!"

Of course this scenario rarely unfolds. Usually the computer holds records of what the person has borrowed and when they have returned it. So when someone starts up, a librarian can respond by saying, "Well according to this you borrowed "SkankVille" in July and returned it in December. And you kept Velvet Jones' "I wanna be a Ho" for over 7 months!"

If the person is alone, normally they will pay the fine without any further discussion. However, if the person is fortunate enough to have children within arms reach they will start blaming them. "Well, you know my kids� I have to go to work, then come back and feed them� and you know, they're so stupid!!! (to the children) How come you didn't remember OUR fines!!! No Harvard for you guys!!!"

So, its not a bad job, but not always easy. But who would believe me anyway? So I'll just grin and bear it until the day where my books (Journey to the Center of MastaCSG, The Joys of Cooking MastaCSG, How to Make Love to MastaCSG and Happiness is a Naked MastaCSG) are on the library shelves and I'll be rich enough to live on a hill so high I will be able to take a leak on Spielberg's house!