Welcome to the summer of rehashed ideas for movies! �What the hell is MastaCSG talking about now?� You may be asking. Well, think about any movies you will be seeing in the next few months. All of them are based on something else which has already proven to be successful. The blockbuster smash Spider-Man is based on a popular comic book. I probably don�t have to mention the countless sequels being released this summer. But I will: Star Wars: Episode II, Austin Powers III, Men in Black II. Later in the year there will be sequels to Star Trek, James Bond, Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter!!

So what da Dealio? Isn�t there a single writer out there with an idea that is at least, semi-original? The movies which I found most original last year (Osmosis Jones, Final Fantasy) all did very badly.

For years I�ve wondered, what the formula was for creating successful movies. I came up with the following list.

1) Don�t do anything original! Just take an old idea and make it cheesy. Take Planet of the Apes for example. A huge success back in the day remade with some terrible lines.

2) Youth is good! The more young people having sex, the better chance a movie has of being successful. I don�t think I have to name the reams and reams of teen movies that have been released since the first American Pie.

3) It never hurts to portray an animal being injured or defiled in some way. For those of you who have seen Me, Myself and Irene, you certainly remember the scene where the chicken was shoved up the guy�s butt? Or in the movie Kingpin where the bull is �milked�.

Just take old plots and put some cheesy teen actors in it. And for a guaranteed hit, add 5 parts raunchy humour, 3 parts obscene vulgarity then rastify by 20%. You get visionary films such as National Lampoon�s Van Wilder, Not Another Teen Movie or Scary Movie.

Now you know MastaCSG has got to get some of that bank! So I�m putting together an interesting remake of Shakespeare�s Othello starring DMX as Othello and Britney Spears as Desdemona. Here�s my favourite scene involving the sodomizing of an emu.

-Desdemona: My love, why hast thou sodomized this noble beast?
-Othello: I had a bet goin� on with my homeys that I didn�t have the balls to sodomize this emu. Well, you know I ain�t goin down like that, so I sodomized that emu, then bust some caps in all the playa haters who said I couldn�t do it!� Ummm� I mean� hast couldn�t do it� Whateva, you know what I�m talkin� about, ho!
-Desdemona: If thou doesn�t learn to keep thine gat sheathed�. You ain�t getting� none of this!!! (gesturing to herself in a lewd manner)

An extended musical number ensues. Now I know we�ve got your money, but is the rest of the world ready for Othello: The Gangsta Rapper of Venice? The soundtrack would include titles such as:
-You Ain�t Gettin� None of This! - Britney Spears, Lil� Kim
-I Wonder if Venice Has Got a Ghetto - Tupac Shaqur
-Othell to the Izzo - Jay-Z
-Great in the Sack (You is gettin� some of this!) - Lil Kim
-Unsheath Your Gat - 98 degrees
-The Thong Song - Sisqo
-Hamlet Vs. Othello (the Breakdance Competition) - Ludacris
-Area Code - Ludacris
And many more!!!