He had come to the library where I work to study. I assume he had final exams. The man must have been about 21-25 years of age. He didn�t seem to have any mental disabilities. Next thing you know, he comes up to the desk and asks me, "How do I get out of here?"

"You use the same doors that you used to come in sir," I answered as politely as possible. Sadly enough, this didn�t seem to solve the man�s problem, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"You see MastaCSG, that�s the problem� I don�t know how to use the door!!! I stood there for a while but it wouldn�t open. I even looked for a button to press and�"

"Did you try yelling at it?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Did you try pleading with it?"

"Yes."

"Guy� Did you try� I don�t know� Pushing it open!?!?"

And then the man became frustrated, "Now that�s just ridiculous! I�m not going to waste my time trying that!!! Pushing doors open� What is this? Star Trek?"

And so the man stayed in the library. Weeping bitterly, grazing off of the carpet for sustenance like a cow. At night he would burn books for warmth. One time he even tried digging his way out of the library with long nails. He would use his beard, which had grown enormous, as a blanket. Every now and then you could hear him wailing, �I�m going to be late for my exam!!� But eventually he died, never figuring out how to use the old-school, push open doors. His starved corpse was found in the kid�s section with pieces of carpet in his gaping mouth.

So every Sunday, the library staff has a hard drink, and lets some of it spill to the ground in honor of our dead homie. Rest in peace guy�

Some of the events alluded to above may not have happened.