It was a typical Sunday night. I had a bit of homework to do and I promised myself I would only watch The Simpsons. But subconsciously I know I always end up watching Malcolm in the Middle afterward. I was watching these shows on Global TV. Global's a special station in that, when they don't have any regular scheduled program, they pull something out of the archives. Reruns of some show you normally wouldn't watch.

So Malcolm in the Middle ends, one thing leads to another and I find myself watching Just Shoot Me. I almost never watch Just Shoot Me. Nevertheless, I thanked myself when it was all over because I got to see George Lucas punch David Spade in the face.

The evening didn't end there. I watched the opening scene of Friends. I know what you're thinking. "Friends? On a Sunday?" Oops! That's the beauty of Global. But I sure as hell wasn't going to watch Friends when I had homework to do.

Or was I?

I noticed Julia Roberts was a guest star. Then I saw Jean Claude Van Damme's name flash across the screen. His movies are generally terrible. But by the time the names of guest stars had been flashed, I saw myself watching Brooke Shields talking to Joey.

Mmm... Where else could I see a pair... No wait... A trio of celebrities I really don't care about? It couldn't hurt to watch the first act. It was possible that I had already seen this episode before, but I couldn't be sure without watching a little more. I noticed Dan Castellaneta revealing major plot points midway through the show. Something about Ross' monkey starring in a beer commercial. I don't remember ever seeing that.

An hour later I realized, Friends is not a funny show. I hate all six of those people. Especially Ross, but especially Phoebe! I also realized that over the holidays I barely watched any television. You see, from the Zellers commercials that portray a Utopian work environment where Blacks, Whites, Asians and even the British can work together in harmony to commercials where young children are making a mess with food, to bad episodes of According to Jim, television sucks. It really does. Television is a rancid, festering landfill of ideas and I'm but a wretched raccoon pawing through its reeking contents. The smell of it is so foul I can taste it and every time I do I feel as if I've been somehow infected by it!

You know why I didn't watch televsion over the break? Because I didn't have any homework over the break. I'll do anything to avoid doing homework even watch hours of television. Homework is a morose graveyard of pointless exercises and I'm a pathetic zombie forced to skulk about its tombstones. The worst part is, even after the trash I've just finished watching I still had a full hour to do homework before I had to turn in and get some sleep. But you know what? I decided to write this article instead.

Itoop.org is a barren wasteland of opinions that don't matter, and I'm some form of carrion bird trying to find sustenance in its desolate expanses. And this article is filthy septic tank of badly written... Ah, forget it... It's gonna be a long semester.