It's recently occurred to me that I don't have any real hobbies. Sure, I find ways to pass my time, like cleaning my navel, however I feel unsatisfied with these activities. I am searching for something that will consume my free time, that I will pass my every minute thinking about. Yet, the conventional hobbies such as stamp-collecting hold no great attraction for me. (Plus, stamp-collecting is kind of nerdy - don't get me started on my uncle). It seems like I need to look further out for a hobby that will truly grab my attention while being loosely based on time-honoured hobbies. So here it is, Glen's Super-Duper-Hobby-List-2-da-Extreme!!!

1)Girl-Watching - buy a pair of binoculars, find a good place to sit and enjoy the beauty of the large-breasted-small-shirt bird. A very fine specimen, however, the male suitors tend to be jealous and over-agressive.... that restraining order was really uncalled for.

2)Button-collecting - this isn't your grandmother's hobby, try collecting these buttons while still attached to someone's clothing. Extra points awarded for the buttons off of professors' pants and the bus drivers' shirts.

3)Hobo-farm - this requires a little bit of money, but it's fun. Pay off a couple of bums, build a giant sandbox and watch as the hobos work together to create a society. Try keeping them on their toes by infecting one of them with an infectious deadly virus. Disposing of the bodies is a nuisance, but otherwise an enjoyable experience for all - but especially you. (Note: betting on who survives the longest is a great party game).

4)Lego-collecting - alright, this is really for the good Dr.'s sake. Of course it's cool.

5)Run for mayor - ok, so I stole this one from McGill's favourite engineer, but it's a good one. Make insane campaign promises like legalizing sodomy or a personal butler for anyone who votes for you. To be even more extreme, if you win actually fulfill your promises!

6)Writing - write witty articles for a widely-read, cutting-edge web site. If that doesn't pan out, write for Itoop (or as I likes to call it "I-poop" - oh, so witty!).

7)Truth-telling - while in the conventional sense, this is neither extreme nor a hobby, it can truly be a lark if properly done. Offer your actual opinion when asked (or even when you're not asked). However, hours can be wasted trying to explain to your best friend why you think his girlfriend's a ho or why you thought it was appropriate to tell your CEGEP physics teachers that he smells (take that Fouad!).

8)Dioramas - during this Holiday season, nativity scenes in the front lawns are not unusual. To spice it up a little, each day create a diorama from a scene from A Clockwork Orange. I suggest the scene of the murder with the giant penis sculpture.

9)Acting - Pretend to be a Klondike era prospector and maintain it for at least a week. For those less mild of heart, become Antonio Banderas and try to seduce every woman in sight with lines like, "I know what you are thinking - how can he fit such a large man-package in such tight pants?".

10)ChuChu Rocket - a classic game played by young and old alike. Best of all, you never lose.

Well, these are all I can think of for now. While I don't suggest you try them all at once, every so often, try to spice up your life with one. Beware however that like any hobby, these too can become an obsession and, believe me, trying to explain 8 dead hobos and a box full of buttons while playing ChuChu Rocket to the police is not easy.