Homer Simpson once said that to get rich quick, all one has to do is slap a clock on an existing product. Nowadays, just replace "clock" with "millenium", and you've got it made. During a normal day of television viewing, is has become quite apparent that almost every company has jumped on board the Y2K-bandwagon. They could slap the word "millenium" on anything and it will sell. I saw an ad for special loans due to the year 2000. What do loans have to do with the millenium? It doesn't matter! Kentucky Fried Chicken could very well have a new product as nasty sounding as "chocolate covered chicken" and people would still buy it, if were renamed "Y2KFC Cocoa Drumsticks". Why all the millennial importance? It is not due to some superstition on the part of CEO's everywhere, but rather the fact that they want to seize any opportunity to reach into the unwitting public's pockets and see it they can't loose a few bucks.

We keep hearing that some event or other was the "last of the millenium". During the recent World Series, the announcers claimed that the Yankees won the last Championship of the millenium. This is simply not true. As there was no year zero in the calendar upon which all this hoopla is based, the first millenium started with the year "1". That would make the year 1000 the last year of the first millenium. Extrapolated to today, the year 1001 was the first year of the second millenium and 2000 the last year. Not 1999! I cannot stress this enough, people. The millenium, century and decade end with 2000 and start anew with 2001. So why propagate ignorance in such a callous fashion? The answer lies in my wallet and yours.

By promoting their products this year as "millennial specials", the big corporations are getting a head start on a once-in-a-thousand-years profits. But you may say, "it wouldn't make a different if they celebrate the turn of the thousand year in 1999 or 2000". Aha! That's where you're wrong! My theory is that sometime in the middle of the year 2000, there will be a major public relations blitz convincing us that there was a big mistake and the millenium was celebrated early. Therefore, everything will be re-hyped and re-packaged for the "real new millenium", and the public, being the money burning sheep that we are, will be all too compliant and again hand over our money for the genuine merchandise, instead of that fake millenium we celebrated last year. Brilliant, is it not? There are resistors to the fake celebrations, however.

If you have ever cracked open the entertainment section of the Montreal Gazette in recent years, you have undoubtedly come upon Doug Camilli's article. He the guy who has the back of his head as his picture. Yeah, you know who he is. He is likewise fed up with all the Y2K brouhaha. If you check his column now, under his name in bold characters is written "Guaranteed Millenium-Free". If only others saw the light... Jerry Seinfeld is also a proponent of the real millenium change. In an episode of his sitcom "Seinfeld" (if you didn't know the name of the show, where have you been for the past thousand years?), he chides neighbour Newman for planning a millenium bash on New Year's Eve 1999. It can be seen that there are some people out there that are doing the right thing, but how can you help?

The first thing you can do is refuse to buy anything with the words "millenium" or "Y2K" on it, unless it is integral to saving your computer from crashing. Secondly, make fun of all those who insist to celebrate the end of the millenium this year. Call them names, some harsh. Make fun of their mothers for no apparent reason. Question the validity of the entire calendar system. Start your own calendar. The point is not to get suckered in. Follow my advice and you'll be safe and your money will remain in your pocket.