On a lazy weekend afternoon, what's on tv? All together now, the correct answer is 'Infomercials'. Also acceptable is '5-pin bowling on CBC'. But let's discuss infomercials, shall we? I always enjoy a good infomercial. Notice how I wrote 'good'. I hate the ones where they have some fake-oids feigning shock admiration at some super-duper, insanely flabbergasting items that not only cleans the walls, but can also cut through a shoe. Yeah, when I want to cut through shoes, I'll be the first one on the line, but that's not likely to happen anytime soon.

No, the infomercials I'm talking about are the ones where they're selling some entertainment-related product. A few years back, I'd always watch the ones where they sell CDs for classic 50s and 60s rock. I am now a certified musicologist of that era. But recently, there is a new king in the land of Infomercial. It's name, you ask with bated breath? The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast.

I love watching those infomercials. You see all these former stars, in their old age, in the 70s. By then, they were already has-beens, so to get some fleeting attention, they pat themselves on the back by honouring each other. There's something great about that. I love watching Dean Martin and his mafia friends smoke cigars, drink martinis and put each other down. Did you see the one from the mid-70s, where Billy Crystal roasts Muhammad Ali by doing a spot-on impression of him? Now that's great television if I ever saw it. The only thing I don't like about this particular infomercial is that they have a counter on-screen and the voice-over guy says, "If you order within the next 10 minuted...blah blah blah..." I mean, how the eff do they know if I call within the next 10 minutes? What a marketing ploy. Ah, what am I saying? I could never bad-mouth the Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.

So on the next lazy weekend afternoon (Mmmm...so lazy...), I encourage one and all to watch my favourite infomercial. I know you'll enjoy it. Dean, Frank, Sammy, Don and Lucy are waiting for you.