There. I said it. Halo sucks donkey dick. The game has successfully wrapped its lips around the cock of a donkey and slid its lips up and down the donkey's dick.
It's not so much Halo I hate. The game's not too awful (by X-Box stadards at least). But I cannot fucking stand the people who play Halo. They lurk around my school in groups creating plastic assault rifles and jacking off to pictures of Master Chief in between all night rounds of online Halo.
These assholes act like Halo is the greatest thing to be produced by the world since me. Halo is by no means the greatest thing since me. Nor is it the greatest video game ever. Which is another thing I hate about Halo fans: When they aren't blowing Jason Jones for more info on Halo 4, they intentionally try to make people who can think for themselves say something bad about Halo so they can ramble on and on for a few hours about how Halo is sooooooooo creative, original, ground-breaking, etc. They act like they're Fred Phelps and Halo is their fucking religion.
IT'S A VIDEO GAME, ASSHOLES!!!
So, back to how much Halo blows. It's not the greatest video game. Not even close. It's not the greatest shooter ever either. In fact, we had shooters that were better than Halo 3 ten years ago. For example, 007 Goldeneye is easily the second best shooter ever (007 Nightfire is still number 1!). I would take Goldeneye over Halo any day. Same goes for Halo 2, Halo 3, and probably Halo 4. At best, Halo is the best game for X-Box that wasn't also on PS2. And looking at the competition, that's not a compliment. I hardly even consider Halo a shooter. It's like a shooter for pussies. The entire game is a contest of who's a bigger pussy and who gets a sniper rifle and a hiding place first. And there are like seven weapons in the game (I admit, I haven't extensively played Halo 3, so there may be more weapons there). 007 games have like 40 unique upgradeable weapons. While the enviroments were pretty good, they were nothing we hadn't seen in Perfect Dark, Goldeneye and Nightfire. People always rant about how much fun the vehicles are too. Once more, Nightfire helicopters and tank kick way more ass than anything in Halo except maybe the Ghost.
Which brings me to my next point. Why do all of the fanboys completely ignore the one thing that made Halo awesome? The Ghost! Those things fucking own. Everyone focuses on shit like the Scorpions, Warthogs, and Banshees. If I made Halo, the entire game would consist of driving around in a Ghost and kicking ass. That may sound boring, but I'd add some interesting things like upgradeable parts for the Ghost. Oh, and maybe a storyline that isn't totally linear. Oh and you know that dumbass robot who screws you over near end of the first game (I think it's name was Monitor, but I haven't played the game in a while)? You'd be able to destroy that thing and melt it's creators face with a flamethrower. FSM, I hate that little bastard. And to top it off, Master Chief would lose and the entire earth and the all the obnoxious fucking fanboys, and annoying little children, and emo kids, and Abercrombie shoppers, and loud people, and preps, and pseudo-intellectuals, and religious freaks, and all the other degrees of asshole that I forgot about would die.
List of Things That Are More Fun Than Halo