What do you do when your heart has wings and it flutters away out of grasp? Do you hold on to yesterday or let it drift through your fingers? Do you let the pain surround you like a flood of intertwined tears? Or do you go on with tomorrow? ----Makato Bhakta

Our story begins In India in 1996, the year I met the love of my life, Delia. We both had come from a well-to-do family and were told we were to be married. I knew nothing of her, nor did she know anything of me. Yet way before we even knew it, our parents had arranged for us to be wed.

Delia and I were wed on the marvelous day of March 15th, 1996. Our wedding was full of family and friends. It was a wedding meant for royalty, full of elephants and fabrics of gold color. And when I lifted the veil and met my wife for the first time, I fell in love and nothing from then on could keep us apart.

Later that year, our families made a choice that would change our way of living for the better. They told us, we had no choice in the matter. We were to move to the US; the whole other side of the world. Delia and I had gone to private school all our lives and I had gone on to college, so I knew English pretty well. Yet, moving to the US had frightened us both. We had many sleepless nights before the move. We knew only one other from our town who had made the move before us and would know barely no one once we got to the states. Our parents both assured us that they, too, would move in the next few years and that eased some of our worries.

We moved to Chicago, IL to a small village to which a lot of Indian Immigrants go. The shock was unbearable. The states were so much different then back home. Yet the people in the village made us feel right at home. They took us in as their own and helped Delia set up a bakery and I get a job in the city working as a nurse's aid till I could get a US doctor's license.

Everything was beginning to turn out well. Our families moved over early the next year. It was a great shock for both of our mothers, who spoke no English. Yet it was nice being in the arms of family once again. Then we noticed something missing from our lives. Delia and I had no children. Children are very important to the Hindi people. We believe that Children are the keys to the heart of the future. Delia and I began our long journey for children.

It took Delia and I a year and a half of trying before she finally became pregnant with our first child. And the 9 month wait seemed to take forever. We were both over-joyed to learn that we were to become parents for the very first time.

Our daughter was born, July 23rd, 1999. We named her Anju Rati (one who lays in heart) because she was our heart. She was the most perfect thing in our lives and everything we could ever hope for.

Anju was a daddy’s girl. She was always nearby me, whether it be in my arms or cradled on my lap. Her first word was even Dada (which made her mommy very jealous.)

When our little Anju was only a few months old we noticed a horrible rash that covered her tush and her lower back. Unlike other babies in the village it seemed our little girl had no energy what-so-ever nor the strength to do everyday tasks. That is when doctors gave us the diagnoses of Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE) or Lupus. We learned even though few have heard of it, worldwide it's seen as more common than leukemia, multiple sclerosis & muscular dystrophy.

Lupus is an autoimmune disease, a type of self-allergy, whereby the patient's immune system creates antibodies which instead of protecting the body from bacteria & viruses attack the person's own body tissues. This causes symptoms of extreme fatigue, joint pain, muscle aches, anemia, general malaise, & can result in the destruction of vital organs. It is a disease with many manifestations, & each person's profile or list of symptoms is different. Lupus can mimic other diseases, such as multiple sclerosis & rheumatoid arthritis, making it difficult to diagnose.

Currently there is no single test that can definitely say whether a person has lupus or not. Only by comprehensive examination and consideration of symptoms and their history can a diagnosis be achieved. Lupus is neither infectious or contagious.

People diagnosed with lupus normally remain under medical care with continuing medication. Many symptoms have less impact as a result, but side effects can often occur. Lupus can adversely influence the lives of those who suffer the illness, their families & friends.

There are generally four types of medications used in the treatment of Lupus - NSAIDS, Antimalarials, Steroids & Cytotoxics/Immunosuppressants.

Anju was a very sick little girl. After her diagnoses we learned that she had kidney failer and would have to be on kidney machine for the rest of her life if she did not get a kidney transplant.

Throughout her life Anju was very loving and caring. She always loved to laugh and giggle. She loved people and got along with everyone. She was very active, even if she tired out easily. She loved her little toy bike and to be pushed in the stroller very much.

Throughout her treatment she was put on very strong drugs which made her lifeless and almost to the dropping point. I believe the treatment for lupus is worse than the illness itself. I think the worse drug of all that she was put on was Methotrexate. Methotrexate (Rheumatrex) - a chemotherapy drug: works within weeks, & is taken only once a week. Decreases joint inflammation, but can make lupus patients more sensitive to ultraviolet light. Has little effect on organ-threatening disease. Must be used carefully in patients with kidney impairment. The Methotrexate caused great nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, anemia, bone marrow suppression and, liver damage in our little girl. So now not only did she have horrible kidney’s yet also a bad liver.

Lupus had surely done a number on our little girl, yet through it all…Anju stayed strong. (We always admired her for that.) She fought every moment of everyday for her life. She was not going to let the intense pain stop her from enjoying the world around her.

In January of 2001 we had another child. We had a little boy, Vishva. Vishva was born perfect, with no lupus in his tiny system. Anju was a very loving sister to her little baby brother Vishva, whom she loved very much. She gave him lots of warm kisses and let him take over half of her room.

In early June of this year (2001), our little Anju fell extremely ill due to her lupus. Doctors gave her only a few days if a kidney/liver transplant was not to be found. Sadly, a transplant was not found. Anju died on June 3rd, 2001. Our heart earned her wings a fluttered past the stars into a better place to be reborn.