IF I ATTAIN ENLIGHTENMENT
June 26th (Fri)
The Pranayama of Tsandali up to 1:00 PM. The golden light rises
at the time of the breath of Ratnasambava today. When I move my
consciousness from my coccyx to the crown of my head, the light in
golden color rises up from my neck to the crown of my head, which
brings numbness to the crown of my head. The energy does not rise
in case of other four Buddhas.
1:00 PM. Vayaviya. Energy wouldn't rise in Vayaviya. Along
this, the state of ecstacy is getting less. I keep my practice
wondering why. I ask this to Master, and receive the answer that
it is because the most of the energy had already risen.
7:00 PM. Kriya Yoga. I can't practice Basti in good manner. No
clear water. Bathing after Neti, Dauti, and Gaja Karani. Finished
everything at 10:00. I am tired. I used my strength.
Meditation of Tsandali. Lack of physical power, fast heartbeat.
I begin to gasp just by talking with the Master. He tells me that
it is the best state for entering Samadhi. As I begin to
visualize, I immediately go into the Astral world. Entering
Samadhi two or three times. I also dreamed.
Master tells me that he can't move his fingers because of
accumulating bad energy. As I put my palm on Master's Anahata, he
said, "The bad energy is changing into "the space element" through
your hand. My pain in my fingers disappeared. The power of Khema
is great." However, my power originally comes from the energy of
the Master. I could come to this spiritual stage because of
recieving such a great amount of energy from the Master.
"Can I give Shakti-pat to you if I attain enlightenment?"
"It's possible."
The Master's physical body is in extremely bad condition after
giving Shakti-pats. He can't do spiritual practice to recover
himself because of too much things that he should do. I hope I can
be any of his help.
I went to sleep chanting the phrase of repentance.
LITTLE MORE TO GO. DO YOUR BEST.
June 27th (Sat.)
Bigin spiritual practice at 12:00. It's noon. THere are pain in
joints all over my body. I feel weak. Is it because I slept on
the bed? Or is it because I am tired?
However, in fact, it was because I used my "wind element" when I
gave energy to the Master. Even such a short period of time gives
such an influence to my body. I wonder how strong pain must the
Master bear by giving Shakti-pat.
12:00. The Pranayama of Tsandali. I feel good. The light in
golden color goes up and down. Ecstacy and numbness is much
stronger than yesterday. Light is also stronger.
Vayaviya. Once again, almost no rise of energy. Even though I
retain my breath up to my limit everytime, I can't see so much
light. The length of Kunbaka became rather long. At approximately
4:00, I become unable to think, feel good, losing all wish to do
anything. What happened to me? I just feel like doing nothing.
"The Kundalini of Wind" rises through my back bone which gives me
ecstacy. I feel good.
Since this is my new state, I ask Guru about this.
"That is the state of Manomani (the state of Unmani). It is a
state when you wouldn't like to do anything and feel very good.".
He went on, "Enlightenment comes after that state. It is little
more to go, so do your best."
Back to Vayaviya again, but I don't feel like practicing this.
The time seems to pass by very slowly. Practicing Vayaviya a few
times. This made my heart feel bad. The heart is beating very
fast.
Then came a message from the Master saying, "It seems that there
is too much burden for your heart. Stop the Vayaviya and enter
Samadhi." I went to rather high world for 2 or 3 hours. I also
chanted the phrase of repentance.
9:00 PM. Today I was told to listen to the lecture of the Master.
He made me clear the process to attain enlightenment. It is as if
he had given the lecture especially for me. I could clearly
understand the following process.
10:00, Kriya Yoga.
1:00, the meditation of Tsandali. Enter Samadhi. Meal. I sleep
thinking about two things. "Pure true self". "Diamond and
ordinary rock".
ATTAINMENT - DIVING INTO THE OCEAN OF LIGHT
June 28th (Sun)
Bigin Pranayama of Tsandali at 10:10 morning. The Master says
that I am sure to attain enlgihtenment within the end of this
seminar at the latest. I only have today and tomorrow. I feel the
necessity to do my best.
10 days have passed since I was told to be close to enlightenment.
Nevertheless, Master says that my spiritual stage is getting
higher everyday. I have recieved great amount of energy frm the
Master, and he had spent me a lot of time for me. I don't know how
to apologize if I wouldn't quickly attain enlightenment. I must do
everything I can so as to attain enlightenment as fast as possible.
There was a great change while practicing the Pranayama of
Tsandali. When I visualize vayu rising everytime I breath, the
light in golden color appears in front of me and above me. This
begau from the day before yesterday. Yesterday the light got
stronger, but today's light is uncomparebly strong. Along this
light, whole body is covered with ecstacy while light appears. The
stronger the light is, the longer the state of ecstacy is. Strong
numbness appears from the crown of my head to arms, legs, and
fingertips.
I suddenly lost my consciousness while concentrating on this
light. I returned a few seconds later, but at first I couldn't
underrstand where I were. My body was facing to the right, and had
the subtle vibration.
Where was I? The shock was completely different to the ones which
I always experience when I fly to the Astral world. (When I fly to
the Astral world, such a strong light wouldn't appear. Yes, I
smoothly go into dim white light, and return to my body with small
vibration without so much trouble. And the memory of where I was
and what I did clearly remains in my mind after returning to my
physical body.)
The shock of detaching from my physical body and the shock of
returning to it was something which I have never experienced
before. It was like vaccuumed into the light of golden color, or
flying toward the light.
With the noisy sound, I found myself in the swirl of light. It
was elliptically turning. I had an impression that it was the
swirl of thoughts rather than th swirl of light. I can't explain
it in words. The best expression might be "the world of light
where every thoughts are turning. I was absorbed into that world
and lost my consciousness. Then I found myself returned to my
physical body.
For a while, I was at the loss what to do. I couldn't understand
what I had experienced.
I got back to myself and began to practice once again. However, I
became unable to see the light since the experienced mentioned
above made a stuck in my mind. This was caused by the latent fear
for my first experience.
So I tried to relax my body, and found out the tension in my
shoulder. Doing my best to relax, I kept my practice. Little by
little, light returned. I went into the intermediate state between
consicous and unconscious (This is also impossible to express by
words.).
The light in golden color is above my head. Kundalini rises. I
felt as if my whole body turned into light, and my thought stopped.
Gradually, my thoughts begins to activate. Numbness disappears
little by little - This was the process of going in and out from
the intermediate state of consciousness.
I entered such state for many times, dozens of times.
After this, I twice experienced the state of unconsciousness which
I had mentioned, the state of diving into light. All three
experiences took the same process. The only difference was my pose
when I returned to myself. In the second time I lay forward and my
head was on the floor. And in the third time my body was shaking
back and forth.
Th time for the Pranayama of Tsandali is over. It is time for
Vayaviya. Almost no energy rises by Vayaviya. i feel as if I am
losing my energy. It makes me tired.
Vayaviya may be effective to rise great amount of energy at once.
However, at this point, since there aren't so much energy left in
the lower Chakras, perhaps it loses energy to rise the energy
itself.
On the contrary, the Pranayama of Tsandali seems to rise the
subtle energy. I recognize myself losing the strong estacy while
practicing Vayaviya, but began to feel ecstacy while practicing the
Pranayama of Tsandali.
I decided to stop Vayaviya and enter Samadhi. I sat in the right
posture, but can't enter Samadhi. I couldn't decided whether I
shall practice the Pranayama of Tsandali or not.
I asked the Master about this. When I told him about my
experience of becoming unonscious three times, he said, "Dive into
the Light." He also told me that the Pranayama of Tsandali is
good.
I kept practicing it. The Master came and said, "You will attain
enlightenment today." And gave me the final initiation. What a
strong energy. Energy assembles at my head.
Back to the practice agian. There is a blockof energy at the
crown of my head. The energy of the Master remains as it is. The
Pranayama of Tsandali will not do. I can't dissolve this energy.
It is an object with extremely strong energy. I immediately began
Vayaviya because I thought I need to give strong stimulation to it.
After practicing Vayaviya for approximately 30 minutes, I began my
Pranayama of Tsandali.
Strong ecstacy. Vibration. Numbness. From the top of my head to
the front of me, the light in extremely strong, bright, golden
color which shines as bright as the sun-ray rised.
There was a shower of golden light. In that light, I immersed in
happiness.
The sun kept rising, and in the end, the golden swirl came down
and covered my body.
I existed in the light. No, the true I was the light itself. I
was alone in that space. I was alone but I included everything.
The real happiness and the real freedom was within me. The real
me...
AT THAT TIME, I WAS LIGHT ...
COMMENT OF HIS HOLINESS THE MASTER, SHOKO ASAHARA CONCERNING WITH KHEMA-TAISHI'S ATTAINMENT OF KUNDALINI YOGA
Khema-Taishi is the only attainer who can give Shakti-pat. I
don't permit anybody else but her to give Shakti-pat.
It is because she could make the perfection of Kundalini Yoga now,
five months after the attainment. Now she is close to attain Jnana
Yoga.
When I look back to what she used to be before her attainment, it
seemed to me that she was not good at expressing herself. However,
seh could transcend it and remake herself.
I could take away her worldly desires which prevented her from
attainment. They were the desires which we can often find in
women; the desire to be loved, and appetite.
The reason for her short period of staying in the isolated room
for spiritual practice was because of nothing but her merit. Since
she had been accumulating enough merit, she could immediately get
the result. Spiritual practice can't go without merit. In
addition,she had stable belief toward Guru. She completely
qualifies the conditions to attain Kundalini Yoga.
In the end, I would like to add that she remembers quite a few
amount of her past lives though it is not written in this
experience.