Horror

Resident Evil - A

This movie is meant to be simple fun, many people don't understand this movie at all. They often complain the movie isn't extremely deep, or the fact that most of the characters don't have names. But this isn't meant to be some deep thought provoking film that ignites social debate. It is meant to be a horror movie, horror movies are meant to be fun. That is why the movie is good, it doesn't try to make a message, it is just fun. It has all kinds of things that make a movie good. It has zombies, zombie dogs, chicks in tight clothes getting wet, guns, and of course killing zombies by kung-fu. Milla Jovovich, a personal favorite of mine, plays her character extremely well in this movie, as does everyone else. Watch for Jason Isaacs in the end of the movie playings a surgeon (in fact he is playing William Birkin but I assume most of you have no idea who he is).

Jason X - A

This came out in theatres at the same time as Resident Evil and got good reviews from people that often hate these kind of movies. Namely Chris Hewitt (you know my thoughts about him, if not lets say I don't agree with him often), but he actually liked this movie and Resident Evil. He once and awhile gets miraculous epiphany and understands what a movie is meant to be. Jason X is my favorite of the often discredited Friday the 13th series. The first was good as 80s slasher movies went, the rest got weaker and weaker until Jason X came along. The guys that made this one decided to go something different than what had been done before. They were going to make the movie fun, but not exactly make fun of the movie. What resulted is a fabulous sci-fi slasher movie, a rarity in either genre. My personal favorite scene involves a holographic projection of two girls that offer booze, drugs, and premarital sex to Jason in order to stall him, what results is Jason beating one girl with the other packed in a sleeping bag. Now when you hear it most liberal minded retards out there will be horrified how I can laugh at cruelity to women, but these movies are so based on that, it is kinda funny to see it done that way. Another plus, two of the three chicks from the TV show Adromenda star. Don't sell this movie short, just don't expect anything beyond a solid genre pic.

Sleepy Hollow - A

This probably has to be my favorite Tim Burton movie. Not only is one of my favorite legends, it is my favorite director. This uses all the best Tim Burton style, and the horseman really kicks ass. But it also has Christina Ricci, god she is absolutely gorgeous. Then put her in corsetted low cut dresses, man she becomes Aphrodite. Johnny Deep also gives a great performance as the chicken shit Inspector Crane. There isn't one bad performance in the entire movie, even down to Casper Van Deem, who gets cut in half trying to fight the Horseman. I also like the extra twist the movie gives the Horseman. When this movie was coming out I was terribly worried that it would simply suck. I saw the trailers, knew it was being made by Tim Burton, and would have Christina Ricci. After being burned by Star Wars Episode 01 a few months previous had me very worried, but I watched when I saw it I knew it was better than I expected. This is another of those movies that I require you to see at least five times.

Below - A

How do you make a movie scary? By bombarding the auidence with dozens of horrific and gory images of brutual and bloody death, or do you play with sounds and a few scant images of a ghost. Personally I found the later to be more effective in spooking me. That was Below does, it uses sounds, and light to spook you. Add to that a great clastrophobic atmosphere a World War 2 era American Sub. The entire cast is extremely strong actors, mostly found among the 'I Know Him From X Movie' group. This movie was made by David Twohy, the same guy that made Pitch Black. He does a fabulous job of making the sub feel close and freaky. Sometimes I really don't understand how Dimension works. They release such fabulous movies as Phantoms and Dracula 2000 in the theatres but Below they send direct to video. This movie was more suspensful than the Ring and better than most films put out last year. I really like how they set it on a submarine, there are no horror movies on subs. Hell there are no other movies set on subs except war movies. I like a chance of pace in movies, this one is like going from crawling to running the New York Marathon. If you want a really great film rent this

Halloween - A

The mother of all slasher movies, and a movie that revolutionized the Horror genre. Made for 30,000 dollars and shot in 28 days. John Carpenter made one of the finest horror movies of all time. It had a simple plot, but Donald Pleasence made the film by playing Dr. Sam Loomis with a couple of best speeches in film history. This spawned an entire decade of slasher movies from the alright (Nightmare on Elm Street), to the really bad (later Friday 13th sequals) , this even has spawned several rather bad sequals, and even one sequal that had absolutely nothing to do with it. I can still vividly remember the first time I watched his movie, it was on USA's famed Up All Night hosted by comedian Gilbert Godfried, the movie totally blew me away. I had seen Friday the 13th, I had seen several other subpar slashers, but this was like watching a piece of art come to life. The next day I went out and rented it from King Soopers. It was that day in 1989 that I became a die hard fan of John Carpenter and his films. John Carpenter went on to more greatest but this is possibly his best film, he probably doesn't like to think the past 25 years haven't been able to regain the level he once had, but he has had many equally great movies, albeit it his most recent films haven't been up to his old school level but I guess things aren't condusive for real horror anymore, just look at Rob Zombie's House of a Thousand Corpses.

Friday the 13th - A

This little tale of amorous camp counselors and the mother with a few screws loose turned slasher movies into a mainstream crazy. True Halloween was the first, and arguably the best but Friday the 13th turned slasher mainstream. The story is simple, kids in woods menaced by psycho and it developed all the standard ques for a slasher movie, teens having sex and dying in grisly ways. I really like the entire Friday the 13th series, it is straight forward, meat and potatos, horror, you know what is coming and you can sit back and enjoy it. When it is done well like this movie and a few of its sequels it is fun to watch. It doesn't have to rely on novelty and overdone plotlines. Look for Kevin Bacon in his second movie role as the guy who has sex and dies. For many years Kevin Bacon was so worried that if it was widely known he had starred in a slasher movie it would ruin what he considered his career he would say that the first movie he ever did was Diner in 1985. He was so worried about being known for starring in a slasher movie that he was willing to sacrifice his real first starring role in National Lampoons Animal House, possibly one of the funniest movie ever, to keep his dirty little secret in the closet. One of my favorite slasher movies and one of my favorite slasher series because they make watching horror so much fun.

Friday the 13th II - A-

It is Jason's turn to get in on the action sporting the very fashionable white sack over his head sets his sights on a new camp that was built across Crystal Lake. The new camp is hosting all the new counselors so they can learn how to be more efficient slasher bait. So after some false alarms the head counselor sends most of the cast including the jokester, the classic first victim, off to go drinking leaving behind a much more managable group to be killed by a first time slasher like Jason. You must remember you aren't into your stride on your first slasher movie, you get better as time goes on. So the remaining counselors do what counselors should do, skinny dip, smoke pot, and have sex so Jason can kill them in a variety of ways, from machete to the face, one of the best deaths in the Friday the 13th series, to spearing two lovers through the bed. Then it was down to one, the final girl, who has to escape Jason in a series of very tense and well done cat and mouse scenes, even one actually involving a mouse. Jason does a good job for his first outing but also learns a valuable lesson, chainsaws are something to stay away from, especially when in the hands of a blonde. This slasher movie has another first in the history of slashers, besides being the first for a slashing Jason, it was the first slasher movie to take fire from the MPAA and the censor minded peoples of America. All the death scenes in this movie were seriously cut back reducing the gore and making the deaths very fast and uneven. It wasn't the filmmakers that made this movie less good than the first one but the censors who made the deaths so herky jerky, that and they killed Crazy Ralph, the guy who proclaims 'You're All Dooooomed'.

Friday the 13th III - D+

Ouch, ouch, ouch, this one really hurt. The plot is stretched so thin, you can see straight through it. A bunch of idiot teenagers, one for every stereotype in the book, go up to a cabin on Crystal Lake, to do the usual slasher movie stuff. Well the guys that made this movie thought it would be funny to add a biker gang in the mix. Well they all wind up the axe victims of Jason. This is the worse sequal of the lot, there is no creativity, the scares suck, the gore sucks, the acting sucks, the nudity sucks. This movie was also made during the mericfully short 3-D revivial of the 80s and there are several scenes tailor made to show off the wonders of 3-D which are really out of place and most of the time dumb. Making 3-D movies is never a good idea, especially for a slasher whose main audience is the video market and the movie didn't come with glasses. This is the only sequal I really can't sit through, the rest I can watch by simply turning my rational mind off, but this one even the irrational side of me can't take it.

Friday the 13th IV: The Final Chapter - B

An attempt to bring the series down, but like its villian Jason, it refuses to stay down. This is not all that bad, it does give you more gore, more nudity and better characters than the last one. It also has the soon to be famous Corey Feldman, playing the bratty brother that saves the day. The series starts to sputter from this point on, too many imitators, too much censorship, not enough fresh and new ideas. I don't like Corey Feldman's character in this movie because he is 'The Kid' and will never die. This movie has a valuable life lesson, if you are a fat girl don't hitchhike, you will never get anywhere.

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning - C

Corey Feldman's character in the previous movie is now all grown up and thoroughly crazy so he goes to a camp for troubled teens to recover from his trauma of killing Jason, but Jason comes looking and starts carving up the troubled teens. The only person in the way is one of the pretty counselors at the camp. Fairly straight forward vanilla slasher, it works quiet well because it follows the slasher guidelines and doesn't get too conservative or cute with it. Not the best of the series but still decent.

Friday the 13th: Jason Lives - C

Jason comes back, when the kid from the last two movies decides to dig up Jason's corpse and toss gas on him and to do this during a thunderstorm. Then he gets this great idea of stuffing a piece of the rot iron fence through Jason. Well after a series of bad decisions, Jason is revived ala Frankenstein by the mysterious power of electricity. Well he runs to the cops, who think he is all ten kinds of nuts and they lock him up at the same time Jason is getting back into the swing of his murderous ways. The story follows the template scenarios, and in the end he is at the bottom of the lake. This movie isn't as bad as the bookends next to it because of the large number of victims this movie offers up, they introduce a whole slew of characters just to hack to bloody ribbons. Not bad if creative murder is your game but offers little else.

Friday the 13th: The New Blood - C-

The only decent thing this entry has going for it is the introduction of Kane Hodder, the best Jason of the lot. He brings a certain satisfaction to Jason's work. He strolls, he kills, he really does a great job as Jason. Plus he really takes an ass whipping, in this one. Our heroine is now a telekenetic girl with a troubled past. The kids party, the kids die, the good blonde and a nice guy get to survive. Jason should be dead about six times during the longest final act of any slasher ever, he's electrocuted, he is set on fire, he is crushed by many tons of wood, he is hung then dropped two stories into a flaming basement, finally he is dragged down to the bottom of the lake once again by the psychic/psycho girls long dead dad. Don't ask me I haven't figured it out yet.

Ghost Ship - B-

Not a bad movie, but then again not exactly great. It is a really good setup if it is a little murky. It builds well but once it starts down the horror path it starts to loose its punch. Luckily there are a few twists to keep the horror path from getting just to be mindless killing. Plus this movie has Gabriel Byrne, the most effortless complex actor ever. All the actors go a pretty good job, but again the weaknesses in the script doesn't allow them to shine completely. The deaths are especially good, especially the beginning. I won't give it away but it involves a wire and a large group of people on the dance floor. Check is out if you're in the mood for a serious horror film and have already seen the classics a few times.

From Dusk Til Dawn - A

This is one of those very misunderstood movies. It really was just some bad timing, it came out after Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodrigeuz had very strong successful movies out, and everybody was expecting something more like Pulp Fiction. What they got was a tribute to all the great drive-in explotation films. This movie really has a strange history. Tarantino wrote it for Robert Kurtzman, one of the best special effects artist in Hollywood for 5 thousand dollars so he could make Reservoir Dogs. Then he rewrote it to make From Dusk Til Dawn. It really is two movies in one. The first part is a crime drama, the two bank robbers trying to make it to Mexico. After they get to Mexico it turns into a crazy zombie/biker movie. Aside from the writing this really is a Robert Rodrigeuz movie, from the co-stars, Danny Trejo, Cheech Marin, and of course the ever yummy Salma Hayak who plays Santanico Pandemonium the leader of the zombie/vampires. This is a great movie, also is George Clooney's best role ever. Make sure to rent/buy this movie on DVD and then listen to commentary with Quentin and Robert. Where else in the world will you hear somebody say that their movie has 'zombie wookies' in it.

Halloween 2 - B+

This wins the award for one of the cleverest sequels ever. Usually when you have a sequel it is X number of years after the first movie, usually a number that matches how many years it was between films. But Halloween 2 was set on the same night as the first Halloween, albeit it was 3 years later in actuality. This movie lacks the same style that John Carpenter brought to it and was generally panned by critics at the time, but looking back at it among all the other slasher sequels that would assault the genre in the insuing decade it really is pretty good. This was written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill so it retains some of John's magic. I also like how they reveal more of why Michael Myers is hunting after Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis). Best watched after watching Halloween. I also like how they bring in Samhain into the film as a motivation, it is nice to see my ancestory's ancient gods used in movies instead of Greco-Roman Gods, or Jeudo-Christian Religion in movies.

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch - B-

This is the most brave sequel ever, it has the Halloween name on it, but it doesn't have anything to with the previous movies. There is no Michael Myers, Laurie Strode, Dr. Loomis, or John Carpenter. It does include the holiday of Halloween, so I guess the usage of title is understandable. What happened was that they intended to break from the sequel mold of movies like Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elms Street, but it failed so totally and completely that they shelved the idea and never came back to it again. What it does is give us killer Halloween Masks and a Northern California Doctor who is trying to uncover the strange mystery. They give lip service to more Celtic Mythology as a means to an end. Once considered the worst horror sequel ever. But as time has passed this movie has gathered a cult following in a cult genre because it is so against the sequel mold. It has even won me over for that exact reason, it is a curiousity and a pretty decent curiousity at that.

The Evil Dead - A

The ultimate experience in grueling terror, good name for it. While it is cheesy, and very low budget it is one of the most revolutionary horror movies made. It is a splatter-fest, where else can you see a possessed demon chick chew her own hand off? This is also the first appearence of the mighty chinned demon slayer Ash, this is pre chainsaw, pre medievil super hand. I like how in this movie we really get a good character transformation in Ash, in the beginning he is a sniveling, chicken shit coward, who is force through circumstances to become the great demon slayer. The making of this film is also another really great story of running out of money, actors, equipment, but still making a great movie. The end sequence has become a piece of movie lore, because for years Sam Raimi has spread the rumor that he drove a motorcycle in this scene and broke Bruce Campbell's jaw. But I also love how in the ending credits even the music dies, so this movie can say that everything dies. It seems that if you really have nothing you always make a better film, especially with horror. But to honest love this movie you have to be a true fan of the horror genre, which of course I am.

The Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn - A

The return of the ultimate experience in grueling terror, only with a bigger budget and an older Bruce Campbell. Now many mistake in believing that Evil Dead 2 is a remake of the first, this comes from the fact that they recapped the first film by reshooting it so it would synch better with the rest of the film. The new part of the movie picks up at the exact moment the previous ends with the force attacking Ash. This movie cranks up the amount of blood that is splattered on screen, from blood flood to the death of Jake in the cell trap door. It also has something that you rarely see in movies, the main character lopping off a limb. In this movie, Ash's hand turns bad, I just love that idea, and actively tries to kill him. What's the solution? Simple pin it to the ground with a butcher knife and lop it off with a chainsaw. But don't think that it just Ash that get tortured and tormented in this film. Another great and memorable scene is when Jake, the evil hillbilly in this movie, get stabbed, if you have seen this movie you know what I mean. This is a great Bruce 'Call Me Ash and Die' Campbell vehicle.

The Evil Dead 3: The Army of Darkness - A

This was the first Evil Dead movie I saw, and I just loved it. Ash is more of a bumbling yutz than in the previous movies and he does it so well. He is every bad characteristic of American's rolled into one; he is a braggart, a blowhard, a liar, and an idiot. He has to fight an array of wacky villians, from an army of small Ashes to his Evil Ash. It has a great set piece castle seige and is one of the funniest movies ever made. You both love and hate Ash throughout the movie, it really is a testimate to Bruce Campbell's acting ability. I often find that B-Movie actors are really the best actors because they have to play characters, your main stream A-List bozos just play themselves in different situations. This one of those movies that has about ten different DVD releases; you have the Universal Release, the Archor Bay Release, the Archor Bay Director's Cut Limited Special Edition 2 Pack, the Director's Cut regular edition, the Official Bootleg, and the Boomstick Edition. Probably my favorite of the three movies, but Evil Dead 2 really is close, mainly for the blood floods and the evil hand.

Scream - A

By 1996 the horror genre was dead and was starting to get buried. The only horror movies that were coming out were direct to video releases from Full Moon, or other small time companies and these didn't have the heart or the creativity they use to have. Then came Scream, and like every killer in a slasher movie the entire genre came back to life with a vengence. Taking cues from Fright Night and injecting modern cyncism Kevin Williamson wrote an amazingly well thought out script using all the themes that horror had made famous. Add to it one of the genre's finest directors, Wes Craven, the movie became an instant classic and saved horror movies. I love Rose McGowan in this movie, I like her in just about everything she does, and especially this. She really plays her character to the hilt. But this movie has also spawned a large number of crappy knock-offs much like Halloween did after it came out. But also it has allowed horror movies to come back into the cineplex and that is good enough for me.

The Howling - A

This is the best werewolf movie ever made, yes it even beats Lon Chancey's Wolf Man. Plus it has Slim Pickens (he rode the bomb down in Dr Strangelove). It also has Dick Miller, this guy has been in a million things going all the way back to the 1950s, but this is my favorite of them all. He has a small part as the owner of an occult bookstore that gives the audience a quick lesson in werewolves. One of Joe Dante's best, right next to Gremlins. Followed several not so great sequels and one pretty solid sequal. Great for Halloween viewing.

John Carpenter's The Fog - A

John Carpenter's follow up to Halloween, often gets overshadowed because of it came after Halloween. While Halloween was a slasher movie, the Fog is an old ghost story with some wicked killer ghost lepers. It really has a good ghost story feel to it, you rarely find actual ghost stories made into movies, I don't know why? It works very well for this movie. It is another great John Carpenter movie.

From Dusk Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money - A

I went into watching this one expecting the very worst but found out it wasn't really all the bad and in fact was pretty good. The movie really has almost nothing to do with the first From Dusk Til Dawn. Now we join Robert Patrick and a group of robbers, including a rodeo clown. The accidently run across the Titty Twister from the first movie and one of their lot becomes a vamp. Then it is up to Robert Patrick to keep his ass alive when he is trapped in a bank with the Mexican Police outside and a load of pissed off vampires inside. Robert Patrick carried this movie, but he is the kind of B Movie actor that can carry a movie totally on his own, shit he carried an entire season of X-Files by himself, why not 90 minutes of movie. This movie was directed by Scott Spiegel, no not Spike's grandfather but the co-writer of Evil Dead 2, you can tell that there is a little of the Evil Dead in this movie.

Scream 2 - C

This is the weakest of all the Scream movies, nowhere as good as the first, but then again it is a sequel. The movie doesn't feel like it is hitting it marks sometimes, sometimes it just is so bloody bad it is hard to get past these parts, ie the death of a certain character and then the killer's motive. I also don't like Neve Campbell in these movies, there is something abrasive about her that doesn't allow the audience to feel for her during the scary moments. But the movie has some good points, namely Sarah Michelle Gellar getting killed. You can tell Kevin Williamson really blew his load on the first one and wasn't able to get the creative juices going for a second time at bat. Wes Craven does a good job directing but with very little to work with it is kinda hard to make a movie on the equal of the first.

Halloween Resurrection - C-

The Halloween movies just keep getting worse, and more cookie cutter. While this version has another shocker opener, not going to exactly say what happens but I like it. Especially the part where Michael Myers gives the bloody knife to the serial killer expert. That is one of the few good parts of the movie is that they at least try to give Michael a little personality. The setup of the movie is interesting, they send a group of rather brain dead college students into the old Myers House to search for the mystery of Michael Myers. Of course guess who shows up to kill them. All the characters, except for Busta Rhymes character drove me nuts and I cheered for their deaths. Oddly enough I actually like Busta Rhymes in this, he plays the host of the show Dangertainment that sends the kids into the house. He gets to do some Kung-Fu on Michael Myers and gets off a few good one liners. It is probably good to watch once, but these movies never really make any strides to do anything new or different. They are making a 9th movie for 2004 and their are rumors flying all about that the master himself, John Carpenter, is going to remake the original Halloween with a new cast possibly as early as Halloween 2004. I can only hope that the master will be able to breath some new life into the series, much like Jason X did for Friday the 13th Series.

Scream III - B-

The final chapter of this semi-good trilogy. Our characters all have gravitated to Hollywood where two of my favorite B-Stars, Lance Henriksen and Roger Corman, are making the 3rd Stab movie. Of course masked killer comes back to torment Neve Cambell and company by killing a bunch of people. This one is better than Scream 2 simply because it is more campy than the other two with more fun cameos, especially Carrie Fisher's role. The motive is a little less preachy than the other two. These movies have left a bad legacy in Hollywood, now most horror movies have to be tongue in cheek with teenage casts that could act their way out of a wet paper sack. In this outing all the teens are older, playing older, but still are only mediocre at best. I have never liked Neve Cambell, she is too stand offish, you can never really feel connected to her. Best watched after watching the first two, or at least the first one.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers - C

It has been ten long years since Dr Sam Loomis tried to incenerate the Haddonfield Terror, Michael Myers. Those ten years were spent in the basement of a Federal Psych Ward attached to all kinds of life support, essentially he was a crispy critter. While being transported, Michael hears the words that turn him back into an unstoppable killing machine, his sister Laurie has a daughter, now he is Uncle Michael. He kills the people transporting him and makes his way towards Haddonfield just in time for Halloween. They call in Dr Loomis, played the Horror Master Donald Pleasence, and he starts the hunt once again. The main target, Jamie is a foster girl after her mother 'died' in a car crash. Her foster-sister, Rachel (a very 80s Heroine Name) is played by Ellie Cornell, who is another great horror movie House of the Dead. Well Halloween comes and Michael starts to tear the town apart looking for Jamie, now it is upto Dr Loomis and Rachel to keep her alive. This is probably the best of the later sequels, it works more with suspense than with overt slasher material. I really like how the local hicks form a posse in this movie, it is one of the few movies that have one out looking for the slasher, complete with shotguns and pickups with floodlights. The chicks in the movie, albeit really don't get naked, are plenty nice to look at. The end is a little iffy and I can't help but notice how while it is supposed to be Illinois the movie was shot in Utah, which is like trying to convince your audience you are shooting on a tropical beach in Greenland. Another thing I really didn't like is the use of the little girl, little kids never work well in slasher movies, you known in advance that unless it is foreign the kids will always survive. Pretty good job as sequels go.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers - D-

Oh man this hurt, it hurts like a gall stone the size of a bowling ball. Well after the shooting massacre of the last movie, Michael Myers survived and comes back after Jamie, who goes from mildly annoying in the first movie to so irrating you are routing for Michael to cut her tongue out so she can't scream any more. This movie takes all the bad traits of the first, which totalled twenty minutes and made a 90 minute movie out of it. There is a plot twist about twenty minutes into the movie that told me long before it was over I was going to hate the movie, it involves the death of a certain character, not Dr Loomis but the other crutch of the movie. Well Donald Pleasence does what he can with it but really isn't in this one as much as the others. No the movie is supposed to be carried by a pair of ten year old kids, exactly we have decided to make a pre-teen slasher movie, it really makes it hard to work the slasher movie rules into the pre-teen set, especially the sex and death clause. Another problem is Michael's mask, the bottom hangs out the entire movie, everytime I see him I want to scream, tuck it in, could also go for his gut. The plot is riddled with holes like the Bonnie and Clyde Death Car. The mystery man in black gives a little plot twist to the whole slasher setup so that saves it from getting the F but that is about it.