You Promised
A.J. let himself into Howie's condo, trying to be quiet. It was nearing two in the morning, and although normally he would have slammed his duffel bag onto the floor, he decided against it. Number one, Howie was probably still sleeping, and number two, he wanted to get to sleep without Howie interrogating him. He would have the energy for interrogations in the morning. Right now, all he wanted was to curl into Howie's arms and sleep forever.
He crept into Howie's room, smiling when he saw the familiar form of his best friend's chest slowly rising and falling. A.J.'s smile turned soft. Howie was so angelic when he was awake, but when he was asleep, there was no denying how divine he appeared.
A.J. changed and for a while just sat at the bedside, studying his sleeping angel. He grinned to himself, imagining a choice many would find him obsessed if they knew he had memorized every strand of gold in Howie's hair, or every fleck of soft, warm auburn in Howie's dark chocolate eyes. All right, so he knew he was obsessed. But he didn't mind. What scared him was the fact that he didn't mind.
A.J. slid under the covers, instantly clinging to Howie's sleep-warmed body. He slipped an arm around Howie's shoulders and the other around his waist. Just as he had laid his head against Howie's pillow, Howie jerked out of his embrace and almost fell off the bed. Luckily, A.J. had the reflexes to reach out and snatch his wrist, hauling Howie back into his arms, though both of them were sitting up now.
"Hey, hey, what's the matter with you?" A.J. whispered soothingly, frightened at the mile-a-minute breaths spilling out of Howie's lips. "Shhh, it's okay. Calm down, angel, I'm here." He ran his hand through Howie's hair, pushing the older man's head against his shoulder.
Howie began to shake in his lover's arms, pressing his face deeper into A.J.'s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around A.J.'s back and allowed A.J. to pull him closer.
A.J. was officially scared. What was wrong with him? "Shh," he breathed. "Just calm down, baby, it's all right." He rubbed Howie's back gently, sighing with relief when he felt the shaking diminish to nothing. When Howie's breathing returned to normal, A.J. slowly pulled back. He locked Howie's eyes with his own. "What happened, angel?" he asked, tracing his fingertips across the side of Howie's face.
Howie took a deep breath, shutting his eyes. A single tear skimmed down his face from the corner of his eye. A.J. frowned and brushed the fluid marble. Howie opened his eyes and said quietly, "I dreamt you died."
A.J.'s eyes widened. "What?"
Howie nodded. "I-I was here and Denise called me and told me your flight crashed and…" He broke off, his voice trembling. "I thought you were dead."
A.J. was pained to see him so upset. He pulled his alarmed lover into his arms, shutting his eyes. "I'm here. I'm not dead. And I don't plan on dying. You got me?"
Howie nodded into his neck. "Y-yeah."
A.J. laughed. "You know, angel, if this is going to happen every time we're apart, I say we screw the fans and the group and spend the rest of forever together." He rested his temple against Howie's cheek, smiling softly. In truth, he wouldn't have minded that possibility at all, if it weren't for that damned reality thing that was constantly getting in their way.
"I wish we could," Howie sighed. "Unfortunately…"
"Unfortunately," A.J. agreed. "Life sucks."
Howie lifted his head enough to gaze into A.J.'s eyes, frowning slightly. "You think so?"
A.J. considered the inquiry for a moment before discovering there was potential fun in his reaction if he put his mind to it. "Well, yeah. I mean the group I'm in doesn't…fulfill my needs anymore. I, well I feel like I'm suffocating. Oh, and the guy I'm with is such a-"
Howie cut his demonic boyfriend off with an appropriate pillow slam to the side of his head. A.J. recoiled and began laughing hysterically, the crazed laugh that had been titled the "'Larger Than Life' Laugh".
After a moment, A.J. calmed down and Howie lay down beside him, resting his head on A.J.'s collarbone. A.J. laid an arm across Howie's and entwined their fingers together, the other arm around the small of Howie's back.
"Think it's safe for you to sleep?" A.J. asked suddenly.
Howie smiled, fatigue finally beginning to settle in. "Now that you're here…" He frowned. "Wait…what the hell are you doing here? Not that I'm complaining…"
A.J. laughed softly. "There was a cancellation in American Airlines." He snorted. "Should've gone to them first. Anyway, they had a couple seats open, so I figured what the hell?" He kissed Howie's forehead fondly. "Why not?"
Howie looked up at him, beaming. "I love you, Alex."
A.J. glowed, his eyes sparkling. "I love you too, angel."
<~*~>
Just as they managed to pull free of the delusional fantasy they had enthralled themselves in, the break was over. Kevin called them and reminded them they were to take flights up to New York the next day. They would be taking separate flights again, but this time, it was by choice…or should one say, Howie's choice.
A.J. frowned. "Now, run this by me again." He glared across the room, where Howie was diligently packing and successfully managing to annoy his boyfriend at the same time. "You want to take separate flights on different airlines so we'll get in at different times and you're thinking this is a…good thing?" His face was a mask of incredulity. "I'm not following."
Howie rolled his eyes. "Calm down, Alex, it'll only be an hour's difference. Maybe an hour and a half, at most." He looked up from his packing, eyes pleading. "I don't want to be apart from you anymore than you want to be apart from me, but baby, we can't. I mean, we're pushing it with the rings, but sooner or later if we start showing up places together all the time, somebody's going to figure it out. Figure us out." He shook his head. "And if I lost you, I'd never forgive myself."
However, A.J. was adamant. "What's wrong with the rings? We told them they were friendship rings. They don't suspect anything." He got up and paced his side of the room. "I mean the way I'm seeing this is you're trying to keep us apart."
Howie shook his head emphatically. "I'm not!" He sighed. "God, Alex, just listen to me. I don't want to do this at all. I'd rather be with you, but we can't risk getting found out."
A.J. paused, glaring at him, eyes flashing. "So now you're ashamed of me?"
Howie's eyes widened. "You know that's not true," he whispered. "Don't say that. You know that's not true."
"Oh do I? Why the fuck can't we tell the public, Howie? Huh? Why not? Who is it going to hurt?"
"EVERYONE!" Howie exploded. "Damn it, A.J., just stop thinking about you and look at everyone else. It'll hurt the group, Kevin, Brian, Nicky, our fans, us." His eyes glinted. "Can't you see that? We're not the only two involved here Alex, and you can see that. Or maybe you don't want to see it." He went back to packing.
A.J. seethed for a few minutes. Then he realized how stubborn he was being and managed to calm down. He approached Howie slowly, cautiously, and wrapped his arms around Howie's waist from behind. Howie froze.
"I'm sorry, angel," A.J. said softly. "I just want to be with you."
Howie nodded. "I know. So do I."
A.J. hesitated. "Then can we take the plane together?"
Howie sighed. "Alex, listen to me-"
"No, Howie." A.J. backed away, scowling at him furiously. "You listen. All I want for us is the chance for us to be together. Forever. But you don't ever contribute to that! You pretend like we're only friends in public, you yell at me for trying to hold your hand… God damn it, can't you see I love you? I don't give a flying fuck what the God damn fans think! I'm in love with you, and I have been for years. You're the only thing in my life that would be worth giving everything up for. But… It looks like the feeling is one-sided…" His eyes were quickly beginning to shake, desperately searching Howie's eyes for some sign of disagreement.
Howie opened his mouth to reply, but instead remained mute, staring at A.J. for a few fatal moments.
A.J. nodded stiffly. "I-I…" He choked. "You know what?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Fine. Fine. We can take separate flights. And when we get to New York, we can get separate rooms. All for you," he spat. "Hope you're happy."
Before Howie could manage a word in his defense, A.J. was gone out of the room with his bag, into the hallway, soon out of the house, and out of the argument.
<~*~>