~*~
"If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
Tonight…"
Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles"
It was the shortest break the five singers would be offered throughout their entire tour. But while Brian and Kevin moped about the lack of time they would receive to play house with their wives, A.J. and Howie sulked about the broad expanse of forever it would be until they saw each other again. Somehow, even the shortest breaks seemed like an eternity to them.
This explained why neither one was eager to pull out of the other's embrace while they stood in their hotel room, their band mates none-too-patiently waiting outside. A.J. nestled his chin into Howie's shoulder, resting his temple against Howie's cheek, sighing as Howie tightened his arms around A.J.'s waist. Howie kissed the top of A.J.'s head with a miserable sigh.
"I don't want you to leave," A.J. said in a tone significantly resembling a whine for the billionth time that morning. It goes without saying that he had been objecting to the time they would be forced to spend apart for days now.
They had originally planned on taking a plane to Orlando together, but that plan had died quickly when they found out the flight was booked except for one seat. Howie had business for the Dorough Lupus Foundation the next day and he had to be there. A.J. had been the one that insisted on his going, but he regretted it now, although he would take the next available flight down the next day.
Howie smiled. "Neither do I." He buried his forehead into A.J.'s neck. "Remind me why I'm leaving you."
A.J. ran his hand absently through Howie's hair, smiling as Howie turned his head so the back of his neck was pressed into A.J.'s hand. "Because Delta Airlines sucks," stated A.J., sighing contentedly as the scent from Howie's hair overcame his senses. He had said it lightly, as if he lacked the energy to care about the airline company, but the tongues of fire that danced in his dark brown eyes when he had said it told another story.
"Oh yeah." Howie pouted. "This bites."
"As does Delta," added A.J. bitterly.
To A.J.'s disappointment, Howie pulled away. A.J., though, was stubborn. He let his arms fall around Howie's waist, locking his wrists together. He smirked at Howie's casually exasperated expression. Howie reached around his back and took A.J.'s hands into his own, sliding his fingertips from A.J.'s wrists to the middle of A.J.'s fingers before lacing their fingers together. A.J. was so caught up in his touch that he barely noticed that Howie had managed to free himself and was now holding A.J.'s hands between them, gently massaging his thumbs into A.J.'s palms.
"I'm gonna miss you," A.J. said, his scowl seeping back to his face.
Howie smiled and leaned forward, but before they could so much as touch lips, the door burst open, throwing unholy hallway light on the pair. A.J. glared at the intruder and pulled his sunglasses from his pocket, slipping them on without a word.
Howie folded his arms across his chest, facing Kevin with a slight frown. "Thanks, Kev," he said sarcastically. "Break it up when it's beginning to get good." He huffed jokingly.
A.J. draped an arm around Howie's waist, watching Kevin arch an eyebrow with contempt. "Yeah, Richardson. Care to step out into the hallway while we finish?"
Kevin rolled his eyes. "Fat chance. C'mon, we're late as it is. We don't need you two starting a make-out fest."
A.J. and Howie exchanged a "Where the hell did that come from?" look and smiled angelically at their older band mate.
"As tempting as that is, Kevin," A.J. said sweetly, "I'm afraid I have to inform you that we're not like that." He paused.
"Well, not in public at least."
Howie nodded in agreement.
Kevin snorted. "Sure, fellas."
"Come on, guys!" came Nick's blatantly decipherable whine.
"Yeah, c'mon! I want to see Leigh!" Brian chimed in.
Howie sighed. "All right, all right." He gave A.J. an apologetic look. "Sorry baby, they've got us outnumbered."
A.J. grumbled something under his breath and glared daggers at Kevin. Not that the anger would last that long. A.J. had temporary fits of his "it's not my fault so I'll blame someone else" game that always ended up in either laughter or overall humor, so his anger towards Kevin would be short-lived.
Howie nudged A.J. forward a bit with his arm and A.J. walked reluctantly out of their hotel room, sadly realizing that when he returned, it would be his, not theirs. A.J. glanced back for a few fleeting seconds, taking in every detail of the room as if he would remember the nights and days he and Howie had spent there years from now by looking long enough.
Howie shut the light off, ending A.J.'s commitment to memory and the younger man glowered at him. It lasted less than a second though, as A.J. realized all too quickly that he would be without Howie for twenty-four hours at least. It may have seemed like a trivial amount of time to some, like Brian and Kevin for example, who would have only that time to spend with their wives, but for A.J. and Howie, who were used to seeing each other every hour of every day, it was too slow and far too long. Time was never on their side. It always seemed to choose whoever they were against or became the thing they were against for some reason.
In the limousine on the way to the airport, Nick continued to try every way he knew to piss A.J. off one final time before the break. Finally, A.J. took his head off of Howie's shoulder long enough to glare ice and fire at the blonde simultaneously.
"Blondie, you flick another rubber band at me and your ass will be dragging on the highway, you got it?" he snarled, his voice edging on fury.
Howie not only heard the anger in A.J.'s voice, but felt it as well. Comfortingly, he squeezed his arm around A.J.'s waist. A moment later, A.J. smiled tensely at him and repositioned himself against Howie's shoulder. Howie sent a warning look to Nick, and the blonde took the hint that A.J. was overtired and pissed at Delta, and did not need Nick's bullshit right then and began annoying Kevin instead.
Howie took to stroking A.J.'s hair to comfort him. "It's not like we're never going to see each other again," he said softly.
A.J. snorted. Instead of words, he slid a hand into Howie's, squeezing his hand tightly. He brushed his thumb across the gold band on Howie's ring finger, smiling warmly. He groaned exaggeratedly and smashed his forehead into Howie's shoulder.
"I don't want you to gooo!" A.J. wailed, bringing the individual attentions of everyone in the limousine to he and Howie, who was rolling his eyes at the ceiling.
Kevin shook his head. "Delta has no idea they brought such misery to poor Alex by refusing to let him go in the cargo hold of the plane so he doesn't have to live a day without his boyfriend, do they?" he asked his cousin conversationally.
"I don't believe so, Kevvy," Brian agreed, nodding, straight-faced.
Nick laughed.
A.J. flipped them off. "You," he pointed to Brian, "shut up." Brian gasped in mock shock. A.J. pointed at Kevin. "You too." He glared at Nick. "You, don't start." Finally, he laid his eyes on Howie's, smiling. "You, kiss me."
Howie gave him an unimpressed look. "What do I look like to you? Your sex slave?"
A.J. smiled innocently. "That comes later, angel." He frowned. "Kiss," he ordered, pouting slightly.
Howie laughed and leaned in, catching A.J.'s lips with his own. Coughing and smirking, their band mates went back to whatever they had been doing before they had been interrupted. Howie brought his hand up to the back of A.J.'s head, running his fingertips through his downy hair. Thanks to Howie's complaint that whenever he kissed him he had to avoid A.J.'s sticky hair, A.J. had agreed to gel his hair less.
A.J. wrapped his arms around Howie's back, almost devouring Howie's mouth with a desperation he knew he would feel later. He knew very well that once he got back to the hotel, his lips would be tingling and every path Howie's fingertips took on A.J.'s skin would be seared into A.J.'s memory along with other less chaste memories, so his body would notice the absence of Howie's touch as time went on. Especially during the night, when he would be forced to sleep without Howie's arms around him…
"Ahem," interrupted Nick. "We're almost at the airport, guys." He rolled his eyes when neither of them even acknowledged his voice. Nick picked up a stray coaster and flung it at them. It hit Howie in the cheek, startling the living hell out of his band mate. Nick grinned sheepishly.
"Sorry D, I was aiming for your arm."
Howie sulked and rubbed his cheek. "For a Nintendo fanatic, your aim sucks," he growled.
A.J. shot a glare at Nick before gingerly tracing Howie's cheek with his fingertips. "You okay, angel?" he asked, eyes concerned.
Howie smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. He just scared me s'all."
A.J. once again quickly shot a scowl at the younger prankster. He left Nick to shrug to himself defensively and kissed Howie's cheek softly. After a moment, he was back to Howie's lips, the same battle they had been fighting for God only knew how long.
A.J. pulled Howie close enough so that both were breathless by the mere lack of space anywhere. Then there was the kiss. A portion of A.J.'s brain reminded him that although it was less important to him than dental floss at the moment, oxygen was in fact necessary for survival. Right now, however, Howie was the only one worth spending concentration on.
"We're here," announced Brian, sounding far too happy for either Howie or A.J.'s liking.
Once again, it was Howie that pulled away, breathless, gasping for air. As soon as he remembered how to breathe, A.J. pouted, clearly upset. "Are you trying to get rid of me?" he asked, sounding injured and still a bit lightheaded from the kiss.
Howie smiled gently and ran a gentle hand across A.J.'s face. A.J. caught his hand in his and lightly kissed his knuckles. Then he pressed Howie's hand against his lips, his eyes locked with Howie's.
"Guys, the fans are out there," Kevin warned them.
Sighing, A.J. let Howie go and they slowly, reluctantly moved away from each other.
As they walked through the terminal, A.J. spoke conversationally to Howie, ignoring the screaming girls in the background as best he could without looking like he was ignoring them. "Pop quiz," he announced.
Howie laughed. "All right, go ahead," he said. As an afterthought, he added quietly, "Just keep in mind that we're in public now and I am not answering questions about our sex life."
A.J. smirked. "Good, because I wasn't going to ask." His eyes sparkled. "I already know everything."
Howie shot him a warning look. "If someone hears you…" he began.
"Oh, let them hear, dammit," A.J. said, throwing his arms up slightly.
Howie grinned. "All right, Aje, start."
A.J. wasted no time at all. "What's the first thing you do when you get home?"
Howie shrugged his duffel bag higher onto his shoulder, without hesitation answering, "Call your cell phone."
"And if I don't answer?"
"Leave a message on the hotel phone."
A.J. smiled. "Good boy."
Howie rolled his eyes. "Oh great, you've trained me. What are you gonna do next? Teach me how to sit?"
A.J. smirked. "Like on my lap for example?"
"I swear if you keep saying stuff like that, someone'll hear you and…"
A.J. rested a hand on Howie's arm. "Damn, baby, chill. Seriously, you're freaking out over nothing. No one'll hear us, and if they do, so what?"
Howie hesitated. "You really never worry about what they think, do you, Jay?" he asked, glancing sideways at A.J.
A.J. kept his gaze ahead, not answering for a while. "Never is pretty complicated, D."
Before Howie could ask him what he meant by that, the shrieks of the fans broke loose on their ears. Kevin, Nick and Brian smiled, grateful they were being sent off with such love and admiration. A.J. and Howie smiled, but blatantly forced, at least to themselves.
A.J. knew he was being a baby by bitching about something Howie not only couldn't help, but also couldn't change. After all, he would see Howie tomorrow. Not next week or next month, but the next day.
When they had said good-bye to Nick, Brian, and Kevin, they turned to each other. They had already kissed good-bye in the limousine, so all they were left with was a short hug. A few of the fans, maybe nine or ten years old, "aww"ed and A.J. could have burst out laughing at that second. If those girls had any inkling at all of what he and Howie were when they didn't have their little nine-year-old faces plastered against the Boys' limousines or hotel rooms, he knew they wouldn't have "aww"ed. Far from it. It would have implied that they were okay with losing another two of the eligible three, leaving them with only one Backstreet Boy to stalk. And that couldn't happen. Nonono…
"I'm gonna miss you," A.J. whispered quickly.
"So'm I."
A.J. pulled back when he realized Howie wasn't going to this time. He grinned. "Go, you'll miss your flight."
Howie smirked. "I'm surprised you're not letting me."
A.J.'s grin widened. "You'll let me let you?"
Howie considered it. "Weelll-no." He laughed. "Bye Aje."
A.J. smiled. "Bye ang-Howie."
Howie shot him a warning look before he disappeared into the tunnel leading to the plane. A.J. groaned. He knew, he knew. He couldn't call Howie "angel" in public if he wanted their relationship to stay quiet. But it was difficult sometimes, and it was partially Howie's fault. After all, who was supposed to concentrate on a screeching eleven-year-old girl with black and blue ink all over her face when you had your life in front of you? Your very attractive life…with gorgeous almond brown eyes… A.J. stopped the thought before it went too far.
When he got back to their - his hotel room, A.J. realized how badly he missed Howie already, and it had been fewer than twenty minutes. How was he supposed to last another twenty-three hours and forty minutes? He buried his face into the pillow, sighing. His lips were tingling and he could still feel Howie's fingers running through his hair.
Damn that man.
<~*~>
Howie was sitting in his living room, staring at the wall when it happened. The television was on, the channel switched to HBO, but Howie wasn't paying an ounce of attention. He was too caught up in the pit in his stomach to care what HBO was showing.
At first he thought he must miss A.J. He came to the fact that, of course, he did, like crazy, but there was a deeper, more intense stabbing sensation not in his heart, but in his stomach. He tried to wrap his mind around it, but he only came to the conclusion that he was insane, hungry, tired, or lovesick.
Where was A.J.?
Then he realized what the feeling was. A.J.'s plane was late. Two hours late. Howie was about to try calling A.J.'s cell phone - maybe he was at his house or his mother's (he sometimes stopped off there first) - when his home phone rang.
He didn't know why exactly, but he turned the television off and took the long way to his bedroom. He figured he was trying to postpone the call. But why would he want to do that? It might be A.J. Thinking of the possibility, Howie picked up the phone quickly and said, "Hello? A.J.?"
He cursed whatever insanity had grabbed hold of his voice. What was he, crazy? He had glared at A.J. for almost calling him "angel" in public and here he was, voice desperate as he prayed it was his undisclosed lover.
But he didn't hear A.J. laugh at him and jokingly reprimand him for sounding so urgent. Instead, he heard a woman's voice: Denise, A.J.'s mother. "H-Howard?" She had been crying, Howie could hear it in her voice.
Howie's chest filled with cotton. "Denise? Denise, what's wrong?" he asked quickly. He felt his heart began to fill his throat and pulse there.
Denise held back a sob. "He's gone, Howard. He's gone."
Howie blinked. "Who? Denise, what are you talking about?"
"Alex's flight, he…it…the plane crashed… The left wing broke off. It crashed somewhere off the coast. He-he didn't survive, Howard… They found his body…"
But Howie didn't hear where they found A.J.'s body. All he heard was the swirling and rushing of blood in his head. Dead? A.J.? His Alex? No… NO!
<~*~>