I Could Fall In Love With You
"I could lose my heart tonight
If you don't turn and walk away
Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
I could take you in my arms
And never let go"
I wonder if he even realizes the way his closeness affects me.
We've been friends ... no ... brothers for what seems like forever. Honestly, I'm shocked that he just said what he did. It makes everything so different now ... knowing that he feels the same way I do.
Kevin Scott Richardson; 'Mr. Body of a Greek God' himself just told me he wants me. He stood there, looked me dead in the eyes, and said it. Talk about throwing someone for a loop.
I thought he was coming here to kick my ass for being such a shithead these past few weeks.
"I Could Fall In Love With You
I Could fall In Love With You"
How am I supposed to react to this?
Me?
The short one, with big teeth?
The one who everyone always finds something to laugh about....
The only one of us who's ever been referred to as "the troll."
I think Kev must've bumped his head or somethin.
What's even more amazing is that he had the balls to just come out and say it like that. I'm standing here waiting for him to start yelling at me, like he does so often these days, and he hits me with this?
"I could only wonder how
Touching you would make me feel
But if I take that chance right now
Tomorrow will you want me still
So should I keep this to myself
And never let you know"
So here I am now. Standing here staring into his fathomless green eyes, debating.
The man personifies perfection, no question about that. He says that he wants to stay here tonight ... with me. Then he kissed me, nothing too sloppy just testing out the waters I guess.
Hmmmm... when I think back those few seconds to that kiss, the way his lips felt against mine, I wonder if maybe him staying wouldn't be such a bad idea. I'm just worried because he can be so cruel sometimes ... maybe this is just a joke ... maybe he's just here cause he needs to get laid ... I don't know if I could bear to see mocking in those eyes of his tomorrow.
But look at him. How he towers over me, that spark of desire I see in his eyes, the way his chest is heaving from that kiss.
Looking kinda makes me wanna reach under his shirt, just to see if his heart's pounding the way mine is. Maybe he'll hurt me later ... maybe he'll break my heart ...
"I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you"
I dunno.
I do know that if I let him stay here tonight then I'll never be able to shake this thing that would be left between us. Every time I'm with someone I'll want them to be him. It'll make the hold that he has over me even stronger and I'll never be able to shake it.
Right now it's not so bad I can't get over it with time... Time, all this time and I never even guessed.
"And I know it's not right
And I guess I should try to do what I should do
But I could fall in love
Fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you"
In reality I know that I should remind him that he has a wife and I know that he and I really don't have much of a chance.
But when I think about how long I've dreamed of him coming to me ... the squeaky voiced neat freak that he used to share a room with. The one who never left his side while Brian was in the hospital.
I guess my feelings may not have been as well disguised as I thought. So now I'm starting to get scared that 'not much of a chance' may be the only chance I'll get. If I let him leave here tonight, I know he'll never come back. That's just him, you get one offer, and if you don't take it then he moves on.
What scares me about that is that I may never find anyone who'll give me all the things I know Kev can. No one who I'll love the way I know I could love him. Even if it's only for a short while
Siempre estoy sonada a ti (I always dream about you)
Basandos mis labios acariciando me piel (Kissing my lips, caressing my skin)
Abrazadome con ansinias locas (Embracing me with crazy desire)
Imaginando que me amos (I imagine this my love)
Como yo podio amar a ti ( I'd like to love you)
So many nights I dreamt about us together, nothing explicit of course. Just laying in his arms, touching his hair, stealing kisses while he sleeps. It's becoming harder to think of turning him away.
He's staring at me intently now. He does that a lot lately. I've felt that concentrated gaze on me a hundred thousand times tonight and I now know why.
This has been slowly building these past few months. He's gone from being openly hostile over petty shit to staring me down all the time. So when he asked if he could come here tonight so we could talk about whatever it is, I agreed.
I've done my fair share in all of this, bitching at him over bullshit, making snide remarks if he breathes too hard.
"So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know"
Now it's out.
The proverbial cards are on the table.
The ball is in my court as Brian would say.
I'm the one left with a decision that could possibly ruin everything that we've all worked for. Through all the shit with Lou, Brian's surgery, Caroline's death, Bri and Kev's marriages, AJ's problems and everything else we've overcome.
How could I even think of being that selfish?
The rest of the guys don't deserve the backlash that would come if anything happened here tonight. From the look in his eyes right now, I can tell that tonight just wouldn't be enough for either of us.
God! It would be so easy to say just for one night.
It could never be that way though.
Because I'd be lost and seeing him with Kristin would hurt so much more then. So I'm going to try to say this using all the logic I have in this brain of mine. Maybe it'll make more sense to him than it does to me.
I really hope I can do this without crying.
Maybe in another time ...
another place ...
a different situation.
"I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love
I could fall in love With you ..."
Four Seasons of Loneliness
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