Chapter 16
~~Empty Words~~
Aadriana had Howie back to himself again long before it was time for his meeting.
Between the two of them they decided it was better that she just take him to his parent's house so that he could pick up his car and after he made her breakfast that's what they did.
As promised he had no semblance of a hangover; much to his surprise and that of the rest of the guys. After she was done with him she returned home and put in a call to her own parents and was reminded why she'd moved eight to ten hours away to begin with.
She decided to spend the day relaxing and doing laundry. It was early evening when she answered a ring at the door to find a bouquet of assorted flowers lying on her welcome mat. She easily recognized the orchids, lilies and lavender but she had no clue what the rest were. She brought the flowers in and put them in a vase, then she read the card that was attached.
"Sorry if I behaved like an ass. Thanks for taking such good care of me. Your patients are very lucky to have you and so am I. Love, Your Drunk Diva"
A smile crossed her face when she got to the "drunk diva" part. She wasn't sure he'd even heard her say that. She smiled and hummed to herself as she set about cooking dinner for herself and her pets. The telephone rang just as she finished cleaning up her mess.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Angel it's me."
"Jason? Where's Darrien? Can I talk to him?"
"He's not here. I was just calling to see where you were last night. He tried to reach you and you weren't there."
"Yeah, I went out with some friends." She smiled wryly over the use of the word friend in relation to Kevin, "So when can I see him?"
"You can't. You're stupid but you couldn't have forgotten that," he replied cruelly.
"Jason, he's my son too. I have a right to-" He cut her off speaking slowly as one would to a small child,
"You have no rights. None. I have him, I have all the rights. Don't get upset though, sweetheart it's nothing personal. You know what they say about possession being nine-tenths of the law. I have the law on my side ... who do you have on yours? No one. You're never gonna get him back Angel, just accept that, and I suggest that the next time I'm feeling charitable enough to let him call, you have your ass at home."
"Why don't you at least give me your number so I can call him. I just want to hear his voice, to hear him say he still knows who I am."
"No sweetie, it doesn't work that way. Stop partying so much and stay home some time, you just might get to talk to him."
"How am I supposed to know when you're going to let him call. I can't just sit by the phone all day... I have to work don't I? Jase, please Let me call him, I haven't spoken to my son in over 6 months. I need -," she stopped there choking on the tears that were now flowing freely down her face.
"No, and don't think that that crying shit is gonna change my mind. He won't call you during work hours and that's from nine to five, that's the only concession you're gonna get."
"You know that my schedule changes every month. Sometimes I don't work the day shift. Please, stop doing this let me see him, call him something. I'm his mother for Christ's sake."
"My son doesn't have a mother," he said laughing.
The next sound she heard was that of the connection being severed. With shaking hands she cradled the telephone, before sinking to the floor.
"He can't keep doing this. He can't. Overtime I start to feel like things are getting better. Everytime something nice happens... everytime. I can't keep doing this... I can't," she yelled into the empty kitchen.
She sat for a while, trying to figure out what to do next. Finally she got up and pulled out her keyboard. She began tapping out a melody that was floating around in her head. Having never learned to play the piano that was all she used the instrument for. When she finally gave up and went to bed she was halfway through the arrangement, and the lyrics were slowly working their way up in her mind.
She took a shower and fell into a fitful sleep only to wake long before her alarm went off. she used that time to write out the lyrics to the song before preparing herself for work.
After work every day that week she spent close to the telephone willing it to ring.
Everyday Howie either called, or stopped by to see if she wanted to go out. After a weeks worth of recording he was looking forward to their ritual ride on Saturday morning.
He wondered if he should tell Kevin to be there this time. He'd noticed that whenever one name was mentioned in the others presence the tension grew to enormous proportions.
He'd mentioned to the guys that he was going by her house before going home and Kevin's good mood would vanish, he'd instantly get snippy about everything they did for the remainder of the day.
He'd told Aadriana that Kevin's new song was turning out to be his greatest ever, to which she'd replied, "How very nice for him," then she'd gone to change the kitty litter, he didn't need a road map to see what she was implying.
It was his hope was that the things they had in common would help them overcome their differences. It was only after the fourth night of her refusing to go out with him he got concerned. He called her from the studio seeing no harm in trying again.
"Anee, let's go out and get something to eat or something."
"That's okay I'm cooking tonight. Maybe some other time," she said vaguely. As an afterthought she added," You're welcome to join me though."
"Sure, that sounds great. What're you cooking?" She hadn't thought he was going to agree, she'd actually been hoping he wouldn't. The offer had been made and accepted however so reluctantly she rattled off her planned menu. "Lemon pepper chicken breasts, black eyed peas, rice, corn on the cob, and baby carrots. I hadn't planned on dessert ... sorry."
"It's okay. Why don't we go to that coffee place and get some tiramisu after?"
She pretended to think about it, knowing she wasn't going to. "Um, as much as I love tiramisu, I'll have to pass. I have a cappuccino machine here though if you're wanting that. It makes espresso too I think," she said attempting to sound repentant.
"How about I just pick up dessert on my way over and bring it with me," he said sighing his disappointment. In the background she could hear what sounded like AJ and Nick teasing him.
"Do you have any idea how many calories are in tiramisu?"
"I know, Bone. Just the though of all that cream and I gain ten pounds."
"What's going on with them," she asked.
"Nothing. Just doing their best to drive me crazy per usual," he said with an exasperated sigh. She laughed lightly.
"Well, tell them I said hi and keep up the good work."
"Anee says 'hi' you jerks," he said.
She heard distant replies of "Hey beautiful" and "Whassup girl."
"Anyway. So what time should I come over. We'll be done here in about 30 minutes."
"You can come as soon as you're done, I guess. It won't take long for everything to get done."
"Okay. Well, Kevin's glaring at me so I gotta go. See you in a few."
"Later," she said rolling her eyes.
She put down the phone and went through her CD's until she came across one that well suited her mellow mood. She smiled to herself in anticipation of his reaction if it was still playing when he got there. As the music started she put it on repeat to insure that it was. It was a live version of Journey's greatest hits.
Just as the guitar solo in "Faithfully" began the telephone rang again.
"Yes?"
"What kind of way is that to answer a phone? Nevermind that. What kind of drinks do you have there?"
"Hunh? Oh, I have some sodas and I have tequila, Jack and an unopened bottle of Lambrusco I think. Why?"
"Just wondering... What the hell are you listening to it sounds vaguely familiar. Gimme a sec Kev, damn!"
She couldn't hear the conversation on the other end but figure it was safe to assume that Kevin wasn't pleased about having their session interrupted.
"It should sound familiar it's Journey," she said not caring how Kevin felt.
"Oh no! Not you too. I get enough of that crap from Nicky. It's kinda sick to think that you own something by Journey."
In the background she could hear Nick's indignant question, " what's wrong with Journey?"
And Kevin's, "Howard, we are wasting valuable time and that means money here. You can talk to that girl later. Right now we need to get this track finished. So get off the damned phone!"
"I'm getting off now Kev, geez, " Howie said his voice strained with irritation.
"Anee? Look I'll be there as son as I'm done here. Rest assured I don't wanna stay here with him any longer than I have to while he's channeling Hitler," he said loudly enough to ensure that the "him" in question heard him.
"Yeah, just get the song finished and we'll talk when you get here," she said.
"Later"
"Bye," she said into the phone.
As soon as she heard the connection close she began muttering to herself, "Prick. Kevin really needs an attitude adjustment, that Ex Lax pudding AJ mentioned would certainly be a step in the right direction." Not three full minutes later the phone rang again.
She picked it up and said, "Howard, whatever it is, it can't be worth the shit you're getting ready to start with 'Mr. Head Up His Ass'. Just tell me when you get here."
"Who the fuck is Howard and you need to watch your filthy fucking mouth," the person said. It definitely was not Howie.
"Hi Jason. I thought you were someone else. Is Darrien around?"
"Yes, but you don't think I'm going to let him talk to you after the language you just used. You could be an improper influence and we can't have that now can we? So who the hell is this Howard and what is he doing coming to your house?"
"That's really none of your business, but he's just a friend coming over for dinner," she said trying to keep her temper in check.
"Well, in any case it's not a good idea for you to be entertaining men in your home let alone at night. Are you fucking him or something? You are aren't you? Just how long has this shit been going on?"
"Jason, the last time I checked I was a grown woman and a single one at that. It's no one's concern but my own who comes and goes here, since I'm the one paying all the bills. And furthermore my love life stopped being anything you need to worry over long ago if I recall correctly. So," she said pausing for emphasis," if you didn't call to let me speak to my son then please get to the point of you calling at all."
"Don't-rush-me," he said through gritted teeth, "just because your playing whore for someone else now you think you get to talk to me like I'm nobody, is that it? Fine, fuck it, you can either apologize or give up any chance of talking to my son ever again," he finished smugly.
She knew he was trying to get her to either breakdown or lose the tight reign she had on her temper, but she refused to give him the satisfaction. She took a deep breath to calm herself and said very carefully, "I'm sorry if you didn't like the way I said it, but the truth is unpleasant sometimes. So, if you didn't want anything else I'm hanging up now. Be so kind as to tell my son that his mother loves him and he's in her thoughts."
"Yeah well, I just wanted you to know that Darrien is going to visit my grandmother in Nashville next week because I have to go out of town on business. Don't waste your time trying to call because I made sure she got her numbers changed," he added with malicious glee.
"Whatever I hope you realize that all of this shit you're putting me through is going to come back on you. I just hope to be a fly on the wall when you get yours," she said her words dripping venom.
"Nothing's going to happen to me ... and as long as you get rid of your little boyfriend nothing will happen to you," he said leaving the threat hanging.
"You know what? I'm hanging up. I have nothing more to say to you. Enjoy your trip good-bye," she said regaining control of the conversation.
"Who the hell do you think you are? Do you know who you're talking to? I don't know what the hell has gotten into you. You never talked to me like this before and I'll be damned if you're gonna to start now! Get rid of this guy whoever he is I mean it Angel, or you'll be sorry," he raged furiously.
"No sorrier than I already am, Jase. I'm sorry I ever met you. Sorry that I ever fell for your crap and more sorry that I ever let you touch me. It's completely impossible for me to feel any more sorry than I do right now so your weak threats mean less than nothing to me," she yelled.
Before he could form a response she hung up the telephone. She stood there staring at it willing the tears that wanted to fall to dry up.
She finished cooking while chanting her mantra of "I'll be fine ... it'll be fine... I'm not the same person I was before... I'll be fine."
She was finally calm when Howie rang the doorbell while he walked in the door. It had become his habit to open the door first then ring the bell as he came in.
"Smells good in here. Can I turn that off, I've had enough singing for one day."
When she didn't reply he turned off the stereo and began putting away the things he brought with him.
"How'd it go," she asked and immediately cleared her throat noticing how strained her voice sounded.
"Oh, it went well I guess. Like it's been going, Kev's got another one of his instrumental deals going and of course he's driving us crazy for lyrics and then rejecting them all. You know the usual. I'm just glad this week is over," he said pouring a glass of wine for them both.
When she reached for the glass she saw that her hand was shaking," Calm down," she thought, "just take a few deep breaths and chuck that whole mess in a ditch til. Jason's an asshole he likes tormenting you. You can't let it ruin your fun then he wins. And he can't win" She said the last part aloud, unknowingly, and only realized it when Howie corrected her,
" No, we can't win. There's just no pleasing him these days. But enough shop talk. How're you doing? You really haven't had time for me this week, things been busy at the hospital?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary. No shop talk for me either. Are you hungry? Everything is done if you wanna eat," she said quickly.
"What I want is to know why you're acting like I've grown two heads all of a sudden," he said softly. She squirmed under his close scrutiny and the attempted to joke,
"It could be a side effect from drinking with shit weasels."
"Alex has been using that exact same phrase lately, what is it like some inside joke or something," he asked eyeing her suspiciously,
"Also he's reading some kind of Indian book, what's up with that?" His suspicion quickly turned to confusion when all the tension left her face and she broke into giggles.
"He bought the book then. And it's not about Indians it's about aliens. You seriously don't remember?"
"Uh no. Should I?" She laughed again at his bewildered expression.
"Maybe you should borrow it when he's done. After you read it your assignment is to compare the shit weasels in the story to your drinking buddies from last weekend and note the similarities."
"Is this about me drinking with Justin and Lance?"
"Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner! And now for the bonus round," she teased still laughing.
"Ha ha ha," he said dryly, "can we eat now?"
"Sure, whatever, but I cooked so you have KP," she said with a wink.
"K-P?"
"Uh hunh. You know like galley duty"
"Galley-Duty," he repeated slowly clearly not understanding.
"Did Nick come in here when I wasn't looking," she asked putting on a serious expression.
"Anee, what the hell are you talking about?"
"You have to do the dishes, brainiac," she said with an indulgent shake of her head.
"And what exactly does Nicky have to do with that?"
"Nevermind dear, "she said patting his head lightly,
" Just eat, be pretty and try not to think to hard you might hurt yourself."
That said she got up and out of the kitchen before he realized he'd been insulted.
"Oh you are so gonna pay for that. Just wait I owe you one now and I never leave my debts unpaid. She couldn't resist coming back to taunt him,
"I'm quaking in my boots ... please don't hurt me!"
"Keep it up. You're just digging yourself in deeper with every word," he said as he began to eat.
"I do declare, I may just expire of sheer fright," she said doing her best southern belle impression. She fell against the door frame dramatically and continued, "You kin murdah mah famleh, you can ravish mah bodeh, but please don't destroy mah plantashun!"
"Scarlett, don't quit your day job, cause frankly mah deah you can't act worth a damn," he finished in his best Clark Gable.
They stared at each other incredulously before bursting into laughter. She laughed until tears were streaming down her cheeks. Then she looked and saw that through all of it he's managed to continue eating and that struck her as funny and she began to laugh hysterically all over again.
He raised an eyebrow quizzically and proceeded to shove a forkful of food into her mouth. "You haven't touched your food, now quit giggling like a lunatic and eat."
She saluted him mockingly and made an earnest attempt to eat. The conversation with Jason had ruined what little appetite she might have had though, so it wasn't five minutes later she pushed the plate away announcing that she was no longer hungry.
"Anee, you didn't eat half of what was there, which wasn't all that much to begin with. I've seen the crumbsnatcher crew eat more than that. What's going on? I mean you cook but you don't eat. Come to think of it you rarely eat. You eat like fruit for breakfast, if that, you skip lunch and then you pick over you dinner are you like anorexic or something," he asked his voice heavy with concern.
She shrugged, forced a smile and said, " I'm not anorexic, I'm not bulemic, I don't have an eating disorder of any kind. If you want you can call my mother and she'll tell you I've been like this since long before Darrien was born. Actually, now that I think about it that was the only time I recall eating regularly. You can look at me and see I'm not suffering for it. I eat until I'm not hungry and more and then I stop," she said without meeting his gaze.
He watched her in silence before he sighed shaking his head, he followed the gesture with an earnest look.
"What is really going on? Seriously, I thought we'd established that you can talk to me. You've pretty much avoided me all week. I had to practically invite myself to dinner and you were all strange when I got here, then you start laughing like you'd lost your mind and I had to force you to stop. Now, you don't wanna eat ... and why won't you look at me?"
He punctuated the last part by turning her head so that she was looking directly at him. She immediately lowered her eyes.
"Everything is fine, " she said softly, "I'm fine, nothing's wrong. Do you want another drink? I could use something stronger myself." As she refilled his glass she retrieved the bottle of tequila for herself.
When he didn't acknowledge her gesture she shrugged, sat down, and poured herself two fingers of the liquor.
"Hey," he said after watching her intently for endless minutes," if there is something bothering you; and I know you say there's not, but if there is, you can tell me. I recall you saying that the majority of your problems before were due to the fact that you weren't keeping everything inside. I know about that because I do it myself. You can't hold everything in or try to handle it all by yourself. It just builds up and eventually it's gonna come out on it's own. Is that what you want? To lose everything you've worked so hard for and any chance of getting your son back all because you lost it and flipped out one day cause someone put onions on your cheeseburger? Whatever it is can't be worth all that."
She looked at him, studying the tilt of his head, the sincere concern in his eyes. It was then that she realized that other than herself she hadn't been talking to anyone for the most part. At work of course she spoke to people and she tried to be pleasant when he called, but she tended to keep the conversation as light as possible. All the stress of working 10 hours a day, plus the overtime she'd been doing lately to keep herself busy, and the excess of Jason harassing her, had been getting to her and she was retreating. As she thought about all of this he continued,
"Look, I don't know what's going through your head right now. I just don't want to see you turn back into the person you told me you were before. I'm not claiming that I can fix any of it but, we both know it'll do you some good to just let it out. I'm offering to be your sounding board. Come on I though we were friends if not more than that... You can jump in at anytime here, babe. I'm not talking cause I like to hear myself speak, although I've been told-," He let the words trail off there and shot her a grin followed by a quick wink. She smirked at his attempted joke and said,
"We'll talk after you bust those suds soldier."
"Excuse me? You had a dishwasher last time I checked." "You know exactly what I meant and pretending to channel Nick is not getting you anywhere. I'll even put the food away for you."
"You're not gonna let me outta this are you?" She pretended to consider his request only to give him a serious look and reply,
"You have as much of a chance of getting out of doing those dishes as I have of going to sleep without dumping all my shit on you. So you tell me how likely is that?"
"So what you're saying is it's not gonna happen."
"Does this happen to you often?"
"You lost me there, what happened?"
"Nick taking over your brain, and rendering you senseless. That's like the third time in the last hour you pulled a Nicky on me."
"What do you mean pulled a Nicky?"
"It's a joke that some of my friends and I have. You know how he sometimes just goes blonde all of a sudden?"
When he nodded she started to walk away and tossed over her shoulder, "Well, I'm starting to think you need to check your roots."
"Okay, so that's two now I owe you. You're just running a tab now aren't ya? Well, just know I'm keeping count and you know what they say, 'revenge is a dish best served cold'. So watch your back."
Before she could come up with a proper response the telephone rang. As she walked to answer it an overwhelming sense of dread washed over her.