| Interlude Read Chapter 3 �What�s the address again?� Asked Lily. I rummaged in my bag noting, with interest that a lot of strange stuff was in there, most of which I�d never seen before. I found the scrap of paper under a large sword and some evil smelling herbs. �Lily, have you been planting magic weapons on me?� �No.� �Bloody squirrels.� �Is the astro-proverb chart ok?� said Lily, with more than the normal amount of concern for such things. �For some reason, yes.� I replied, �and the address is in the middle of the countryside.� �The what?� �It�s this kind of � thing. Where bits of the world that aren�t London are mostly this, countryside. It�s hard to explain.� I said. �Weird.� Said Lily, ever a city dweller. �We should go and find this guy, anyway.� I had a fairly long list of reasons why we shouldn�t enter the one part of the world that we couldn�t ask directions in on the recommendation of a woman who had offered Lily marriage to her son. I was about to embark on the difficult task of getting them trough to my friend. I was interrupted by a shriek. �Oh my Gods! Look, they�re actually real!� We both spun round to see a crowd of people emerging from a bookshop. �I�ve been telling you that for years.� Said another one, who looked like her fingers had been made expressly to strangle things with. I looked at her nametag. � �Lady Jonathon�?� I asked. She ignored me. �It�s a costume.� A cynical-looking, impish girl said, to anyone who was listening. She was also sporting a nametag. � �Zonino�,� Lily read, �Now, that can�t be your real name.� Looking around, I noticed that they were all wearing nametags. Something horrible started to dawn on me. �What�s its name?� shouted �Effti�. �Elizabeth.� I told her. A ripple of indulgent laughter rose through them, as if I was a popular person who�d told a rather weak joke. I caught snatches of things like �Good one�� and �Lizzie the elf, that�s great�� �Who cares what it�s called, let�s kidnap it!� exclaimed �Zonino�. �You just like kidnapping things.� Said �LorienGaladriel�. Either they were all shop-assistants� or � �We could torture Legolas� address out of it!� interrupted �Lady Jonathon�, whose eyes had lit up like glo-stiks and was smiling most disturbingly. There were several cries of �yeah� and �good idea�. � it hit me. �Lily,� I whispered, in horror, �this is a web community!� �Good grief, the goat!� she shouted in reply. I spun round to see two of them making off with the goat carried between them. I sprang after them, drawing my new sword. Despite the fact that they were halfway down the road, I found myself blocking their path but had little time to worry about my powers of translocation. I pointed the sword at one of them. �Put down the goat.� I said, quietly. She dropped it. �Alright,� I looked at her label, �Bluekewlgirl882, step back slowly.� She did. I looked at her and her companion, who I recognised as LorienGaladriel and wondered vaguely why I was bothering to rescue the goat from these people. I also wondered why they�d bothered to steal it. I decided not to ask either question because I didn�t particularly want to know the answer to either. �This is probably a magic sword,� I went on, �so �� my inner self had a bet with itself as to where this sentence was going to end. �So take heed and � and � give up the life of goat thief! It�s a dangerous road, my friends, and full of fellow goat thieves. In fact, not just goat thieves, all kind of farm animal stealers. You never know what might happen when you mess with a cow thief. And chicken lifters! Who knows what they get up to, besides lifting chickens. You want to find a nice safe job, like criminal mastermind. No funny stuff there. No siree!� I nodded and walked off. Lily handed me my bag. �I think you out-wierded them this time. But next time might not be so lucky, we�d better get out of here. The impish one�s more dangerous than we thought.� �You said it. Wouldn�t want to be stuck on a watermelon farm with her!� I replied, �Make some sandwiches, we�re going to the countryside. I�ve had it up to here with this elf-buisness.� Read Chapter 4 Back to fiction |