PART I: First Thoughts
In the wee hours of the morning, when you can't get to sleep, though you have to, lest insanity swallow you right then and there, you begin to let your mind wander... And, oh, is wandering such a dangerous thing! The pitch black of restless night air isn't so black anymore ... The white walls begin to sway and moan, moan and creak, creak and bellow, and it all falls in on top of you lying there in your lonely bed... You toss, you turn, you cry and scream but the emptiness of the house is your only salvation, thus you learn to wallow in it. Ebony demons dance to and fro outside your window, betraying the wind, outlined by the faint glow cast of the sidewalk lights. Whispers ebb and flow, bouncing around madly in the passages of your mind, some playing to the devil, some playing the angel, all urging you to scream until your very throat bleeds, begging you to stop... But you don't.
And just when thankful unconsciousness tugs at the edges of your damned vision, and you close your eyes, surrendering your senses to the will of your untamed mind... the nightmares start. Oh, the screaming... embedding itself in your memory with its piercing wails, the torture, the blood, crying, sobbing ...! All this is everything but welcomed into your already cursed soul, dying and bleeding into your own dreams. Pitiful insanity drowns out your cries for a savior, for a religion to act as a lifesaver... When it is nothing but a fa�ade to soften death. Ha! But death is what makes every human equal; when He comes down from the heavens adorned in black silk, unyielding silk, key to the gates of Hell roped around His neck and black wings stretched wide, and He calms the screaming and stops the bleeding, an unexpected friend from this endless insanity.
Death cares to claim you and finds you abandoned, as is everyone, albeit by themselves or their masters. Ode to Death, my friend, Chorale of Insanity, Nightmare Symphony in Bb! Sweet songs to lull the restless mind, to dull the painful soul, to heal the tortured body. For in this deep, insane existence, you've formed an alliance with the shadows in your home, your house and your life; you've bid farewell to the reality that had lost you to this Hell and made your home in the small world left over. Alone yet not alone; awake yet asleep; guilty yet innocent; tortured yet calm. All is a paradox and all is blended into one, sweet melody... |
