| Well, I got part of the way through that saga last night... more to come, as I feel like it. I stopped writing when my Cryogen came home from work. It seems I can only do this when I'm alone. Funny, I asked him read what I had begun to criticize my form (not necessarily content), and he said nothing at all... I don't know whether to assume he thinks it to be terrible, or he just didn't have anything to say. Regardless, off I go...
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| Since I'd been so idle yesterday, I was just about bursting with energy by the time Cryogen came home. He took me out drinking, which was exactly what I wanted to do (both be drunk and get out). He's really very good to me that way - if there's anything I want to do, he's willing to accomodate me. I'm so lucky, not just for this, but for the many things he is and everything he does for me. Not a day goes by that I have forgotten this, and I hope I never do. |
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| There's been an interesting phenonmenon going on between us lately... I don't know what to attribute it to, but I'm certainly enjoying the experience. Since we've been together, our sex life has always been fantastic (to say the least). Cryogen is one of the most sensual, erotic men I have ever met, and certainly the most incredible man I have ever been with. Sex is such an important part of his life...so much so, that if I am unwilling to make love for a few days, he becomes morose and withdrawn.
For the past several days, it seems we've almost become compulsive lovers, ravishing each other's bodies at every available opportunity. We can't be near each other without touching, kissing, teasing one another. We make love two, sometimes three times a day if there's time, so much so that we're hurting our bodies but can't seem to stop. One would think that eventually, we would be satiated and tired of the experience temporarily, but it seems to work in the opposite direction. The more he makes love to me, the more I crave him. I can be far from aroused until he touches me just once, or he softly kisses me with his beautiful mouth, and all I can think of is fucking him wherever we are. It is the same for him... it seems impossible that any man could sustain an erection that many times a day, but he does. He responds to my body the way mine responds to his. Finally, last night, he had come so many times in the last few days that he was entirely drained and unable to orgasm (of course, that didn't stop him from fucking me madly for the longest time). His body is finally demanding a break (much to his disappointment, but naturally to be expected), and I'm left to wonder what happens next.
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| As wonderful as it is to be with someone who constantly inflames me, I could still imagine a life with him without sex. When I am with him I not only experience a tremendous physical attraction, but an emotional one as well. It makes me infinitely happy just to hold him, talk with him, laugh with him... just to be near him. I find it hard to describe the depth of my feeling for him - if I were to lose him now, I would feel lost. I feel like I have found my partner for life. I cannot imagine anything that could change how I feel for him, or anything that would come between us. I would give up anything for him.
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| I just finished re-reading Anais Nin's Henry and June. I couldn't help but make comparisons throughout between Anais and her lovers and Cryogen and me. Cryogen is my Hugo and my Eduardo and my Henry all in one person. Hugo is emotional, faithful, loving, tender, naive, and kind, as is my Cryogen. Eduardo is beautiful and cultured, as is my Cryogen. Henry is passionate, sensual, capable of the wildest abandon, with a hatred for conformity but the strongest need for it, as is my Cryogen. Anais considered herself lucky to have all three men to enrich her life - I have them all in one man! I used to believe that no one person could ever fulfill so many of my needs, be all these things to me. I believed that I would always be unfaithful, so that my life could be more rich. Now I want no one but him... I cannot imagine even feeling desire for another man. No one can do for me what Remi does. Looking elsewhere would be pointless. Me, monogamous by choice! I would even give up women for him. |
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| -lysergia, october 1997 |
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