| a loving, supportive family is like a warm, furry, luxurious coat. you grow up dragging it around everywhere, using it for comfort and safety. it probably won't be winter your whole life, but it's sure good to know that your furry coat is still hanging there when the cold winds begin to blow. and best of all, your coat grows with you, so that no matter how big you get your coat still fits. |
| when i was born, fate handed me a coat that wasn't suited to the climate i would live in. where i grew up, it was cold almost all the time. instead of being thick and furry, mine was a sensible hand-me-down wool coat that didn't really fit but probably cost someone a fair penny. it was itchy and it was hard to move my arms around whenever i put it on. the wind blew inside the collar and there were holes in the pockets (but nobody could see those so it was okay). it had shiny buttons that made people say "wow, you're so lucky to have such an expensive coat". |
| sometimes i would complain about my coat. i saw coats on television that were warm and furry and beautiful and fit properly, and i wanted one like that. but i was always told that there was nothing wrong with the coat i already had. i was told that there were lots of people who didn't have coats at all, and that i should be grateful for my coat. i was told that my coat WAS warm, it just didn't look like it (that's all). i was told that if i was still cold, then maybe i was just being whiny. |
| so i became satisfied with my coat. and i met people with coats that were even itchier and colder and sometimes not even pretty. i decided that i really should be grateful and not whiny. i got used to being cold and itchy and restricted. after awhile i didn't even notice. |
| when i got older, i put my coat away for a little while. when i missed having a coat, i took it out and tried it on. it seemed so much smaller than i remembered, and there were buttons missing and holes under the arms. i felt sad for having neglected my poor coat, so i tried to fix it. i sewed the buttons back on and made patches for the holes. my coat would look great for a day or two (although it still didn't fit), but then the alterations would fall off again. so i would repair it again and again, each time thinking i wasn't a very good seamstress. |
| i finally confessed that i just didn't think i would ever be able to fix this coat. i bought some books about coats, just in case there was a way to fix it that i hadn't thought of yet. i was shocked to read what the coat experts had to say: |
| Coats can never be altered to fit the wearer. The wearer must accept the coat in its natural state or reject the coat in favor of another garment. This is a decision that should be made with full awareness of the consequences in either case. The receiver of a coat does not choose the style, model, or manufacturer, and therefore is not responsible for the general usefulness or wearability of the coat he/she receives. The appearance and longevity of the coat can be affected to some degree by the user: for example, keeping your coat away from open flame or excessive dirt. Any other attempts at modification of the coat will not result in permanent alteration and may induce frustration and resentment in the wearer. |
| i was crushed to discover that my coat would always be exactly the way it was, no matter what i did to fix it. |
| i kept putting my coat on anyway. every time i wore it, it felt smaller and tighter. i kept noticing holes and frayed edges that i had ever seen before. i started to think "hey, wait a minute, this coat really isn't very warm after all. and it isn't comfortable either, and it didn't even grow with me." i started to wonder why i kept putting this coat on, so i tried putting it in the closet. but then every time a cold wind came, i thought about my coat and felt guilty. after all, i had owned this coat for my whole life, and it was still there. so i would repeat the pattern again. |
| i've been wondering what life without a coat would be like. i know that there are other ways to keep warm, like wearing a jacket or a sweater. there are people that seem happy to bundle up in a few sweaters and face the snow. why do you suppose that is? is it because they got to choose the sweaters? do they not miss their coats so much? what happened to their coats once they got rid of them? |
| i'm sad because i know that it's time to put my coat away. once upon a time, i could not have survived without my coat. but i'm too big for a coat like this one now. my arms hurt and i can't breathe properly when i put it on. i just wish i could forget about the coat now, but i can't. i really do love my coat, even though it can't keep me warm or comfortable or hold my belongings safely. i love it because it's mine, and because i have always had it. i love it because it really was better than having no coat at all. |
| maybe one day i'll be able to take my coat out and look at it sometimes without feeling the need to put it on and make myself uncomfortable again. maybe i will be able to appreciate it for what it is: an itchy wooly holey coat with shiny buttons. Maybe that will happen when i don't need it anymore. |
| i think i know a few sweaters i could wear instead. i hope my sweaters will last longer. |
From in the shadow she calls
And in the shadow she finds a way finds a way
And in the shadow she crawls
Clutching her faded photograph my image under her thumb
Yes with a message for my heart
Yes with a message for my heart
She's been everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
And in the doorway they stay
And laugh as violins fill with water
Screams from the bluebells can't make them go away
We'll I'm not seventeen but I've cuts on my knees
Falling down as the winter takes one more cherry tree
She's been everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Rushin' rivers thread so thin limitation
Dreams with the flying pigs turbid blue and the drugstores too safe in
Their coats anda in their do's yeah
Smother in our hearts a pillow to my dots
Everyone else's girl maybe one day maybe one day one day
One day she'll be her own
And in the mist there she rides
And castles are burning in my heart
And as I twist I hold tight
And I ride to work every morning wondering why
"Sit in the chair and be good now"
And become all that they told you
The white coats enter her room
And I'm callin' my baby callin' my baby callin' my baby callin'
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
- Tori Amos, Girl
