�Yeah.�

�What?�

�It�s just like I said.� Chris� voice sounded tired and worried.

�What the fuck?�

�Look, don�t go getting pissed of at me, Fatone. I just found out too.�

Joey clenched the receiver until his hand hurt. He tried to breathe calmly. Exhale comes after inhale. Calm. �How come no one told us?� Joey asked in a controlled voice. Calm. �How come no one fucking told us?�

�I dunno. Somehow word got to management, not until after it happened though, and they called Justin. Justin called me, and here we are right now.� Chris sounded like he was fidgeting. Not that Joey heard any noise in the background. It�s just that Chris sounded worried and hyped up and nervous. When Chris sounded like that, he fidgeted.

Swallowing hard, Joey croaked into the phone, �Why?�

�His heart condition. You know.�

Joey frowned. �Yeah, he has an irregular heartbeat. So? He said it wasn�t a big deal. He�s been fine for a long time now.� Fine. Just fine. He was fine. He was perfect. Oh God, please, let him be fine.

�Yeah... but you know. Going into space is risky with anything like that... No gravity, no air... A lot of things could happen. They�re not taking any chances,� said Chris. He was trying to sound cheerful but only came across as hyper. �The surgery corrected it. His heart should be beating great now.�

God. Joey was trying not to hyperventilate or something similar. �He... he�s okay, right? Everything went okay?�

�From what Justin heard, everything went fine. He�s still recovering. They�re keeping him in the hospital for a little bit to let him heal and to make sure everything�s working right.� Chris paused. His voice grew gentle, which was a rare thing. �You okay, Joe?�

�Oh... yeah, I�m fine.� Joey tried to sound normal and unworried and as if he hadn�t just had the hugest scare in his life. �It�s just... you know. When your best friend has heart surgery, you�d like to know about it.�

Chris� tone was wry and a little sad. �I know, tell me about it,� he said. Suddenly, Chris laughed. �God. Get off the phone already and go see him, dumbass.�

�I...� Joey started to speak but stopped. What was he doing, still sitting here? He had to... Lance was... �Gotta go.� Joey dropped the phone and ran out the door without bothering to put his jacket on.

* * *

Joey hated the hospital.

He decided this as soon as he walked into Lance�s room.

First of all, it smelled too... artificial. The hospital smelled of antiseptic, of metal and cold, sharp objects, and of a place completely devoid of any... reality. Like a science fiction horror movie had come to life. Lance didn�t belong here. Lance smelled like leather and spice and pine and grassy fields... wonderful, real, alive things. He just... Lance didn�t belong here. Period.

Second of all, the hospital was too pale. Too pale. Too washed out and bleached white, devoid of all color. The sheets were white. The blankets were white. The pillows and curtains and paint and floors... white. The lack of color washed out Lance � made his already pale skin even paler, scarily so. His cheeks seemed to have lost all their color. His shock of blonde hair seemed white and stark and as unreal as all those years ago, when he used to bleach his hair platinum white. Lance lay there, amid all the white, eyes closed, and Joey was scared.

Lance was propped up on pillows and sleeping lightly. Small tubes ran across his cheeks and into his nose, an IV was stuck in the back of his hand, wires and patches ran under his gown, attached to his chest.

It was the scariest thing Joey had ever seen in his life.

�Lance?� Joey was whispering. In some part of his mind, he was praying, praying, praying that Lance would answer him.

Eyelids fluttered opened and blinked sleepily at him. Then Lance, seeing Joey standing there at the end of the bed, smiled and opened his eyes fully. Wow... Green. Joey had always known what Lance�s eyes looked like � it was hard not to notice. But... now... Green. Like... they were the only things on earth that Joey could see. With all the white-clean-bright-white, it was as if those green eyes were the only color in the room. The only things worth looking at.

�Hi, Joe,� said Lance. His voice was guttural and scratchy. He smiled again.

�I... uh...� Suddenly, speaking became too difficult to do. Joey�s throat felt tight. �I... Why didn�t you tell me?�

Not answering right away, Lance patted the small space of empty mattress beside him. When Joey sat down, the hospital bed shifted a little under his weight. �Didn�t want to make a big deal out of it,� Lance said. �Just wanted to get in and get it done.�

�You...� Joey shook his head angrily. �God! Lance! You don�t have to act so fucking... �Get in and get it done?� You just had heart surgery, for fuck�s sake! And you don�t tell me? I�m gonna fucking kill you.�

Lance laughed, then winced and stopped. �I love you too,� he said, smiling.

�Are you...� Joey saw the flash of pain in Lance�s expression. �I shouldn�t be bothering you while you�re recovering.�

�No.� Lance�s grip on his arm stopped him. �No, stay, please. I want you here.�

�Okay.� Joey didn�t need any other prompting.

�Here, come here,� said Lance. He put a hand behind Joey�s head and pulled him forward, until Joey�s cheek rested on Lance�s chest. Through the thin fabric of the hospital gown, Joey could feel the wires of the heart monitors. �Careful,� added Lance. �Don�t press too hard or I�ll kill you. It still hurts and the painkillers aren�t that strong.�

Not moving his head, sprawled awkwardly on the bed and on Lance, Joey said, �What am I doing?�

�Listen.�

So Joey did. He listened. He heard the hum of the heart monitors and the noises of the nurses� station outside the room. Joey heard Lance�s heartbeat. It was... strong. It was a reassuring, regular, ba-bump-ba-bump. Joey thought he had never heard a more beautiful rhythm. �You�re okay,� Joey said, sitting up and grinning at Lance. �You feel okay?�

Lance smiled. Pushed Joey�s head forward again until they were kissing. Soft, hungry, wonderful. �Feel great,� he whispered.

�God, I don�t want to let you go,� Joey said, swallowing down the threat of tears.

Their heads tilted forward until their foreheads rested against one another�s. Their breaths mingled in each other�s, inhaling and exhaling, and became one. All Joey saw was brilliant green.

�You don't have to,� said Lance. �I�m always with you.�

Joey nodded, and he believed.