No words came out of his mouth. He stared at Lance for a little while, floundering in his mind for something to say. Lance just grinned at him, ecstatic and unaware of Joey�s flustered state. Lance had come barging in Joey�s front door, looking exactly like he was now, breathless and giddy and the happiest that Joey had ever seen him.

Joey hated it.

�Wow� that�s just� wow,� he said finally. �That�s so great. I�m happy for you, man.�

Lance shook his head, but he was still grinning like a fool. �It�s not totally confirmed yet,� he said. �I�ve got to go out there and do some final tests and they�ve got to offer me the deal to sign but� Man! Joey, this is really happening!� He laughed.

When Lance hugged him, still laughing away like he was on the greatest high in the world, which he kind of was, and would never come down, Joey let him. Secretly, Joey�s stomach roiled. �I� uh� so what did happen again?� he asked.

�I told you. I passed all the initial tests and they�ve cleared me to go to Russia to do the final ones,� said Lance.

Russia?

Imagining Lance -- sunny, happy Southern Lance -- in Russia was kind of hard to do. Didn�t they have never-ending winters and snow year-round or something?

Pulling Lance to his living room, Joey sat his best friend down. Lance�s knees bounced in an agitated, excited kind of way. �What about your heart condition?� asked Joey.

�Oh, that�s not really a problem,� said Lance. �If I take my meds for that I�m fine, Joe. You know that. It hasn�t bothered me in a long time. Years.�

True, but then again, Joey would never forget that night when Lance had collapsed onstage. Just fell down, like a rag doll. He had felt so light when Joey carried him to the stretchers. Like Lance would fly away if Joey didn�t hold on tight enough. Now he was flying away for real. Never forget. Ever.

Joey didn�t say that though. He stared out the window and pretended he was happy for his best friend. He was, in an abstract kind of way. But deep down� where it really mattered, he had always hoped that Lance wouldn�t make it. That he would fail all those goddamn tests. Joey admitted it.

When Lance had told them all about his plans to try to go into outer space� the guys had agreed that it would be great experience. Then, when Lance wasn�t looking, they all glanced at each other -- Joey, Chris, Justin and JC -- and they all knew without speaking that they all kind of hoped that Lance wouldn�t make it. They didn�t want to let go of him. Let him fly out of the atmosphere, where who knows what could happen to him and� It was like the guys were all putting a fifth of their hearts out there into space.

Except Joey felt more like he was putting all of his heart in that empty cold blackness. What was out there that wasn�t down here anyway? Joey didn�t think his heart could stand the trip.

Joey realized Lance was talking to him. He blinked and listened.

�Are you okay, Joe?� Bright green eyes watched him, sparkling like champagne.

Clearing his suddenly dry throat, Joey whispered, �You�ll miss my opening night.�

An arm came around Joey�s waist, turning him around and hugging him close. �I know� I know� I�m sorry,� whispered Lance in his deep rumble. His breath tickled Joey�s ear. �I know you understand� this is� it�s important to me. I�m sorry, Joe.�

Goddammit. Joey hated crying. He didn�t want to do this, not now. Whenever he was trying not to cry, trying to keep his tears at bay, people would be nice and sympathetic to him and then that would just start the waterworks flowing. He didn�t want to ruin Lance�s happy moment but the tears had already started. He cried them silently over Lance�s shoulder. They dripped down and made wet spots on Lance�s t-shirt. Joey stroked Lance�s back, trying to rub them away, but they stayed.

Still hugging him, Lance said again, �I�m sorry.�

�It�s okay�� Joey forced himself to say, even though it wasn�t. It really wasn�t.

Lance hummed softly, a gentle melody, stroking Joey�s back absently, until the tears finally stopped. Joey could feel their hearts beating in time together. Look, even their pulses were in synch. Oh, God. Joey didn�t want Lance to leave. He was going to start crying again.

�Do you really have to go?� That was probably the stupidest question that Joey had ever uttered. He pushed them apart a little bit so he could see Lance�s eyes. Those eyes were always dazzling -- so bright, so unreal. Now they shone with tears. That was a stupid, stupid question because now he had made Lance feel guilty when Lance really had no reason to be.

�I love you, Joey.� Lance�s voice was rough and a little higher than normal. �God, I love you so much, you know that?�

Joey didn�t have to say he loved Lance back. He didn�t have to say it with words. He said it all when he kissed Lance, fiercely and fervently. Joey said it when he let his heart go, watching it fly away and just hoping it would come back to him someday.