| LUO'S LOVELY LUDICROUS GUIDE TO CRICKET!!! |
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| AND NOW FOR THE EXCITING GAME OF CRICKET, RULE NO.1, WHEN PLAYING, ALWAYS BRING THE RIGHT KIT. |
| FIELDER-BRING A CAMP BED, A NIGHTSHIRT, A COMIC, AN ALARM CLOCK AND YOUR FAVOURITE TEDDY. SETTLE YOURSELF FOR 40 WINKS WHILST UR OPPONENT MAKES 440 RUNS, UR ALRM CLOCK WILL WAKE U UP WHEN ITS UR TURN 2 BAT. WHEN THE BALL COMES UR WAY, MAKE SURE U DON'T CATCH IT BECUS CRICKET BALLS R VERY HARD AND CAN OFTEN TAKE UR FINGERS OFF, LEAVING U 2 HOLD DA STUMPS. |
| BATSMAN- U WILL NEED A FULL SET OF ARMOUR, A BAT 1 METRE WIDE AND A LUCKY CHARM, LIKE A 4 LEAVED CLOVER OR A RABBITS FOOT, IF IT DUSNT WANT 2 LEND U ITS FOOT, BRING THE WHOLE RABBIT, ITS USUALLY GOOD 4 A FEW RUNS. CLOSE UR EYES, HOLD THE BAT WELL OUT IN FRONT OF U AND PRAY THAT THE BOWLER IS A BAD SHOT! |
| BOWLER- U WILL NEED A STARTING BLOCK, AA SPRING-LOADED ARMS, MACHINE GUN SIGHTS AND A BALL WITH THE BATSMAN'S NAME ON IT. RUN FROM THE BLOCKS, RELEASE THE BALL AND WATCH IT TAKE THE BATSMAN'S HED OFF!! |
| UMPIRE- IN ORDER TO QUALIFY 4 UMPIRE U HAVE 2 HAV BEEN DEAD 4 2 YEARS AND OWN A SILLY WHITE HAT. ALL U HAVE 2 DO IS STAND ON A SPOT ALL DAY AND PRETEND TO BE A COAT HANGER FOR ALL THE PLAYERS JUMPERS AND HATS ETC. |
| SCORING- ALL YOU NEED IS A SCOREBOARD THE SIZE OF A DRIVE IN MOVIE SCREEN, A STANDARD 600 PAGE CRICKET RULES BOOK, AND JUST CHECK FROM TIME 2 TIME THAT U HAVE THE SCORES WRONG BY AT LEAST 20 RUNS AND 2 WICKETS AS THIS IS TRADITIONAL. |
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| FOR SOME PROPER CRICKET STUFF, GO ON THE LINK BELOW! |