Dazzled

Chapter Two: Fire

Oh Hyne, mother of Sorceresses...

His feet were pounding the grass in a frantic beat. He wondered when he'd broken into a run. And how long had he been running, anyway?

A Jelleye popped out of the long grass at his feet; he didn't even slow his pace as he drew Hyperion and sliced the creature in half. He ran on as the milky drops of its life's blood exploded between the severed halves, sparkling with incongrous beauty before spattering to the ground.

Have mercy.

He had no idea where he was, could care less where he was going. A fire burned inside him, as if his chest held an inferno where lungs should be. He had known the heat of lust, battle, madness, and pain, but this would surely finish him, this hollowness inside.

Have mercy, please.

At last his legs gave out and he stumbled to his knees. He threw his gunblade down and keeled over into the grass, burying himself in the swaying green scent of it. He held fistfuls of it as he tried to breathe, just get some air in and out his shaking frame.

She loves me. Hyne, she loves me.

He turned over on his back. Sky framed by points of grass was all he could see. There was nothing in the world but himself and the slowly-dimming sky above, the rustling of grass, and the warm fragrance of the earth below him.

Why?

Spent, he covered his eyes with a forearm. Why not keep pining for her Puberty Boy and be done with it? Why did she have to do this? He felt a little dead, like coal that had kept its shape but would crumble at a touch.

Gradually his arm relaxed and fell from his face; his head rolled to one side, and his ragged breathing turned regular and even. Blessed darkness took him as his eyes closed against the world.

---

"Don't go."

"Seifer!" Quisty's blue eyes widened, and her small hand went to the little pink mouth. Sunbeams drifted through dusty kitchen window and turned her hair golden, shadowing her face.

"Don't go with them." He took a step forward.

"I thought..." Her eyes became bright with tears. "You'd be happy for me."

"Well, I ain't."

"Don't use that word."

"Stop being Big Sister for once, Quisty!" He leaned closer to her, not understanding why he felt like this. "Do you want to go?"

"I..." She turned her face away to look out the window. "Squall needs me, but.."

"Squall, Squall, Squall!" Quisty turned to look at him again, her eyes wide with surprise. "It's all Squally for you, huh? Lemme tell you something, Quisty." he clenched a fist. "Squall don't need anybody but Squall. He doesn't need you! Get that?"

Quisty's lips trembled, and a little of the brightness in her eyes slid down a sunburned cheek.

"Then..." She turned her back to him. "I don't have to stay anymore."

Seifer was glad she wasn't looking at him. He didn't want anyone to see the look on his face, least of all her.

"Forget reasons!" He shook his head, it was all muddy or something. "What do you wanna do? Too sissy to even say what you want, huh? Huh?"

She spun suddenly around, hair flying. Her eyes glittered like ice, making him step back.

"Then let me tell you, Mister Smart-Aleck Almasy. I want parents too, like the village kids have. I don't want their parents calling them in because they're talking to an orphan. I just want to be normal, is that good enough for you?"

She ran out sobbing before he could say anything. Like he was going to let her have the last word. "Fine! See if I care!"

A door slammed upstairs--Quisty never slammed doors--and Seifer hung his head. He wouldn't ever admit it, but he was ashamed. He left the kitchen, his feet heavy.

He found them all by the roadside when he came back. Sefie and Zell were crying, and Irvine kept drawing his hand across his eyes. Matron had a comforting arm around them and Squall stood by himself like he didn't care.

"Hey, where's Quisty?"

Everyone except Squall stared at him. Matron bit her lip.

"Where's Quisty?" Seifer asked again. His closed his right hand tightly around the bundle he'd brought. His stomach was going numb, like there was something cold inside.

"Seifer, dear..." Matron shook her head. "She wanted to see you. We all looked for you but the Trepes had to catch the ferry, and-"

Seifer spun around, and there it was just over the hill, the cloud of dust rising up behind a car.

"No," he tried to say, but nothing came out. He went a few steps forward, almost falling, and started running. He heard Matron calling him but he couldn't stop, he didn't tell her he was sorry, he didn't say good-bye--

"QUISTY! Quisty, wait!" He'd never run so hard before. His legs and chest were hurting, but he had to go on.

He stepped on a loose stone, and his right hand opened as he fell. Flowers went flying everywhere, like confetti, the bunch he'd gathered for her at the flower field.

He sat up slowly, aching everywhere. He looked at the road again but the dust cloud was gone. Quisty was gone. There was sand in his mouth and he had skinned both hands, but he didn't care. He felt hot inside, somehow, like he was burning, but it wasn't from the run.

"My child, are you all right?"

Matron caught up with him, out of breath, the others taggine along. Squall was following slowly, looking bored.

Squall needs me... Then I don't have to stay anymore.

And suddenly, seeing Squall, Seifer was madder than he'd ever been in his life. He stood quickly, not feeling any pain, and jumped at Squall.

They fell to the ground together with Seifer on top. "You-" he gasped between punches, "you don't even- care- do you? Quisty gone- and you- don't- care!"

Squall shoved him, hard, and he tumbled back. They stood facing each other, and if Seifer could have, he would have killed Squall then and there. But Matron came to stand between them, and even though she didn't scowl or shout, Seifer could tell she was really, really angry.

"There'll be no fighting here," she said sternly. "Seifer, apologize to-"

Seifer didn't hear her. He saw Selphie carefully picking up the flowers he'd dropped, tears in her eyes. He went and stomped down, crushing the blossoms into the dirt.

"Don't touch them!" Fresh tears came to her eyes as he shouted at her. "They're not for you!"

Little Irvy was at her side in a flash. "Don't be mean to Sefie."

Selphie screamed as Irvy went flying to the ground. Seifer found himself feeling a sick sort of satisfaction when Irvine's hand came away bloody from his nose.

"Stop it!" Zell was screaming. "Stop it, Seifer! Leave us alone!"

"No, you stop it." Seifer grabbed Zell by the front of his shirt and pulled him close to his face. "Stop crying all the time and getting on my nerves. You're a crybaby and you'll never be nothin' more'n a crybaby, Chicken Zell." He pushed the boy to the ground and walked away.

Matron was too busy with her hurt and crying children to stop him. Before he knew it, Seifer was running again as he slowly realized what he had done.

Hurts, he thought. It hurts, Quisty. I'm so sorry, Hyne I'm sorry... He clenched at his chest as he ran. It was burning, somehow, with a fire he hadn't felt before. He didn't know what to do except he had to put it out before it swallowed him whole.

I'm gonna hate you, Quisty, he thought as he ran to the beach, pain snapping at his heels. I'm going to hate you for leaving. I'll hate you for liking Squall better. I'll hate you, I swear!

He hit the water running, and let himself sink into its coolness until his lungs burned. Quickly he came back up, sputtering as he broke the surface.

"Quistis!" He screamed at the sky. "Tell me-"

Tell me why it hurts so much. Tell me why I can't hate you.

Edea sighed in relief when she finally found him, wading slowly out of the water. He was soaked to the bone and obviously tired, but there was control in his eyes again. The crisis was over, it was time for the hard part--aftermath.

"It's going to be dark soon, Seifer." She spoke as gently as possible, rather like handling a lovable but wild beast of prey. "Let's go in before you catch cold."

But the boy hung back, unsure. "I never said sorry to Quisty."

"It's all right." She went down on one knee so they were eye to eye. "I'm sure Quistis knows you're sorry."

"Uh-huh, but you know how things feel more real and stuff if you say them?" She nodded encouragingly, and he continued. "If I said sorry and good-bye to her it might have been easier to take. I don't know." He looked at the ground and kicked the sand with the toes of his squelching wet sneakers. "Is that selfish?"

In spite everything, Edea felt touched. This side of him, the uncertainty and vulnerability, was for her eyes alone. She had really tried not to love him too much, for when he first came to her the child had smelled of blood. Yet here she was, loving above all others this deeply flawed soul, this child wild and beautiful.

"No, Seifer." She spoke very softly, hardly louder than the lapping of waves at the shore. "It's not selfish. I think it's very honest."

He came to her then, and she folded her arms tenderly around his bedraggled little form.

"You do realize you have to be punished," she said as they headed back to the house, his hand in hers. She knew he would quietly slip his hand out once they came within viewing distance of the house, but for now he seemed content.

"Yes, ma'am." Seifer hung his head and held her hand tightly.

"And you need to apologize to the others."

He flinched a little at that.

"Seifer?" She paused in her walk to look at him.

"Not- not today, Matron."

"Why not?" She asked, more curious than annoyed.

"Because," he took a breath, "I don't feel sorry. I'm still too mad at everything. If I say I'm sorry now, it's lying."

Edea nodded slowly, then resumed walking. "Tomorrow, then."

"Okay, Matron." he said gladly. "I know I'll be sorry tomorrow."

She watched him with a measure of pride and a measure of despair.

What will you do, Seifer, in a world as dishonest as this? She thought. How will you live the lies and bow to falsehood as we all do?

Help him, what deities or demons that watch him. Please help him find his way. So she prayed, strangely afraid for the most imperfect of her children, and the most beloved.

---

He became gradually aware of his surroundings. Everything was darker than he last remembered, and a cold wind rustled through the grass.

And a pair of black boots stood before his eyes.

His eyes traveled upward as he tried to decipher the mystery. The boots ended and to his pleasure one hell of a pair of legs topped them, and higher up the hem of a dark peach skirt...

"I catch you staring up my skirt, and I stomp you on the nose."

His eyes followed the source of the voice and finally resolved the image of Quistis Trepe standing over him, the look on her face unreadable.

"Improve the view, wouldn't it?" He grinned lazily up at her.

She rolled her eyes, but the corner of her lips twitched.

"What were you thinking, running off like that?"

He stood up slowly, stretching leisurely. "I wasn't thinking. That's the problem."

"I've heard of men running from emotional situations, but this is ridiculous." She rubbed her forehead tiredly, her eyes betraying anxiety for the first time.

He cleared his throat. "So what about Mr. Leader and his stooges?"

"All out searching for you as we speak." She took a radio transmitter out of her pocket--a newfound blessing since the unsealing of Adel--and was about to turn it on when Seifer snatched it from her hand.

"What in-" she reached for the radio, but he held it out of reach.

"Let them suffer a little longer." He tossed it over his shoulder.

"Oh, God." She put her hands on her hips, glaring at him. "How am I supposed to find that thing in all this grass?"

He watched impassively as she walked towards him in search of the transmitter. Just as she brushed past him he reached out and put his arms around her, pulling her close.

"Seifer." She sounded surprised, but made no move to break away.

"Hyne knows, Quistis," he buried his face in her shoulder. He felt lost, somehow, and very frightened. "Hyne knows I've screwed up before in my life. Never cared before, I thought I had nothing to lose. But now..." He drew back to look into her astonished eyes. "Now the stakes are so high, I can't afford to fail."

"What...do you mean?" He could feel her tremble a little against him.

"I mean, when you... told me... you loved me, I was afraid for the first time of the consequences of my actions. Afraid of hurting you."

Darkness had fallen. An alabaster moon rose to light the folds of evening, its light encircling two people lost in the night, lost in the wonder of each other.

A loud squawk erupted from the ground, effectively shattering the moment.

"..tis...you... there?" A disjointed voice called from somewhere in the grass. "Quis.. do y... copy!"

Quistis' eyes widened. "The radio!"

The next moment the two of them were on their hands and knees on the ground, trying to track the source of the sound.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you throw that away!" Quistis parted the grass frantically here and there.

"Correction: You didn't let me. I just did it." Seifer crawled through the growth, looking for the elusive piece of equipment. "Relax, we'll find it. Just follow your ear."

"You'll be doing that soon enough, when I drag you by it back to base camp."

"Found it." He held it up triumphantly. Their eyes met and they shared a smile. There was again a comfortable equilibrium between them, but with a subtle difference.

"Quistis!" Squall's urgent voice erupted from the transmitter. "Quistis, do you copy? Have you found that irresponsible jerk anywhere? Is everything okay? Come in, Quistis!"

Grinning devilishly, Seifer flicked the transmitter on. "Why Squally-poo!" He said in a high, squeaky falsetto, "does this mean you don't love me anymore?"

"Almasy?" The note of relief was palpable, despite background static. "Where the hell were you?"

"A-aren't you glad to hear from me, dahling?" Seifer gave a high, screeching wail. "Does this mean we're over, honey-bunny?" Quistis choked back her laughter behind him, while Rinoa's giggles came loud and clear over the radio.

"Argh!" Squall raised his voice over the kissing noises Seifer was making into the radio and Rinoa's laughter in the background. "Quistis, just haul this lunatic back to camp, will you?"

Quistis leaned in to speak. "Sure...honey-bunny."

Squall groaned as Rinoa laughed even harder. "Leonhart out." Click.

Quistis shook her head as they helped each other up. "Why do you always torment him?"

"Because it works." Seifer brushed bits of grass from his coat and bent down to retrieve Hyperion. "The man may not be a zombie anymore, but he still can't take a joke. Man, I wish I could've seen the look on his face."

"You're nuts. A complete nutcase," said Quistis as they walked companiably towards the jeep she had parked a few meters away.

"I know. That's why you love me," he said lightly.

"As a matter of fact, it is." She looked him squarely in the eye before she climbed into the driver's seat.

"Um." Speechless, Seifer went meekly around to the passenger's seat. Mother of Sorceresses, why did the woman have to take his breath away?

She had just started the engine when he climbed in. His hand closed over hers as she let go of the keys.

"Quistis."

She smiled easily at him. "Squall will have a fit if we don't hurry back."

"Really? I'd pay to see that."

She laughed. "You were saying?"

He became serious. "I know it's going to take a lot of work, and time. I have no delusions of someone waving a magic wand to make everything perfect. Will you still bear with me? Do you want to?"

Quistis slowly entwined her fingers in his. "No one can guarantee the future, Seifer. But I do know one thing." She leaned forward to kiss him briefly, a moment stolen from heaven. "If there's anything you and I are good at, it's struggling. We'll struggle together. To make it work."

Seifer couldn't speak; he could only gaze at her, his reason, his insanity, his fire.

She looked down at their hands locked together. "Incidentally, I can't drive with you holding my hand."

He finally found his voice. "Damn." Smiling, he released her.

"By the way," he said as the car rumbled into motion, "why do you always take the keys out of the ignition? It's a waste of time."

She gave him a scandalized look. "Of course I keep the car keys with me! What if someone made off with the car?"

"Who? Some random Jelleye? Now that would be a shame."

"Don't start with me, Seifer..."

The jeep sped across grassland, through a palely-lit landscape somehow more beautiful and alive than before. And perhaps, if one looked closely one would have seen them, the little golden-haired boy and girl laughing and running through the grass under the moon, swept away on a passing wind like phantoms from a long-gone past.

-the end-

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