| THE REGAL KING SIZE LUMBAGGIO CUP |
 |
| SEMI FINALS |
 |
| Tam Borthwick (SCO) 268 |
| V |
 |
| disq 271 (ENG) Frank Weller |
 |
| Diego Carliga (ARG) 140 |
 |
| 90 (GER) Herman Multz |
| The form of Diego Carliga has been second to none in this years finals. He has refused to pace himself in any of his matches and has steam-rollered all that have stood in his way. Herman Multz, who has had a fortunate draw through to the semi's, could have been a match for Carliga a decade ago. Ten years and one lung has passed, and it has shown on the sorry German. Carliga destroyed Multz. Pack after pack was despatched with ease as the the singular lunged kraut refused to concede defeat. Despite many expecting Multz to retire after this competition, the German, in a cloud of smoke and an intense coughing fit, vowed to return. His illustrious career could have come to a respectable finale here in this semi final but it appears that this dinosaur of lumming will continue until the game has claimed his one remaining lung and life. The lack of young international class lummers from his native Deutchland may force the D.I.R.V. (Deutsche Internationale Rauchende Vereinigung - German International Smoking Federation) to select him again. |
| FINAL TAM BORTHWICK (SCO) v DIEGO CARLIGA (ARG) |
| The hype surrounding this match has been building ever since the two names came out of the hat. A classic battle of the Auld Enemies in the theatre of tabs. The defending world champion, Frank Weller of England against the promising Tam Borthwick from Scotland. No-one could have forseen the drama that would unfold. The first hour saw the two match each other lum for lum with Borthwick edging ahead by a narrow two lum margin 5 minutes into the second hour. His large contingent of supporters were in fine voice singing him on to tab after tab. Things became unstuck with half an hour to go for Borthwick when a comfortable 7 tab lead was diminished by a defective lighter. In his haste Borthwick had knocked the head of his previous lum. He reached for his lighter but it had been rendered useless by a spilt pint. Claims were made by the Borthwick camp that a member of Wellers entourage had tipped the beverage on purpose. Weller had assumed a two lum lead by the time Borthwick had aquired a substitute lighter. The Scot could not get back into his stride and Weller pulled further ahead to 5 with just 10 minutes left. Borthwick pulled it back to 3 by the time the 2 hours were up. The encounter was not finished there. German official Rudolf Meinger was not happy with the discarded doupies in Wellers ash bucket. He ruled that Weller had not smoked over 80% of his lums to within 1cm of the filter. Wellers disqualification sent the arena into mayhem. Reek packets and lighters came raining down on Meinger and his assistants. Security at the venue could not contain this disgusting show of Lum hooliganisim and fighting quickly spread to the surrounding residential areas where rival fans ran amok. Borthwick is through to the final, but that may not stand as Weller has yet to have his appeal heard. |
| V |