| Celebrity Lum Shelter |
| This week we play host to one of footballs ugliest smokers. It's Davie Dodds! "Hi everyone, it's nice to be invited in to the lum shelter. Lumming is my only pleasure these days as my facial features have deteriorated so much that even dinner ladies won't touch me." "I started the lumming shortly after joing Dundee United in 1973 after signing from Sporting Club at the age of 17. I was a product of Jim McLeans scouting project and the cunt treated me and the other guys like white slaves. My dad battered me around the head with the buckle end of his belt when I came home and announced that I had signed a 6 year deal at �25 a week. He called me a daft, ugly wee arab bastard then left the house never to return." "I had to hide my passion for the lums from McLean. He was a major lummer himself and was always bummin fags off the s-signings. We all enjoyed a tab, except that wee poofy cunt Sturrock. He gret like a lassie about it being bad for your health. I laughed like fuck when he collapsed like a big woman in the Tannadice dug-out when he was manager." "These days I claim unemployment benefit and hang around primary schools. I offer the children the service of buying fags for them. I deduct a 20% lum taxation before handing over the goods. This keeps me nicely stocked up in fags." "I can't say that I have a particular favourite lum. Most of the time I search the streets looking for discarded reeks that I can salvage tobacco from to make a cocktail lum held together with pages from the phone book." |
| Davie "elephantman" Dodds |
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