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On Marriage
and Country
Marriage is a very serious commitment
whether or not it is formally or legally recognized
by a church or government . And, regardless of the
terminology, a commitment is still a commitment.
Almost as important to me is the issue of immigration and
allegiance to my countries: both the country of my
birth, the United States of America; and the
country of Canada, my adopted country. I have a
pride and love for both countries. Each is a very
important part of me. Despite their different
approaches toward immigration, I understand and,
for the most part, agree with the policies of both
Canada and the United States. I see a lot of
complaining by dual-national couples about how
heartless and cruel the United States is and how
wonderful Canada is in comparison. True, Canada is wonderful in many regards, but
I believe that about the U.S., too. My partner was
unable to immigrate to the United States without
returning for "x" number of years to his home
country, but he nor I ever held any
animosity toward U.S. immigration policy. I was
prepared to immigrate to his country or even a third
country. The United States is no more obligated to
accept immigrants as other countries. I do wish the
U.S. would include same-sex relationships under
family sponsorship, and I hope someday that
restriction is repealed. But if someone thinks so
little of the U.S. because of its puritanical
values I wonder why they're so upset they can't
immigrate to there anyway? And those who think so
highly of Canada because of how it's different from
the U.S., well, how genuine is that love of Canada?
It sounds highly conditional to me. Love Canada for
itself. My love of Canada exists independently of
my sentiments towards the U.S. My love of Canada is
independent of my love of my partner. The fact that
I love Canada, I love my partner, I love the United
States, AND I can embrace all of that at the same
time in my life is heaven. Yes, I am grateful to
Canada for allowing my partner and I to share a
life together here in Canada, but even before I
knew about same-sex immigration and believed I had
no chance of ever immigrating to Canada, I still
loved it just the same.
On Same-Sex
Partnerships, Common-Law Marriage, and
Immigration
Monogamous interdependent relationship,
marriage, partnership, domestic partnership, union,
and whatever name the relationship might go by is a
very important and significant commitment not to be
taken lightly nor used frivolously. LEGIT uses the
term interdependent relationship to describe
a relationship that involves mutual emotional and
financial support. Mixed-sex couples (male-female
couples, that is) who are "married" but not legally
married, are called common-law couples. Same-sex
couples have no established legal term for their
relationship nor are they allowed to legally wed in
the US or Canada.
Like same-sex
couples, partners in a common-law relationship
could apply for Canadian immigration under
humanitarian and compassionate grounds if they
don't qualify to immigrate on their own merits as
independent applicants. However, unlike us, they
have to submit form IMM5409, the Statutory
Declaration of Common-Law Union, and have it
certified by a "commissioner of oaths." Of course,
one must not forget that they *can* get married,
even if they don't want to. That is a right denied
to us.
For those of us in
same-sex relationships, Canadian Immigration pretty
much takes our word for it--but not without an
array of supporting documents we need to help prove
we've stayed--and intend to stay--together as a
couple. It's those supporting documents--joint
lease/rent agreements and bills, joint credit
cards, joint back accounts, insurance naming
partner as beneficiary, letters, and similar
documents--that are examined to help "prove" the
authenticity of a same-sex relationship for
immigration under humanitarian and compassionate
(H&C) grounds.
 On
applying under H&C grounds
Whether or not a person in a same-sex
interdependent relationship decides to request
H&C consideration is totally a personal choice,
but it is my hope that those who chose to do so
have taken a long and hard look at their
relationship to evaluate its permanence. How
permanent? To quote from the standard marriage
vows, "'til death do us part." Another way of
looking at it is this: if you were able to legally
marry your partner, would you? If the answer is
yes, then good for you. If not, then please
reconsider and perhaps NOT apply for immigration to
Canada under H&C grounds. The fact that
same-sex couples can apply for immigration even
under H&C grounds is a momentous step forward.
I would hate to see further progress jeopardized
because that privilege was abused by people who
just wanted to live with the person they were
steadily dating at the time.
Any relationship
that crosses international borders has problems.
Unmarried mixed-sex couples face similar hardships
maintaining cross-border relationships or
relationships where one or both partners are in a
country on a temporary status. The main difference
is that they *can* get married. However, if a
marriage is entered just for the convenience of
immigration then that is wrong and illegal.
Similarly, if someone falsely claims to have an
ongoing interdependent relationship only so they
can apply for immigration under H&C grounds, I
feel that is equally wrong, and worse, it
jeopardizes the chance for others in genuine long
term same-sex relationships to immigrate and all
the work done by LEGIT and the original couple
whose efforts prompted Canada to allow immigration
under H&C grounds for same-sex
couples.
 To
those of you fortunate enough to find someone you
love more than enough to make part of your life,
but whom you love so much as to make that person a
part of you, congratulations. The fact that
we are in relationships that are not legally
recognized nor legally committing can often be a
psychological thorn in the relationship.
Considering how high the divorce rate is among
legally binding mixed-sex "'til death do us part"
marriages, those of us in a lasting same-sex
"marriage" can give ourselves a pat on the back.
Even though Canada does not yet recognize same-sex
couples as "family" for immigration purposes, it is
one of the few countries that does take same-sex
relationships into consideration. Canada is a
wonderful and special country. I believed that even
when I was discouraged and thought there was no way
I could immigrate without living apart from my
partner first. I believe it even more
now.
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