FUN LOVIN' CRIMINALS
Interview with Huey from Melody Maker, August 2000.
Do you believe in ghosts or spirits?
Absolutely, in some shape or form, they are definitely around. I was tripping on acid once when I was 14, and thought I saw one, but it was probably the acid. It was like a statue that turned and looked at me in a supposedly haunted church on the East Side. It scared the bejesus out of me. That's what you get if you fuck with hallucinogenics or Ecstasy, any of that stuff.
Have you ever had to defend the honour of your lady?
It was some time ago. It was in response to a disrespectful man in a party situation. He was letting his hands do the talking. So I let my hands do the talking all over him.
If Jesus appeared to you in a series of dreams and told you to leave everything behind, travel along to the Red Sea and become a fisherman, what would you do?
I'd ask to talk to his dad. I'd have to ask his dad permission - I'm not very good around the water and God would know that. If he said stop everything and become a meatpacker because we live in the meatpacking district of New York, I'd say yeah. But water? I'd say "Jesus I'll have to check with your dad".
If a flying saucer arrived and aliens invited you to visit their planet for five years, would you go?
Hell yeah. I'd love to check that. I'd take some herb seeds, make sure I had some ganja up there, a digital camera, and my laptop computer so I could store the pictures from the camera of all the young female aliens hanging out on the beach.
How would you react if you were to learn that your partner had a lover of the same sex before you knew each other?
That she was originally a guy, and turned into a girl? Hey, man, I wouldn't care. If you love somebody, it doesn't matter what they did before they were with you.
Can you urinate in front of another person?
I was in the Marines, bro, we all pissed together. Four guys round one bowl, not much stage fright - can someone run the water, please?
Would you be willing to go into a slaughter house and kill a cow?
I have. It was awful, bro. First of all, the thing's dying. Second of all, there's so much blood and it smells disgusting. I was very young when I did it, but, man, it stays with you.
When did you lose your virginity?
This is a little personal, isn't it? No, it's OK if it's for the kids. I was about 15. It was very interesting. The circumstances were very funny. I had a good time, the girl had a good time and then we tried it again immediately afterwards to make sure it was still a good time. And it was. It went well.
Do you have a maxim?
I have one here in my house. Do you mean a motto? "Do unto others..." is a very good one, I try to keep that in mind.
When was the last time you were in a fight?
Like I was violent with somebody? It's embarrassing, but it was about two weeks ago in New York. I try not to suffer too many fools. Did I win? Course I won, bro, come on! Someone was beating up a friend of mine and the poor guy, you know...
What was your worst nightmare?
I have some dreams about my times in the Marines which are very frightening to me still to the present day. I don't really want to say any more about that.
Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would like for a thousand years at any age you choose?
I tell you what, man, I'm not the cutest guy in the world, take a good hard look at yourself, my charisma overcomes any lack of beauty. But a thousand years? Why not? Sure. That would compensate me for anything.
What are your most compulsive habits?
Cigarettes, I'm trying to nail that down. That's my worst compulsive habit. I do enjoy bathing too.
How do you picture your funeral?
They can throw my ashes off the North Shore of Miami and keep a look out.
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