Part i
Monsters VS Me
(c) Nicole F. Hall 2000
I have been in a bad, bad, bad place in my life here lately. I have been doing exactly the opposite of what I want to do, and what I know to do.  I've allowed the monsters of my past to come back and wreak havoc in my mind. I have allowed them to persuade my thinking. I believed what these monsters were telling me and, like a whirlpool, I allowed them to pull me down into that bad, bad place. I had absolutely no control, no strength. I didn't even know it was happening until I was already there. 
What these monsters were telling me had everything to do with my self worth. When times got scary I ran to the monsters because they were who I believed, they were safe. Even though it was painful, it was a "safe" pain because it was familiar, as opposed to the pain I did not yet know, but could only imagine. Hence, I was choosing to be "right" over being happy.  

It is really hard to change your thinking - to change what you've been programmed to believe all your life. It becomes so very confusing.   God, I appreciate this struggle and this fight with the monsters. I am so glad for the opportunity to continue to learn and grow. It is painful because it makes me face the monsters and stand up to them...or be defeated by them.  Defeat is not in my nature. I'm a survivor, so I know that I will prevail.   The most important thing that I am learning is that I am a pretty awesome person! I am learning that I am stronger and more determined than I ever thought. :) and the next most important thing that I am learning is that RESULTS are manifestations of our actions. If I don't like the results that I am getting, then I need to alter my actions and re-actions. Click to continue reading.
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1