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One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes a fisheries patrol officer in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing; I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the fisheries rep.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment."
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
[Currently Reading:]
1. NeverNever, by Will Shetterly.
The continuing story of Rob (a.k.a. Wolfboy, Woofboy), whose story began in the book Elsewhere. The entire Bordertown series (by various authors, and created by Terri Windling, who also does The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror anthologies), is incredibly wonderful.
2. A Goddess is a Girl's Best Friend: A Divine Guide to Finding Love, Success, and Happiness, by Laurie Sue Brockway.
I found this just chilling out on the Metaphysics/Withcraft section of my local Borders. For absolutely no reason at all, I picked it up. Some of it a little deeper than I had expected, but it's well-organized, and the author is an interfaith minister, who assures the very religious that there's nothing blasphemous about lighting a candle for Sophia, saying a prayer to Kwan Yin, or believing that a photo of Hathor will make you feel beautiful.
3. Wonder Boys, by Michael Chabon.
I admit, I rented this movie entirely on the appearance of Tobey Maguire. Who turns out to be sort of weird - but I guess it goes to show his acting range. The movie was...confusing, to say the least, so I decided to give the book a chance. So far (just two pages in) it doesn't look good.
4. e, by Matthew Beaumont.
This one was another reccomendation, from Andrea in my English class. It is told completely through the intranet e-mails of a British advertising company. It's really hilarious, and you find yourself reading and re-reading between the deceits and lies and truths and seductions. Warning: A lot of this book is written in British slang - be prepared!
[Other Recommendations:]
Welcome to the Monkey House, by Kurt Vonnegut.
Seriously, this guy just blows me away sometimes. These short stories are well worth the twenty minutes it takes to read them. They're funny, insightful, and just plain well-written. Try reading 'Who Am I This Time?', 'The Euphio Question', and for a very cool view on war (especially given the current state of affair in this world, 'Report on the Barnhouse Effect'.
Bagombo Snuff Box, by Kurt Vonnegut.
This was the first book I'd read by Vonnegut, and it made me want to read more. This is his collection of unpublished short stories - he'd write them for magazines back in the good old days, when Cosmopolitan was more than a sex manual. Favorites: 'Mnemonics', 'Bagombo Snuff Box', 'A Present for Big Saint Nick', 'A Night for Love', and 'Runaways'. Read the rest, too.
American Gods, by Neil Gaiman.
However you pronounce his name (Guy-man, Gay-man), Neil is my god. Quite honestly, he is what I want to be when I grow up. This book, one of his most recent releases, will screw with your head and make you like it. Old gods never die - they only move on.
Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman
The story of London Below. Which is, of course, under London Above. Being a changeling player, this book appealed to me like none other. Richard Mayhew may be a square, but he makes the right choice in the end, which makes him okay by me.
Smoke and Mirrors: Short Fictions and Illusions, by Neil Gaiman
Do you sort of get the picture than I worship this man? The very best part about this book is that he explains why he wrote these stories, what for, where the ideas came from. Fabulous. I highly recommend 'Chivalry' and 'Murder Mysteries'; the latter will be in graphic novel form sometime soon.
Basically anything Neil Gaiman puts his name on is amazing. I could list all of his graphics novels for your perusal; but you might just be better off going to Borders one day, picking up The Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes, and sitting by yourself to read it cover to cover. Even better, pick up any graphic novel by DC Vertigo. You won't be sorry. (Unless, of course, you have no taste for a bit of the ultraviolence. Then go pick up something from the children's section.)