Parts 171 to 180
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 171
Previously, Black Hole almost killed off Sonja but didn't quite manage it.
-Black Hole-
Sturm: You have information for me?
Lash: Yeah! You know how everyone keeps acting out of character?
Sturm: Yes?
Lash: I figured out what's causing it!
Sturm: Really? What?
Lash: Apparently someone has some weird crystal somewhere. It's sucking out energy from the planet and is using it to fuel out-of-characterness!
Sturm: Noooo! They can't do that! What's the point of taking over a dead planet?
Lash: What's the point of taking over a planet anyway?
Sturm: Good point. Well, there's only one thing to do!
Lash: Find it and destroy it?
Sturm: Well, I was going to suggest moving to a different planet, but that works also!
A great deal of triangulation later...
Sturm: Aha! I've found it!
Sturm points to a different planet.
Adder: That doesn't even make sense.
Sturm: Exactly! That's why it's so brilliant! We never would've thought to look there!
Adder: We just did.
Sturm: Even more brilliant of them, whoever them are!
-Orange Star-
Hachi: Yes! My latest, most devious, most diabolical, and most money-grabbing scheme is about to take effect!
Employee: Really? What is it?
Hachi: I'm going to use a time machine! I'll see the winning lottery numbers, then go back in time and pick them!
Employee: We don't have a lottery in Orange Star.
Hachi: What?
Employee: Nell won it every time, so it went broke.
Hachi: Darn it!
Employee: We could try one of the foreign lotteries.
Hachi: No way! Have you seen the tariffs on foreign lottery tickets? It's murder!
Employee: I'm sure they can't be that bad.
Hachi: No, they are murder! To get foreign lottery tickets, you need to be killed!
Employee: That makes no sense!
Hachi: That's why it's so brilliant!
Employee: That makes even less sense.
Hachi: What lottery does?
-Blue Moon-
Olaf: Well, at least that whole wacky adventure with the trucks is over.
A truck drives through the wall.
Olaf: I said, at least that whole wacky adventure with the trucks is over!
The truck disappears.
Olaf: Better!
Is it better? Is it?! IS IT?! Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 172
Previously, Black Hole discovered that some sort of weird crystal was sucking energy out of Wars World and causing out-of-characterness. The catch? It's on another planet.
-Black Hole-
Sturm: All right! Now let's go to that planet and...do...stuff!
Hawke: Do what?
Sturm: Set up a hotel there and charge everyone exorbitant prices to stay there!
Hawke: What about the crystal?
Sturm: I was thinking we could auction it off on eBay.
Hawke: Since when have you been so money-obsessed?
Sturm: Since I took Hachi's "How To Be Money-Obsessed" course.
Hawke: And how much did that cost?
Sturm: All the money in the treasury.
Hawke: WHAT?!
Sturm: Don't worry! All we have to do is capture a few zillion cities and the money will come rolling in!
-Green Earth-
Eagle: ...and furthermore, in this exceedingly boring speech, I-
Jess: This is boring.
Drake: Yeah, but he's the head CO, so we're stuck with it.
Jess: Hang on a minute! Why should Eagle be the head honcho?
Eagle: Oh yeah? Well...um...oh, darn it, I wasted all my speech energy on that speech.
Jess: If you're going to stay in charge, then you need to prove you're worthy! Let's have a battle with our troops!
Drake: Yep! After all, what better usage is there for our soldiers' lives than to die in large numbers in a practice battle in which absolutely nothing is gained against the enemy?
And now, for absolutely no reason, here is a sample letter from whoever writes this things to the family or whatnot about some soldier's death in Advance Wars: Dual Strike...
Dear Sir Or Madam,
It is my unfortunate, and when you get down to it unnecessary, duty to notify you that your son, daughter, brother, sister, father, mother, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece, grandfather, grandmother, or whatever their relation is to you, has been killed in battle. However, they went out valiantly! They went out valiantly...proving that Rachel WAS good enough for Grimm and Sensei to join up with.
-Orange Star-
Max: Woohoo!
Andy: What?
Max: I just got my contract renewed! I'll be a major character in the next game!
Andy: Really? What about the rest of us?
Max: Let's see...in the story, you'll just show up as a clone who has an incredibly annoying speech after being killed...Sami shows up midway through...Nell has a few brief scenes...and Hachi, as always, will just be selling stuff in that shop of his.
Andy: What? The only time I show up is in some stupid clone?
Max: Yeah, and who has an incredibly cheesy and annoying speech!
Andy: Darn it! Why do you get all the luck?
Max: I'm guessing it's dumb luck. Hey, speaking of luck, have you seen Nell?
Andy: Didn't Black Hole capture her because she was for some reason spontaneously transported there?
Sami: Nah, we rescued here, though only after something really bad happened to her.
Andy: What?
Sami: No idea. Just that something really bad and unlucky happened to her.
Max: Man, some people have all the luck.
Andy: How is that lucky?!
Max: I never said it was good luck.
Did he say it was good luck? Will we continue with these Dual Strike parodies? How about Triple Strike? Yeah, that sounds cool...Triple Strike...yeah! Let's go with that right now!
Lord Seth: Sorry, but if we Triple Strike, the part's automatically ended. After all, three strikes, you're out!
Is that the single stupidest thing ever?
Lord Seth: Yes.
Is Lord Seth right?
Lord Seth: No.
Am I confused? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875, when we repeat this dumb gag for the umpteenth time!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 173
Previously, there was a part.
Sometime ago...
Photographer: Okay, COs, I'm ready to take your pictures for the games!
Grit and Andy come in.
Andy: Um, we kind of had an accident with some super glue, so now my wrench and Grit's gun kind of got stuck-
FLASH!
Photographer: Next!
Drake comes in.
Drake: Uh, my shirt shrunk in the wash, so I'm wondering if we could possibly do this at another-
FLASH!
Photographer: Next!
A great deal of repetitive jokes later...
Photographer: Okay, that's everyone. Uh...yeah.
Back in the "present"...
-Black Hole-
Hawke: Well, that whole search for a crystal thing that was fueling out-of-characterness didn't do anything...
Sturm: Mwahahahaha! Mwahahahaha!
Hawke: Why are you laughing crazily?
Sturm: Because I'm the undisputed ruler of Black Hole!
Hawke: Actually...
Sturm: What?
Hawke: Some people higher up aren't satisfied with your performance, so they're sending in a new guy.
Sturm: What?! Who's higher up than me?
Hawke: Well-
Sturm: Nooooo! Don't answer that! It'll be a bad explanation or something! It's better to give no explanation than a bad one! Then the reader can try to think up a good one!
Hawke: ...
Sturm: Why did you say "period period period"?
Hawke: I didn't! I didn't say anything!
Sturm: No, you said "period period period." It says so! If you didn't say anything then there wouldn't be a line saying you said something. So who's the new guy who's going to boss me around?
Hawke: Some guy with that sounds like a German name.
Sturm: Woohoo! The Germans! They did all sorts of great stuff, like...um...uh...make the German language!
Hawke: ...
Sturm: And there you go again with the periods!
Hawke: Well, the guy is coming in here right now, and-
Von Bolt: All right! As my first act as new ruler of Black Hole, I declare that social security be increased!
Sturm: We don't have social security.
Von Bolt: Well, then we'll make some Social Security and increase it insanely! Young people should pay money so we old people can get money! It's the way the world works, or at least how I want it to. WE OLD PEOPLE SHALL SOON RULE THE WORLD!!!
Sturm: Um...
Von Bolt: Oops, did I say that part out loud? My hearing isn't what it used to be.
Sturm: What did it use to be like?
Von Bolt: A lot worse than it is now!
There is a pause.
Sturm: Okay, other than the whole "Von Bolt proposing Social Security" joke, this wasn't very funny.
Von Bolt: Funny? Why should we be funny?
Sturm: (sighs) Come on. I've got a long story to tell you. It's full of woe, and the name "Lord Seth" comes up a bunch.
What a dumb ending this is? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 174
Previously...oh, forget it, it's 11:37 PM at night and I just want to get this part written. All you need to know is that Von Bolt wanted to start a Social Security program in Black Hole because he wanted young people to pay money so old people could get free money.
-Green Earth-
Eagle: BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!
Drake: WHY did you say that?
Eagle: If I didn't do something really weird or interesting, it would cut away from us right away, just like it's doing now!
-Blue Moon-
Colin is in school as we try to repeat a story that we did several times in Advance Wars 2.5, although we never did that as it never happened.
Colin: So, uh, how much money do I have to give you to change this F to an A?
Teacher: Multiply your percentage grade by 100 and then multiply that by the sine of the amount of money you have in your pocket, and then add your age to it. Oh, and then divide by the cosine of how many times a dumb joke was made in this story.
Colin: Um...is the answer two?
Teacher: No! You fail!
Colin: Wasn't I already failing?
Teacher: Well, yeah, but now you're failing even worse.
There is a pause.
Teacher: Aren't you going to say something that will make this scene end funnily?
Colin: What? YOU'RE the teacher! You're supposed to know these things!
Teacher: I is an math teeter. I due not teeth Anglish!
Colin: Now THERE'S a statement to go out on!
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: Well?! Is the Social Security program coming along?
Flak: We're hitting a technical difficulty.
Von Bolt: What is it?
Flak: This stupid whatchamadoohickey.
Flak starts hitting the watchamadoohickey.
Flak: See? We're hitting it!
Von Bolt: Er...carry on.
Flak continues hitting the whatchamadoohickey as Von Bolt leaves.
Von Bolt: Okay! In that case, I require bolts!
Sturm: Why?
Von Bolt: Because my name has Bolt in it! Why do you think I'm named Von Bolt?
Sturm: Because your parents picked that name?
Von Bolt: Well, yes, but also because I'm obsessed about bolts!
Sturm: But you couldn't have that name because you were obsessed about bolts because you couldn't have possibly been obsessed about bolts when you were given the name because you either were just born or hadn't been born yet.
Von Bolt: Well, I-
Some policemen run in.
Policeman: We are the Continuity Police, and we object to the two of you speaking! Von Bolt only appeared after Sturm died! Fix this scene immediately!
Sturm disappears and is replaced with Hawke.
Policeman: Better!
The Continuity Police leave.
Von Bolt: What was I saying?
Hawke: "I'm going to quit wasting time?"
Von Bolt: Absolutely! So let's quadruple-check these memorandums from twenty years ago that we never use anyway!
-Moron Zone-
Person You Think Is A Moron: Hi! I'm a moron!
Other Person You Think Is A Moron: Funny! So am I!
Person You Think Is Not A Moron But Is Not Smart Either: Blargh!
Person You Think Is Very Smart: Oops, I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque...that stupid rabbit guy got me mixed up!
Did that stupid rabbit guy get him mixed up? Did this part really need a better recap? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875: Dual Strike! Yeah, see the rename? We made that up on the spot at 11:49 PM.
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 175
Previously, a bunch of random stuff happened that you don't care about! And if you do by any chance care about it, read the previous part! I'm not going to waste time writing up maybe three sentences telling you things you can easily find out yourself!
-Black Hole-
Flak: Are you SURE this is a good idea?
Von Bolt: Sure I'm sure!
Flak: I'm not sure if I like the idea of having all this weird machinery on me. And why should I change my name to Jagger?
Von Bolt: It's JUGGER!
Flak: Jugger, Jagger, it's only a letter off.
Von Bolt: Fine, Flok!
Flak: Touch�. (pause) Hey, I learned a new word! Touch�!
Von Bolt: Anyway, this should make you more powerful, unless it doesn't.
Flak: Woohoo! I get to be like the Borg from Star Trek!
Von Bolt: Well, actually it's Star Trek: The Next Generation. The original Star Trek never had the Borg.
Flak: It didn't?
Von Bolt: No.
Flak: WILLIAM SHATNER IS NO LONGER MY GOD!
Flak breaks down and starts crying.
Meanwhile, in something with randomness worthy of BoBoBo-Bo Bo-BoBo...
Pikachu: I am a talking Pikachu!
Back in our story...
Flak: I learned a new word! It's egregious!
Sturm: Oh, joy...
Flak: Watch as I amaze people from long ago with my knowledge of the language!
A long time ago in a galaxy that isn't far away... (well, it's our galaxy, so it's not far away at all)
Flak: Ha! That's egregious!
Person: You mean very good?
Flak: Huh? Egregious means very bad.
Person: No, it means very good.
Flak: Nope! My vocabulary thingy said it means very bad.
Person: Interesting...well, I guess I'll take that definition and get everyone else to use it, meaning that the word will mean the opposite of what it does now!
Flak: Woohoo! I filled one of my life's objectives!
Flak pulls out a list and crosses off "Change meaning of word through time travel." For the sake of comedy, here are the other things listed:
Do not make a list of things you want to do in life
Kill self
Eat pixie
Kill self
Win Advance Wars without turning game on
Kill self
Do something incredibly stupid involving a super-soaker
Kill self
Not overdo running gags
Revive self four times
-Green Earth-
Person: And thou hast-
Whoops! Wrong time! Let's fast-forward a bit...done! And this time without any of those stupid over fast-forwarding jokes!
Eagle: Why do I have the feeling we missed something really strange?
Did he miss something strange? Was this part kinda short? Well, it felt short while writing it. Then again, doesn't life? Does the previous sentence not only not make sense, it has no relevance to this story? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875! (yes, we got rid of the "Advance Wars 2.875: Dual Strike" name)
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 176
Previously, Flak learned a new word, we had a bunch of jokes, and we made some Star Trek references. Don't blame me, blame Gene Roddenberry.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: I have another great idea!
Sturm: Does it involve Social Security?
Von Bolt: Nope!
Sturm: Good!
Von Bolt: It involves something completely different! It involves-
And now we cut away for absolutely no reason other than to cover up our writer's block.
-Orange Star-
Andy: I-
And now we cut away for absolutely no reason other than to attempt to pull off a lame running gag.
-Yellow Comet-
Sonja: So-
And now we cut away for no reason, because we're not actually cutting away.
Sonja: Stop doing that!
An anvil suddenly falls from the sky at Sonja. She manages to sidestep it.
Sonja: Great. I think my bad luck is back.
-Orange Star-
Nell: Yes! This machine gave me my good luck back! Finally!
Nell accidentally trips and stumbles under a ladder and falls and breaks a mirror. Then a black cat walks by her.
Nell: Um...
Spontaneously, a horseshoe falls on Nell's head, a four-leaf clover appears out of nowhere, and a rabbit comes by, because a rabbit's food is even more lucky with the rabbit! And then the world exploded.
Lord Seth: Too random.
Okay, okay. The world didn't explode. The world imploded, creating a black hole that sucked up the whole universe and destroyed everything before sucking itself up!
Lord Seth: Too scientifically impossible.
And then balloons appeared out of nowhere and exploded, causing evil demons to wreak havoc. But the evil demons all disappeared on...okay, we are going too far with the randomness here. Now for a brief break from it!
-Blue Moon-
Grit: I think that-
Olaf: You think?! You're not supposed to think unless I think you should think!
Grit: I don't think that you-
Olaf: Not thinking? Better!
Grit: What I'm trying to say here is that-
Olaf: There you are thinking again!
Grit: But if you let me finish my-
Olaf: Stop the thinking! Stop it!
Grit leaves. Then a snake suddenly comes out of Olaf's mouth and slithers off.
Olaf: I knew I shouldn't have eaten those weird eggs I found in the woods. (pause) Oh, great. Now we're going to have about a zillion urban legend parodies.
Lord Seth: Wrong! We're going to have a zillion and one urban legend parodies! A-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Olaf: ...
Was this entire part filler? Is this entire story filler? If so, filler for what? A strange and mysterious aura? A giant banana? Something equally random? Well, tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 177
Previously, Nell got her luck back, we started on some urban legend parodies, and Hachi didn't do a darn thing.
-Orange Star-
Hachi: I have a great idea!
Employee: What?
Hachi: Let's make a television show! We can take business people, divide them into teams, and make them do tasks, and then whichever team does better gets a reward, and someone on the other team gets evicted by me!
Employee: Um...
Hachi: Isn't that the most creative thing ever? I'll get a good new employee AND will make money off of all the people watching it!
Employee: Who would want to watch an egocentric businessperson chew people out and fire them?
Hachi: You would be surprised.
-Blue Moon-
Olaf: Thank goodness all those urban legend things are done!
Grit: My question is how the calls could be coming from inside the house when we didn't even have a telephone.
And now for something completely different. It is time to give you the absolutely true myth about where color came from. It's from Greek Mythology and stuff! Ahem.
A long time ago, the world was in black-and-white. Well, there was gray also, but it's easier to say black-and-white than black-and-white-and-gray.
One day on Mount Olympus (remember, this is mythology) Zeus was thinking. What was he thinking about? He was thinking about what he was thinking about. To be specific, he was thinking about whether he should convert to Christianity or not. The major disadvantage of doing so is that he would have to believe he did not exist.
Just then, Loki, who got the job of being the Norse Gods' ambassador, came to Olympus for no reason. "Hello...Zeus." said Loki.
"Hello...Loki." said Zeus.
There was a considerable pause here because both of their copies of the script had spontaneously blown up. Finally Loki said "So, Zeus, how are things going?"
Unfortunately, the exact way he said this was the most insulting thing to say in some language that only Zeus knew. So Zeus got mad and sent Loki to Mars. But Mars got mad because his name was actually Ares and sent Loki to the planet Mars, where he promptly died from lack of oxygen and lived happily ever after.
So the Norse Gods got mad at the Greek Gods, so a giant war started! They fought in many ways, including football games and chess games! Of course, there were also horribly bloody battles, though not quite as bloody as you think as the "blood" was mostly ketchup. They had a bad special effects budget.
After about a week of this, they all got bored and decided to have the strongest Greek God fight the strongest Norse God. The strongest Greek God is Zeus...who was strongest of the Norse Gods? Who was he again? Oh well, who cares? Anyway, so the two were going to duke it out in front of a live audience! To make it clear where the boundaries were, people set up these elastic bands around the square the fighting would be in. However, due to a miscommunication it was called a ring rather than a square. And the two had to wear these weird red gloves so they wouldn't accidentally scratch each other with their horribly dirty fingernails. Someone decided to call it "boxing" because the ring was shaped like a box and they were mad because of the misnomer of "boxing ring."
The fight was in television pay-per-view! Everyone wanted to see it! But to their dismay, the television was only in black-and-white, which was at least partially because the world was black-and-white. People demanded to have color television. So then someone (who really cares who it was?) changed the world to color so they could have color television. So that's how the color started, and also where boxing came from.
Side note: In the battle, Zeus and Odin (yes, that was his name. Odin. I just remembered too late for it to make any difference, and I might be wrong anyway) knocked each other out and everyone forgot what they were fighting about. Then all the Norse and Greek Gods died for no reason, which is strange as they never existed in the first place. However, this catastrophe accidentally set it so that all television was in black-and-white again, though the world was still in color. Everyone got mad and destroyed their television sets, but no one remembered how to make them so it took several milleniums to make them again.
Grit: That is by far the dumbest story I have ever read.
Lord Seth: Oh, shut up.
There are no questions here.
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 177.5
Previously we had an insanely random part that contributed nothing to the story line. Most parts are like that, except that one contributed less than usual and was more insane and more random. The End.
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 178
Previously we had a part that was a gag, except it was a horrible one and didn't make anyone laugh. If you did laugh at it, then there is either something wrong with me or something wrong with you. Or maybe there's something wrong with...oh, darn it, I don't know where to go with this joke.
-Green Earth-
Eagle: So, what's been happening lately?
Jess: Strange blobs have appeared all over the world.
Eagle: Oh, wait! I saw this movie! They got a bunch of lawyers to talk to it and bored it to death, right?
Jess: Uh, no.
Eagle: Well that's what I thought happened...
Jess: They wander around eating everything they come by. I think they can eat things in the air also for some reason. Why is that?
Eagle: For the same reason a Bomber can't fly over a submerged Submarine!
Drake: What reason is that?
Eagle: You don't know either?
Jess: ANYWAY they're supposedly called Oozium.
Eagle: Oozium? Who makes up a fool name like Oozium? Why not something like Allconsumium?
Lord Seth: Vendrax should be loyal! It's got such great wearprogs that it deserves that much! And now my rant/in-joke is done.
Lord Seth leaves.
Drake: I have horrible news! The Oozium-
Eagle: Allconsumium.
Lord Seth: Oozium is quicker to type.
Eagle: I thought you left.
Lord Seth: Oh, you're right. Oops!
Lord Seth disappears.
Drake: Well, whatever you want to call them, they're heading RIGHT THIS WAY!
Eagle: That's bad.
Drake: But they're being stopped!
Eagle: That's good.
Drake: By giant ants!
Eagle: Can we avoid the repetitive "that's good/that's bad" joke? Get to the point.
Drake: Well, the bottom line is we have no problem.
Eagle: Why were you so hysterical then?
Drake: No reason.
Giant ants burst into the room.
Eagle: How do we not have a problem?
Drake: Because giant ants can't exist, as if their legs grow larger to the same ratio as their bodies, they couldn't hold themselves up. And there was some weird thing involving blood also. Bottom line is, they can't exist.
The ants all suddenly disappear.
Drake: See? Problem solved?
Eagle: Hang on! What if we're just really really small and these are normal-sized ants?
The ants all reappear. Jess slaps Eagle.
Jess: You idiot.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: So, how did the horrible Oozium things come?
Lash: What? I didn't make them!
Von Bolt: Then...who did? (pause) And how is the Social Security coming?
Lash: Fine, fine. Everyone under your age has to pay 50% of their income in taxes. Then everyone your age or older gets the money.
Von Bolt: Woohoo! I'm the only one who is as old as I am, so there's no problem!
Lord Seth enters.
Lord Seth: Ha! I'm over a million!
Everyone stares at Lord Seth.
Lord Seth: Well, not anymore, but I used to be!
There is a pause.
Lord Seth: I hate not knowing where to go with a joke.
There is another pause.
Lord Seth: Well, then bring in the running gags!
There is yet another pause.
Lord Seth: Let's just cut away.
-Yellow Comet-
Kanbei: Kanbei is Kanbei!
Sensei: How wonderfully useful.
Kanbei: But Kanbei has a great idea!
Oh, wait, we're out of time already. Whoops! Maybe shouldn't have started on something else...
Should we have started on something else? Did we run out of time? Is this ending questions gag even more overused than it was before? Oh, and what is Kanbei's great idea? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 179
Previously, Kanbei had some plan that we didn't get to hear because we ran out of time. We join it a little late because our download speeds aren't good.
-Yellow Comet-
Kanbei: -and that is Kanbei's plan.
Sensei: Could you tell me again? I forgot.
Kanbei: Fine! We...oh, darn it, I forgot. YOUR AMNESIA IS SPREADING!
Kanbei runs off screaming.
Okay, so much for that. Now let's start another one with a completely random plot twist! Sonja, Grit, Eagle, Flak, and Andy all mysteriously disappeared, and then...nah, that's no good. They all mysteriously reappear.
Lord Seth: Okay, now we are getting nowhere fast. Only one thing to do! More rip-offs! Maybe.
-Blue Moon-
Olaf: Okay, let's invade Orange Star.
Grit: What?! Why?
Olaf: For the same reason I did a while ago!
Grit: That was because Sturm tricked you!
Olaf: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will just get me madder!
Grit: Huh?
Olaf: There you go again! You're making me mad!
Grit: I wasn't calling you any names, Olaf.
Olaf: You just did! You called me Olaf! And now you must die!
Olaf eats Grit.
Olaf: (burps) Needs more fat.
Colin comes in.
Colin: Where is Grit?
Olaf: The child knows the truth! HE MUST DIE!
Olaf eats Colin.
Olaf: Eating people has made me very hungry...I must have more!
Olaf goes off and eats the whole Blue Moon army.
-Orange Star-
Sami: I have terrible news!
Andy: Your shirt spontaneously blew up as usual?
Sami glares at Andy.
Andy: What?
Sami: No, Olaf is eating everyone in sight! He's coming this way!
An extremely fat Olaf bursts into the room.
Olaf: Yum...people...
Olaf grabs everyone and eats them. Then Max comes in.
Max: Olaf? Since when did you become a sumo wrestler? And aren't they supposed to be shirtless?
Olaf: You must die! No one can know that I ate Grit!
Max: Uh, I didn't know until you told me.
There is a pause.
Olaf: Uh...you must die!
Olaf eats Max.
Olaf: Uh-oh...I think I may have eaten more than I could eat...
Olaf blows up and everyone he ate is freed because he didn't bother chewing them.
Grit: That was an unpleasant experience.
Then Olaf spontaneously reforms.
Olaf: Don't worry. I'm okay.
Everyone eats Olaf. Then the real Olaf comes in.
Olaf: Aw man! I hate when those weird clone-like things of me wreak havoc! Ah well. Back to Blue Moon!
So everyone forgets that thing happened for no reason.
Okay, to heck with the ending questions. Aren't they just annoying? And pointless? And hard to think up? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 180
Previously, some weird clone of Olaf ate everyone, but then exploded and they were all okay. Then they ate the clone Olaf and forgot it all happened.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: Woohoo! I'm super rich and everyone else has lost half their income! I love Social Security!
Flak comes in.
Flak: (singing to the tune of "America the Beautiful") Oh beautiful stupidity!/I really love thee so/Because I am so stupid, yes!/Something something low!/Stupidity, stupidity, and now my song is done!
Flak leaves.
Von Bolt: Hey, that reminds me! We need a national anthem! Let's have some tryouts! We'll find some really great singers and then have the public vote them off and the winner gets to make a song! It's such a non-rip off it's great!
One American Idol rip-off later...
Sturm: Woohoo! I won!
Hawke: Who saw that coming?
Sturm: So here's my song!
Von Bolt: You made it up already?
Sturm: Most of the tune is plagiarized. Ahem. (to the tune of the "Star-Spangled Banner") Oh look at the cat, that is chasing the bat!/What I am singing, has horrible lyrics!/I think-
Von Bolt: What does that have to do with Black Hole?
Sturm: Uh, what about Black Hole? I was just making that up as I went along.
And so Black Hole adopted Sturm's horrible song as their national anthem.
Hawke: No we didn't!
Oh, right. They adopted a different song. It went: The wheels on the bus go round and round!/Round and round!/Round and round!/The wheels on the bus go round and round!/All through the-
Hawke: We didn't adopt that either!
Oh, wait, my mistake. It was Blue Moon that did that. Black Hole picked a different song.
-Green Earth-
Eagle: Nearly getting eaten by giant ants has made me decide we need a national anthem!
Jess: How would that make you think of that?
Eagle: That's my business. I propose we make it something that describes who we are as Green Earth citizens!
Drake: Great idea! But what are we as Green Earth citizens?
There is a pause.
Eagle: I'll think of something.
Some thinking later...
Eagle: I've got it! It'll be a song about green and earth!
Another potential story line gone down the drain. Let's try again...
-Black Hole-
Lash: Okay, NOW I have a great evil diabolical plan to take over the world!
Sturm: All right! Let's hear it!
Von Bolt: Hang on a second! I'M the evil head honcho! I want to hear it!
Sturm: We're both in this room. We'll both hear it.
Von Bolt: Oh, good point.
Lash: Okay! I think we should...
What should they do? Will Lash's evil plan be evil? Will it start up a story line that lasts more than two parts? Will we ever introduce any Advance Wars: Dual Strike COs other than Von Bolt? Will this story ever end? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Read on!