It is believed that a player who can not be named for legal reasons but we shall call Mork Tyro attempted to throw the game for Limpley Stoke versus Rode. It is intimated that Tyro wantonly bowled wayward, short and slow in order that the away team could amass an enormous target unreachable even to the most optimistic.

It remains unclear as to who would benefit from such illegality But certain unusual trends have been noted on the Asian betting exchanges. Tyro was unavailable for comment as he had to get home for a roast but Oliver Musclewhite, a nine year old spectator at the game sums up his performance. “ He was F*****G S**T the B*****d. One minute he was chucking down a full toss, the next a long hop, I hate the C**T and I hope he’s stabbed” A day ruined for the young lad, one can only feel for him.

It was no surprise therefore amongst the seedy goings on that Limpley Stoke faced a massive total to chase but the enormity of the target and the knowledge that there lived a mollusc amid them seemed to inspire the hosts to what was to be a record winning run chase.

Needing 249 to win Limpley Stoke got there with 36 balls and 7 wickets to spare, Smith, again superb with his third century for the club sharing a record opening partnership with Twist who notched up another half century. Richards and Clark after a slight wobble with 3 quick wickets falling guided the home side safe without much trouble.

Other notable performances for the home team were those of Martin Owen and Tim Bush who bowled ever so well despite the fact that they had witnessed the despicable acts of the one who can not be named. The fielding however will be a concern for Captain Gregory. Catches were dropped, extra runs conceded and time wasted in the outfield. This he maintains is a minor hiccup and one that can be easily “remedied”.

A great win then for Limpley Stoke with odds stacked against them. One can only hope though for the future of the club, that the filth is caught and thrown out before it infests through the chains of the Limpley Ladder and into the souls of other more addictive characters.

A great win must be put into perspective. Cricket was spoiled today for all that played. let us think tonight when Vijay Musapotu calls, let us think of young Oliver. Say ” no” to Vijay, say “no” to the bung and say “YES” to Oliver. Say “Yes Oliver, we are clean; we can play in the way as is meant”.

Nick Gregory