I wish to think that I was not like this, but you keep showing your face around my head. I want peace added to happiness and for rest of us. I was better than you an hour ago. It's the red around you, the air between your breaths. The sun will reflect off your eyes shining center and brightly.Streaming close to me resending and promising you will explain. but half truths and half lies;I halfway love you, I halfway don't. Stay half tuned with us and compulsively detuned when I sing,but like a little boy only smaller me but will not exist like you.I wish you would learn from these effects. how will you explain the measures. how will you live with your self following TODAY>>> I'm picturing you from head to toe. That was me at your doorway watching you sleep the night through. The shadows from the lunar light blind me when I re-enter what I thought was you. Drinking the last of the rum, falling deeper and sleeperinto this bottle until it exist around myself. def to my words and oblivious to action after action. turn up the music so to drown the noises coming from me. reflect upon these terms and resend those letters that were flowing from your heart. I don't trust the world before you. but I don't actually know you at all. I feel all gone, and even more than EVER>>> I'm sleeping to the sound of you. I'd like that I was more than sex. more than the fuck that fucked up your life.put you shoes in my place, I'll walk in them so you may rest. I want to revive some kind of life out of you. I miss those sleepless nights staring at your ceiling. Thinking you were going to leave me any second now, but I'm still there beside you. missing what I feared, knowing that it will always end as you and me like it began. still speechless around you. still you won't look in my eyes. hung up on you and you hanging up on me. but refused to talk about, left me out. keep me out. I'm just removed and no longer remain around HERE>>>. Better than flowers is better than you. I got lost in the gloss finish; the magnetic individual called nothing.Speaking solely for my self the weight of the world has always been sitting around this old town. Something in the air;something that is drawing me closer and closer to your state line. The trip through your heart and the place that I can remain within you.Borders of non-communication are receiving every bit of this effort to keep me as far away that you can fathom. Not fullfilling the promise In question, no longing for the person sitting here wishing that the phone would ring. The astray notion of you, the reality that you will never change. Not going to affix yourself close to me,only to write this page and a half letter after letter of thoughts you'll never read. I've lost the touch,lost touch with you, with me, with the rest of everything ELSE>>>. This wall could look a bit less void. Seeming misplaced with out the picture I took from my room that now hangs on your wall.Not filling any more space than you taking up places within my consciousness or with any consideration for my inner self-sacrifices. I'll take a walk around the rounder part of town. The part of now that I'll forget to relax, the problem being me not seeing what is infront of my face. I will always be consumed with the outside of me that doesn't necessarily need my concern. Obligations to something like the rest of the world. Feed the need. Warm the hands of those you see residing in the artic air. Lift the humanity above this objective created home.If the globe is our brain and the nothing is the reality. Then conversations that I miss or those non-inspirational TV shows at 3:34 in the a.m. is the reason to live. What do the rest think about when there is nothing left to say. Why do I watch or why do I care, this is my CONCERN>>>. Deafening vulnerability to leave this letter open to the public mob. The subject of you. How do I cope with desire when she is flirting with my eyes. How will this get me through the disappointment later on. When she was always there. Recently you don't have much to say to me and with out a word you're gone. I'm every day less a person and more like a void, the kind that is to satisfy. That's how I will explain everything. Looking for the sky but the stars are misplaced by the blinding sun. The low level light coming from the northwest is rambling the thoughts of your projections. Through our dreams, through everything that is anything, and a greater medium than could be UNDERSTOOD>>>. It might as well be night I can't think of anything much better. slept the day through and wondering what your thinking right about now. If anyone would understand, if anyone could understand why I think about why I sleep to the effect of why I do nothing but miss you, it wouldn't be yourself. I've lost to many scenes from my dreams that meant to much to talk about. In school I'd watch the highway pass me by. Maybe like the car crashes or the rays of sunlight projected toward the heavens and jesus came here to clean up those mean streets. he was as he was and nothing more than you. I'd like to walk across this desolate wasted mind, maybe thousands to millions like billions around trillions through zillions and zillions of insignificant minds just like yours and MINE>>>. My hair turned gray on the last day of my sobriety. The TV shined like one of those blinking stars above our heads. I miss watching you do crossword puzzles and killing brain cells, like you said we have plenty to go around they might as well be dead. To have a beauty like yours and play in the street while the bus flies down the hill is less beyond my understanding. Its all here and all aware of us being at this time, could have existed else where, but have too much to do today. I've got plans, I've got a schedule to keep, I've got appointments never lost, but not enough to lose sleep. You are those things like those people who have nothing to lose or nothing to do. The one everything is to much to obtain, like TRUTH, like HOPE, like YOU>>>. My heart being some kind of appeal to justice, some new way of thinking. Laugh at it all, and every bit of this plastic will try to make sense. You could be an astronaut floating around the spacecraft and leaving me weightless with no souls to save. Less drugged me still spinning from earth to earth. Followed back on the ground, godspeed fell upon the old mans lips. The distance is gone; the distance is to close from here to you. My gentle love turned away, her back facing me and I still don't know what to say. It's been 12 hours and jesus started to look like an optimist, believing in him self but not noticing the world around. I'm still waiting here for you only 18 hours later. being misplaced would be nice, Maybe forgotten about, maybe saved today by superheroes, maybe tomorrow it will happen and maybe NOT>>>. Just send you across the ocean. Dive in from the shore and I'll be there on the other side. On my back while waiting the sky awaits to be swallowed by the day. It's everything about a dream that I can remember. It's star after star being patient waiting to burn out and take my place. I hear them on the radio waves. Radiating your songs and hearing them perfectly. Waiting for my heart to stop and give way just like I was for the first time, but I've give up for the last time. Neither you response nor my will can make each and every thing as it was before. But I'll still remain unconditional. I'll still be here waiting around for nothing to happen. And I'll be a slow changing me who has always stayed the SAME>>> Your thought me struck all the same. I can't fake anything around you. The excess of oxygen, the only way I'll think anymore. To your song, to your mystery, to my demand and my surprise. I'll favor redemption over these long-term expressed efforts. Maybe it's what I need right now. What we do with time, what will come of this same connection as before. It's my words that keep ringing through my head, spoken soft, spoken warm, spoken free. "Soulfully true I wish my love to you, but I can't speak or tell you all these feeling that I've been meaning to." For that I'll lie awake to the many hours ahead. I'll only keep you the way you were and nothing less than the way you ARE>>> I think about the words that I'd like to give to you. I think about the words I'd like to hear you say. But you will not be moved by this. Just dry simplistic anger running together. Turn your head and leave it behind. Walk, run, hide, and pray for everything it's worth and for everything to be the way it was before me. I'm sure this letter doesn't appeal to the cosmic order but order doesn't matter if we don't reside here some how. So knowing what you think of me won't help. And assuming that I have nothing to be bitter about doesn't either. I'd explain myself but it does little good to just here myself speak while you wait your turn to tell me how wrong I am. Not if I'm balanced out of this equation. Not if I really don't exist at ALL>>> |